


Dolls With Broken Parts

by KissTheAshes



Series: Demons&Dolls [2]
Category: Jrock, MEJIBRAY
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Eventual Smut, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Too many tears, Too much heartbreak, codependancy, mentions of past rape/non-con, mentions of past violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-19 06:24:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 36
Words: 57,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4735790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KissTheAshes/pseuds/KissTheAshes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Tutor Fit For A King:</p>
<p>He hated being touched. If a human touched him it burned like a hot frying pan. *Why did you do this to me??* He felt like drowning in misery and despair but refused. How could he? He was a doll. He had no emotions. Those had died a long time ago. He had no will, no anything. Dolls bent to the will of others, had no say in what happened to them. He tightened his grip on Ruana, refusing to loose her. She was his only friend, and they had pledged to stay together, no matter what.</p>
<p>***DISCONTINUED***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Happened to You?

**Author's Note:**

> It feels like forever since I uploaded anything, but I don't think it's been that long. I finally got the motivation to finish editing the first chapter of this monstrosity. I hope you all like it, and if you haven't read the first part of this story while reading this it's not necessary, but I would recommend it. It's set up like this for a reason. I hope you all enjoy this part of the series!

_*This is gonna be a good year. This is gonna be a good year.*_ MiA kept repeating it to himself over and over as he wandered the halls of his high school for the second year. He could feel it. This year would be better.

Meto felt out of place. He had ‘ transfered’- if you wanted to call it that. He refused to speak, or make any noise at all. _*It’s all your fault,*_ he thought bitterly.

He hated being touched. If a human touched him it burned like a hot frying pan. _*Why did you do this to me??*_ He felt like drowning in misery and despair but refused. How could he? He was a doll. He had no emotions. Those had died a long time ago. He had no will, no anything. Dolls bent to the will of others, had no say in what happened to them. He tightened his grip on Ruana, refusing to loose her. She was his only friend, and they had pledged to stay together, no matter what.

While trying to find Koichi, MiA spotted someone who looked like a new student. MiA would have remembered him if he wasn’t, that’s for sure. With blue hair and piercings, he was hard to miss. And he had a teddy bear that had one button eye. Without thinking MiA walked over to the new student and put a hand on his arm. “Excuse me, are you lost?”

Meto was shaken out of his thoughts at the touch. He was milliseconds from screaming in pain until he realized that the touch didn’t burn. _*No, you couldn’t have come here, no!*_ He started to panic until he looked at the figure. _* It’s...not you? It’s only a human? But why doesn’t he burn? Has he met you too?*_

Concern washed over MiA as he saw the new student act strange. “Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?”

Meto merely shook his head. _*No, I won’t tell you anything.*_

“Do you need help finding your classes?” Meto nodded and handed MiA his schedule. MiA took it and looked it over. “Hey, we have first together. Do you mind if I show you there?”

Meto shook his head. _*For you, I don’t mind. You don’t burn and you’re...nice.*_

MiA frowned. “Can’t you speak?” Meto shook his head- a lie in a desperate attempt to keep this nice person in his life, even for just a little longer. MiA licked his lips. “Oh. Okay.” He smiled. “There are other ways to communicate anyways.”

He...didn’t care? Did he really not care? Meto heard the whispers of the other students as he and this nice person walked. He was strange. Out of place. Hard to understand.

The doll heard the whispers now, but they were more intense. The other students were astonished that this nice person would talk to someone like him. _*You’re ruining your reputation. Do you not care about that either?*_ Meto looked around at all the people whispering to each other, and saw one out of place. He had pink hair and was leaning against a few lockers across the hall, not gossiping- merely watching. Like a hawk. Did he know this nice person?

The bell rang and Meto followed the nice person to class. “Oh, by the way, I’m MiA,” the nice person smiled at him.

 _*MiA...*_ Meto tried the name out in his mind. He liked it. Even his name sounded nice.

“What-” MiA stopped himself and looked at Meto’s schedule instead. “Your name is Meto, right?” Meto nodded, a small smile on his face. “ Meto...I like it. It fits you.”

Meto thought that was an odd thing to say, but didn’t try to protest. This person- MiA- was nice. He was nice and didn’t try to take away Ruana or hurt him. He liked that.

**********

MiA had waved bye to Meto after first period had ended and they went their separate ways for the day. MiA liked him so far, even if he was a little weird. He wanted to invite Meto to sit with him and his best friend, Koichi, at lunch, but he didn’t get the chance. Koichi took his arm and dragged him out to their usual, private spot for lunch. He didn’t even give MiA time to protest before he spoke. “I saw you talking to that new kid this morning,” his pink-headed best friend stated.

“He looked like he was lost. I was just helping him.”

Koichi bit his lip. “MiA, I want you to trust me on this. You need to stay away from him.”

“Why? You don’t know him,” MiA retorted, more than a little puzzled.

“And you do? I heard that he doesn’t speak. And that he won’t let anybody touch him. MiA, he’s not good news. And I’m not saying that because he ‘looks weird.’”

“So what if he doesn’t? It doesn’t make a difference to me,” MiA shot back.

“MiA, please. Stay away from him. I don’t get a good vibe from him. I don’t think he’s sane.”

“And how would you know?” MiA said, cold as ice.

“He’s in my second period. I sit near him. He’s not good news.” It started to sound like Koichi was pleading with him.

“Bullshit,” MiA spat. “I sit next to him and talked to him. I think I would know him better than you.”

Koichi closed his eyes, fighting back tears of frustration. Damn it. Why wouldn’t MiA listen to him? “MiA, listen to me. I don’t think he’s mentally stable. I don’t want you to get hurt. Not again.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I just wan to be his friend. I never said anything about a relationship. You’re the only one that did.”

Koichi cursed under his breath. He was making MiA angrier and angrier. “I never said anything like that. I’m saying he’s not stable.”

“I think something happened to him,” MiA said, deflating a bit.

“What do you mean?”

“I think something happened to Meto. I think he’s traumatized. That would explain why he won’t speak or touch.”

“MiA...” Koichi knew where this was headed.

“I-If that’s it, I want to help him. I want to help him get better.”

MiA’s large heart would damn him one day, Koichi thought. “MiA, that's not your job. Please, listen to me. I’m begging you, _stay away from him_. He’ll only end up hurting you.” The anger in MiA’s eyes lit up again. _*Shit.*_

“How? How would he hurt me?”

“I don’t know. But MiA...you don’t want to go down that rabbit hole.”

MiA’s glare intensified. “You say he’d hurt me, but you don’t give a reason. You tell me to stay away, but you don’t say why. You say all these things but you can’t back yourself up.” MiA got up, intent on leaving.

“MiA, please.” Koichi took his best friend’s wrist. “I-” He stopped, licked his lips, and changed his thought. “You know I only want to keep you safe. That’s why I’ll fight you on this as hard as I do. It’s why I got you away from Izuki. It’s why I gave you your first time. You don’t deserve to be hurt.”

MiA nearly softened, almost let Koichi win. But he shook himself out of it. No. Koichi was only his friend. He couldn’t control what MiA was going to do. “Let go of me.”

“MiA...” Koichi tightened his grip. “No. I won’t let your stubbornness blind you. He’s not good for you, even as a friend. Especially if he’s traumatized.”

“I don’t need your approval, Koichi. Now fucking let me go.”

“What if I don’t? What if I force you to sit here with me and think this over? You’re being rash, MiA. Don’t be an idiot too.”

“Let me go. You’re not my mother.” MiA tried forcing himself out of his friend’s grasp.

“It sure as hell seems like it sometimes. Doesn’t the mother bear protect her cubs?”

MiA slapped him, and the shock was enough to make Koichi let go. MiA had _never_ hit him before. “I don’t need protecting. I’m not weak.” MiA turned and left without another word.

Koichi didn’t make a move to go after him. Instead the pinku sat there, rubbing his cheek. “What happened to you MiA? You never get this angry. Have you already started falling down that rabbit hole?”


	2. Perfect Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto looked at Ruana in her one good eye and smiled. *I want to be like you, Ruana. Except I wanna still look human. Will you still be with me when I become the Perfect Doll? Will you accept MiA too?* MiA...if MiA was going to be a Perfect Doll with him, MiA needed to know that Meto was already a doll, searching for perfection. *Will you still accept me as a doll. MiA?*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so nobody gets confused, I want to clarify that the little squiggly (~) is Meto writing, and essentially him talking, and is not in italics. The asterisks (*) are his thoughts and are italicized.

MiA hated being angry at his best friend. Yet no matter how many times he opened a text to reply to all the ‘I’m sorry’ messages he’d received he couldn’t accept the apology. It was hard to not be angry when he’d felt like Koichi was trying to control him. He knew Koichi was genuinely sorry. But he saw how Koichi watched them when he was hanging out with Meto. The pinku hated it. But MiA couldn’t care less. Meto looked lonely, and like he needed a friend.

Meto saw what had happened with MiA. He saw the end of the argument with that pink-haired person and knew how angry MiA still was. The doll also knew that by hanging out with him, less and less people were willing to hang out with MiA. _*Why sacrifice so much for a doll? I’m only meant to be used then tossed to the side. Why do you treat me like I’m so much more?*_

They communicated through writing if Meto wanted to say anything at all. MiA would talk and sometimes Meto would write down his responses and comments. Meto never revealed much though. He’d told MiA that he’d transferred- from where he wouldn’t say.

_*You wouldn’t believe me anyways.*_

He’d told MiA about his basic family- his parents were still together and he was an only child.

_*That’s all I’ll tell you. You’ll never learn how much more to this story there is.*_

He’d stayed absolutely dead silent on most everything else- except that he had an affection for horror movies. Which Meto thought made him even more deranged.

Meto wanted to confide in this nice person, but how was he supposed to explain that he didn’t speak because he was a doll? How was he supposed to explain that he was a doll at all? How could he explain that the human touch burned, but somehow MiA was okay? How could he explain anything without revealing why?

_*This is because of_ you _._ * That person had caused everything.

When would it stop? When would Meto stop feeling this coldness and pain? When would he become the perfect doll? _*I want that. I need to become the Perfect Doll. When I become the Perfect Doll, everything will right itself. Will that nice person become a Perfect Doll with me?*_

Meto looked at Ruana in her one good eye and smiled. _*I want to be like you, Ruana. Except I wanna still look human. Will you still be with me when I become the Perfect Doll? Will you accept MiA too?*_  MiA...if MiA was going to be a Perfect Doll with him, MiA needed to know that Meto was already a doll, searching for perfection. _*Will you still accept me as a doll. MiA?*_

**********

It had been a week since MiA’s fight with Koichi, and they finally made up. As best they could, at least. They agreed to disagree when it came to Meto. Usually, when MiA was with Meto at lunch, Koichi would find someone else to hang out with. Sometimes Koichi would sit with MiA and Meto but confessed to his best friend that Meto still put him on edge.

At the end of the fifth week of the school year, Meto felt that he’d finally built up enough courage to tell MiA what he was. MiA still knew nothing of the doll’s condition except that he wouldn’t speak. Meto was asked if the rumor was true that he didn’t like to be touched, but Meto never responded. _*How could you understand?*_

“Koichi told me he doesn’t like you, but that doesn’t mean that I have to stop being your friend,” MiA smiled as he settled against the tree for their lunch break.

Meto smiled a bit and wrote on his pad of paper. ~That’s good. I’ve been waiting to tell you something.~

MiA frowned. “What is it?” He hoped it was nothing bad.

The doll played with his lip ring as he hesitated. ~I’m still nervous. I don’t want you to misunderstand.~

“Why would I misunderstand?”

_*Do I really trust him this much?*_ Meto licked his lips, tasting metal and skin. He opened his mouth slightly, and no sound came out. He closed his mouth, licked his lips, then tried again. After years of not talking, the sound that came out of his throat was scratchy and distorted. “I-I’m a doll.” He regretted the decision to speak as soon as the words came out. _*Dolls aren’t supposed to talk. But when I become the Perfect Doll, there will be no way to talk.*_

MiA didn’t even register the words at first. “You-You spoke.” How had he talked? Meto had told MiA he was mute, that he couldn’t speak at all. “ I...I thought you said you couldn’t speak.”

Meto shook his head. ~I don’t. I’m not supposed to. But I wanted to say this.~

MiA had to think back on the moment to figure out what Meto had said. Meto’s voice was disfigured and if you didn’t listen carefully you wouldn’t be able to tell what he said. “Meto...what do you mean you’re a doll?” The confession left MiA not knowing what to think.

~I am a doll. I bend to the will of others. I’m to be used then tossed to the side.~ The exact same words he’d told himself for years.

MiA felt his heart break a little. “ Meto...what happened to you?”

The doll shook his head. _*I can’t tell him. He wouldn’t believe me.*_

“Meto...” His hand on Meto’s shoulder moved to cup the doll’s jaw line, but his hand was pushed away. “You can tell me. You know you can.” MiA desperately wanted to help his friend.

Meto shook his head more violently. _*I can’t. He will know, and he can’t know.*_

MiA tried to touch Meto again, but was batted away every time. “Is that why you don’t speak?”

Hesitantly, Meto nodded.

“Is the rumor true that you don’t touch other people?”

Meto nodded again and started writing, but stopped. He erased what he had and started again. ~It burns, but you’re okay. I don’t know why.~ MiA started to say something, but Meto continued writing. ~I still don’t like being touched.~

MiA nodded slowly, trying to take in all the new information. “Why do other people burn?”

Meto shook his head once more. *You will never know. Not unless my past catches up with me.* He paused and shook his head at his own thoughts. _* No...my past never left. Unless this nice person meets you, MiA will never know.*_ Meto belatedly dropped his pen, afraid he’d said too much. _*Please don’t leave me MiA. You don’t hurt me.*_ He felt like crying, but dolls don’t cry. He’d taught himself that.

MiA hurt for Meto. He knew, or already had suspicions, that Meto was traumatized. But to think you’re a doll and not speak and hate being touched....what happened? What could’ve been so terrible that there were consequences this severe? MiA felt his eyes burn with tears threatening to form. “ It...It was hell, wasn’t it? Where you were.”

The doll nodded. _*More than you could ever imagine.*_ He squashed all the half-formed thoughts that tried to take over his mind.

MiA closed his eyes, trying to calm down and not let the tears fall. “I can’t imagine...I doubt anybody could comprehend it...”

_*Nobody from around here.*_


	3. I Need You Ruana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto took a tighter grip on Ruana. ~Their remarks won’t hurt me. I have Ruana. Nothing can hurt me when I have Ruana with me.~ He smiled at his bear and hugged her.  
> “Are you sure?” That was the first time MiA had actually heard how important to Meto Ruana was. He’d seen it- Meto never put the bear down.  
> Meto nodded. *You and Ruana will make everything okay.*

MiA felt his heart bursting with sadness and had to tell Koichi what Meto had told him. They were walking home and Koichi silently steered them to a secluded area of a nearby park where the pink leaned against a tree and took a hidden pack of cigarettes he kept in his school bag. He took his lighter out of his pocket and lit it up, starting to smoke.

After MiA finished his story, Koichi took a few seconds to respond. “I hope you realize you’re ruining your reputation,” he finally said.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I just want you to know that by hanging out with Meto, you’re giving up everything you built last year. In a couple more weeks I doubt anybody is even going to talk to you besides me. I want you to acknowledge that risk.”

“I know that. Some are even starting to say I’m a psychopath- like they think Meto is. They’re calling me crazy and deranged. They’re reluctant to work with me on projects. I was a popular tutor last year but now nobody wants to be near me. I know what’s happening. And I don’t care. If they can’t accept me befriending Meto, they aren’t worth my time.”

Koichi nodded slowly. “Good. You need to be aware of that.”

“Why?”

Koichi bit his lip and decided to drop the topic, not wanting to remind his best friend of that dark time. He sighed and changed the subject to the more pressing matter. “Because you’re gonna hate me for saying it again. You need to get away from Meto.”

MiA frowned. “To save my reputation?”

“No. To save yourself. He said it, right? He thinks he’s a doll, MiA. A fucking _doll_.” Koichi’s voice raised slightly as he did his best to get his point across. “Like his bear. He won’t speak because he’s a _doll._ He won’t touch anybody because it _burns_. Do you even realize how fucked up that is?”

Anger flared in MiA. “Something happened to him, damn it! Yes, I do know how fucked up that is. How fucked up he is. How _traumatized_ he is. No, Meto isn’t sane. I know that. But why should I stay away? I know I help him.”

“He doesn’t simply have a screw loose. He’s completely shattered. You can’t help that. I don’t know if anybody can.”

“Bullshit. I know I help him. I don’t judge him. He can talk to me.”

“And has he told you _how_ any of this happened?” MiA’s eyes down-casted. “I didn’t think so. But let me warn you, MiA. The farther down this road you go, the harder it will be to turn back. You go down this path farther, and by the end everybody who loves you will have completely lost you.” Koichi kept quiet of how scared he was of that happening. It happened before and it could happen again.

“How do you know that? How the fuck do you know that?” MiA growled.

“I know you, MiA. Almost better than you know yourself,” Koichi pleaded.

MiA’s eyes set into a hard, cold glare. “This is twice now you’ve tried to convince me to stay away from Meto. How many more times will you do this? And what the hell was that shit about my reputation?”

“You need to know that if you pursue this, I will be the only person left who will talk to you. I won’t leave you but I don’t think you want to be alone again,” Koichi said, softer this time.

MiA stepped back, that hard glare still there. In his anger he could hardly care what Koichi said. “I won’t be alone. And I don’t need you.” Koichi tried to approach his best friend, but was shoved back against the tree. “I don’t need you sacrificing things for me. I don’t need you to follow me around. I don’t need you to keep talking to me. Because as of now, I’m done with you.” MiA turned and briskly walked out of the park and towards his home.

Koichi started to cry. Twice now he’d made his best friend angry. MiA was furious over Meto. Why? Why did he care so much about someone he hardly knew? But not his best friend...Koichi cried harder, scared he was losing his best friend.

*********

This time, they didn’t talk for weeks. MiA was still furious at his so-called friend. To assume something bad would happen to him pissed him off. Koichi was waiting for his best friend to calm down. Once MiA let go of that anger they could work things out.

With Koichi out of the picture, Meto and MiA were able to get closer and closer with each passing day. Slowly, MiA could touch Meto more, but the doll still refused to speak again. But, as Meto explained, dolls don’t speak. They’re not made to. _*Our mouths are sewn shut for a reason.*_

About a month after Meto confessed he was a doll, MiA had an idea. He was nervous, to say the least.

Meto knew something was going on that day. MiA kept glancing at him during class, as if wanting to tell him something. _*I wonder what MiA wants, Ruana. Will I finally be able to tell him I want to become a Perfect Doll? I want to tell him soon, Ruana. Maybe this week.*_ Meto had been pursuing the Perfection he desired, but had yet come up with nothing. Where could that Perfection lie?

MiA knew Meto knew something was up. So before the doll could write anything about it MiA spoke. “ Meto...would you like to hang out after school with me?”

~Is that what you’ve been so nervous about?~ Meto thought it was odd for him to be nervous about something like that.

“ No...we have to go to my house. My parents don’t want me to be out for more than an hour after school unless they know beforehand. And that’s the problem. My parents.” MiA sighed and ruffled his hair.

~They won’t like me.~ Meto bit his lip. _*Why would they?*_

“They hated it when I decided to go blond. They didn’t like Koichi after he decided to dye his hair pink and get piercings. Why would they accept you?”

Meto took a tighter grip on Ruana. ~Their remarks won’t hurt me. I have Ruana. Nothing can hurt me when I have Ruana with me.~ He smiled at his bear and hugged her.

“Are you sure?” That was the first time MiA had actually heard how important to Meto Ruana was. He’d seen it- Meto never put the bear down.

Meto nodded. _*You and Ruana will make everything okay.*_

“You-You know it’s not just your looks, right? When I have to tell them that you don’t speak or touch, they’ll have even more reason to not like you.”

~Sound like high-strung people.~

MiA smiled bitterly. “They wanted me to become a businessman or a doctor. I want to be an artist.”

~I didn’t know you draw.~ Meto was slightly surprised he didn’t know that about MiA.

“I paint. My room is full of my work. You can see it when we get to my house.” MiA smiled a little, softer and happier.

~I can’t wait.~ Meto smiled back.

**********

MiA was a nervous wreck all the way to his house. He was worried his parents would outright demand that Meto leave. Or maybe they would do something else, something worse. _*I hope nothing happens.*_ MiA thought.

They entered MiA’s house and MiA called out, “I’m home! And I brought a friend!” The two friends took off their shoes and headed into the front room.

“Is it Koichi?” MiA’s mom responded, in a room to their right.

“No, Mom. We’re not friends anymore. We had a fight.”

“Oh?” There was a tone of relief in her voice. “That’s good. I never thought much of-” MiA’s mother entered the room and stopped dead in her tracks. After recovering she asked, “MiA, who is this?” She took a step back.

MiA sighed. He knew this would happen. “Mom, this is my friend, Meto. Meto, this is my mother.

Meto hugged Ruana closer and smiled shyly. MiA’s mother smiled nervously back. “ Hello...Meto. How did you meet my son?”

“He doesn’t speak, Mom,” MiA inserted.

“ Oh...yes...of course...” She hesitated, like she was scared of Meto.

At that minute MiA’s father walked into the room. “Is there something going on?” he asked.

“Honey!” MiA’s mother latched onto her husband like he was her knight in shiny armor. “This is our son’s new friend, Meto.”

MiA’s father scrutinized the doll. “Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself, Meto?” Meto didn’t respond. “Don’t you speak?” Meto shook his head. The father approached and tried to touch Meto but MiA blocked him.

“No! He can’t be touched. He says it burns.”

“It burns? How does the human touch burn?” He spotted Ruana and shoved his son to the side. MiA cried out in pain as he hit the coffee table. “Aren’t you too old to have a teddy bear? Why don’t we set her down?”

Meto shook his head and backed up, holding Ruana tighter. *You won’t take Ruana away from me. I won’t let you! MiA won’t let you.*

“Dad, don’t,” MiA pleaded. “Don’t take Ruana. Let Meto have her.”

“Ruana? The bear even has a name?”

Meto kept backing up, but hit a wall. He shook his head violently. _*You won’t have Ruana. I can’t let you! But...if I move I’ll touch you.*_

The father pried Ruana’s bottom half away from Meto, but Meto refused to let his bear go. Ruana was in the middle of a tug-of-war for her life. Meto had her head and MiA’s father had hr body.

MiA struggled to get up to help Meto. He should’ve done more, protected Meto better.

Meto still refused to let go of Ruana. There was no way in hell he’d let her go. Then a rip was heard. Meto instantly knew what had happened and dropped her. MiA’s father dropped her too.

The doll was horrified. _* Ruana...no! Ruana, please. Live, Ruana! I can’t lose you! Ruana, Ruana, Ruana! No...*_ He sunk to his knees, panicked. He touched her like she was porcelain. Her head had been almost completely torn off. _* Ruana...please come back to me. I need you. Ruana, please!*_ He started to cry, sure she was dead.

MiA scrambled to get up and raced to Meto’s side. The doll clung to his friend. _*Ruana...*_ He tried to stop crying but couldn’t.

MiA glared at his father and delicately picked up the broken teddy bear. “Hey, Meto...we can fix her,” MiA said softly. “Her head is still attached. We can sew her back up. We can do that right now. My mom has a sewing kit that I’m sure she’ll let me borrow. It’ll be okay, Meto. We can resurrect her. And I have an idea on something that will go with her button eye. Ruana will be just fine, alright?”

Meto had buried himself into MiA’s school jacket but lifted his head, sniffing. A few tears leaked out as he nodded. The doll touched Ruana again. _*MiA will help you, okay? You’ll be alright, Ruana.*_

MiA helped his friend stand up and requested certain items from his mother. Delicately, very delicately, Ruana was placed into Meto’s arms as he was led carefully up the stairs and into MiA’s bedroom. MiA’s mother brought up the requested supplies with an air of guilt around her. “I’m sorry about what happened to the bear,” she said before she left.

Instead of showing Meto his paintings or playing video games or anything else, the pair spent the entire afternoon fixing Ruana. Meto smiled after they completed her surgery. He thought she looked better. They fitted each other more. The stitching was messy, but that was okay. She was alive.

MiA felt a tingling all over when Meto smiled at the new Ruana. _*Am I...falling for him? But...I’m just his friend.*_

**********

The next day during English, Meto kept gazing at Ruana, proud of how she looked. Instead of simply stitching her head back on, MiA had put a zipper onto her neck that could be opened and closed at will. Meto left the zipper all the way open, so the bear’s head lolled to one side. It was cute how Meto admired his bear, MiA thought.

At the very beginning of lunch, a hand grabbed his wrist in the hallway. MiA turned around to see Koichi. “What the hell do you want?”

Koichi sighed. “I don’t want to fight, MiA. I saw Meto’s bear this morning. Did something happen?”

“I took him over to my house last night. My father tried to take Ruana away from Meto, but he wouldn’t let go. Her head was nearly ripped off and Meto was completely horrified. I fixed her last night.”

“MiA...”

“Is there something else you want? I’d like my wrist back,” MiA said coldly.

“I miss you,” Koichi admitted. “I just want you to know that. I want to be your best friend again. I don’t know what to do without my best friend.”

MiA was silent for a while, then sighed. “I know. A part of me wants to be your friend again too. But I’m still angry at you for what you said.”

“You have a right to be. Some of the things I said weren’t my place to say. But only some of them.”

“You still want me to let go of Meto.”

“That will never change. And I’ll probably try to convince you over and over again that he’s not good for you. We’ll argue every time. I’ll say my shit and you’ll say yours and then we won’t talk until you’ve calmed down. That’s how it will work. Every single damned time.” Koichi gritted out the last sentence, hating the future he was predicting. He didn’t want to fight with MiA anymore. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep it to myself. I know you’re angry because I tried to tell you what would happen to you. So I’ll stop saying it.”

MiA’s face lit into a soft smile. There was no way he could stay angry at Koichi forever. They’ve been friends for too long. “I forgive you.”

Koichi pulled MiA into a hug, finally able to let go of his fear that he was going to lose MiA. He’d missed his best friend _so_ much.

**********

It was the middle of the school year and MiA realized that he was falling harder and harder for Meto every day. He didn’t really know _why_ he loved Meto, just that there was no other person that he would rather make smile and touch than him. Koichi, despite his reservations against Meto, had encouraged his best friend to ask him out.

MiA was nervous and decided to ask Meto out after school. They walked together and MiA had them take a detour to his favorite park. The back was secluded, and not many people went there. There were trees everywhere, and a lonely path leading to a grand oak tree that stood taller and older than the rest. Golden sunlight filtered through the branches and hit the ground in patches.

Meto took out his notepad. ~MiA, why are we here?~ He found himself nervous for no reason. He could trust MiA. MiA wouldn’t hurt him.

“I want to ask you something, Meto.” MiA went silent, building up his courage. “W-Will you go out with me? W-Will you be my boyfriend?”

Meto smiled and scribbled down his answer. ~Yes. I wanna be your boyfriend too.~

“ You...you will?” Meto nodded. MiA giggled and without thinking hugged Meto. “You have no idea how happy I am right now!” MiA giggled.

For once, Meto dropped Ruana. He hugged MiA back and buried his face into his new boyfriend’s chest. _*I never realized how good you smell.*_

Meto had a sudden thought and reluctantly pulled away. He picked up his notepad and dusted it off then wrote. ~Do we have to tell your parents?~ Meto was scared for Ruana.

MiA smiled. “No, we don’t. At least not right now.”

Meto smiled again. ~Good. I like that.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all loving this story so far! There is plenty more to come in the future for all of you who are enjoying this story. Kudos and comments really do make my day <3


	4. Dolls Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “ Just...I know this sounds stupid, but please be careful. I’m glad he wants you to see his world, but the thought also scares me. We don’t know what the inside of his head looks like.”  
> MiA sighed and nodded. “You have a point. We don’t know what his head looks like. But I want to know, Koichi. I want to know all the things he’s hidden from me. His world will tell me that.”  
> Koichi gazed at his best friend. *I hope he doesn’t hurt you.*

It had been a week since MiA and Meto had gotten together, and MiA was happier than he had been in a long time and it showed. Koichi forgot at times that he thought Meto wasn’t good for his friend. MiA’s parents also noticed and kept asking what was going on, but MiA wouldn’t dare tell them. They assumed he had a girlfriend and MiA was getting tired of the heterosexuality they kept trying to push onto him but by now he’d learned to ignore it.

Meto was happy too. Not only did someone love him, but he loved MiA back. It was a plus that MiA didn’t burn, an unexpected bonus. And now, Meto was confident that he could tell him boyfriend about his search for Perfection.

They were early for English class, so they sat at their desks in silence until Meto asked a question. ~Would you like to come over this week?~

MiA was a little surprised, but pleased. “Yeah, I’d love to. I can come over tomorrow.”

~What will you tell your parents?~

“I’ll tell them I’m hanging out with Koichi. If I told them I was going over to your house, they would probably try to lock me in my room to keep me from going.” MiA sighed.

~Is it that bad?~ Meto frowned, concerned for his boyfriend. He hoped that he hadn’t hurt MiA’s relationship with his parents much. He hoped they could fix things.

“ Well...yeah. Its why you haven’t gone back to my place. After last time, they told me that if they ever even heard of you again, there would be serious consequences.”

~I’m sorry.~ Meto felt a little guilty that he had caused that. Parents were precious.

“It’s not your fault. It’s their’s. It’s their fault that they won’t accept anybody who doesn’t fit their standards,” MiA growled.

Meto shivered when MiA growled, being reminded of how too often he’d heard that sound from him. ~I want to come over again though.~ Meto wrote, trying to change the subject. ~I didn’t get to see your artwork last time.~

“I know,” MiA sighed and ruffled his hair. “But I don’t wanna even think about what they would do to you. Or me, for that matter.”

~I’ll be fine. I know that. I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to get hurt again.~ Meto thought about the large bruise MiA still had from landing on the coffee table.

“What about your parents?”

Meto smiled. ~We’ll be fine. They want to know who makes me so happy.~

MiA blushed. “ Ah...yeah. I’ll follow you home tomorrow, then,” MiA smiled. It was still hard for MiA to believe that Meto was his boyfriend.

**********

At lunch, MiA told Koichi about going over to Meto’s. “I need you to cover for me though. My parents would kill me if they found out about Meto,” MiA explained.

“Sure. I get it. They don’t even like me. I’ll make sure my mom covers too. I’m glad he wants you to come over to his house,” Koichi commented.

“Why’s that?”

“It means he trusts you enough to let you into his world. Oh, did he say anything about his parents?”

“Meto didn’t go into detail, but he said that we’d be okay.”

“You trust him on that?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“ Just...I know this sounds stupid, but please be careful. I’m glad he wants you to see his world, but the thought also scares me. We don’t know what the inside of his head looks like.”

MiA sighed and nodded. “You have a point. We don’t know what his head looks like. But I want to know, Koichi. I want to know all the things he’s hidden from me. His world will tell me that.”

Koichi gazed at his best friend. _*I hope he doesn’t hurt you.*_

**********

That night Meto sat in his room, holding a porcelain doll. Ruana was sitting next to him on his bed. _*Are porcelain dolls perfect, Ruana?*_ He looked at his teddy bear, as if trying to find the answer. _*They’re pretty. Nearly flawless. But...Ruana, are porcelain dolls perfect?*_ He stared at the doll for a few minutes, considering the answer. _*But they’re fragile, aren’t they? They break so easily.*_ Meto threw the other doll onto the ground, and it shattered into a thousand pieces. _*See, Ruana? They break so easily. Porcelain dolls aren’t perfect after all.*_

Meto piled the shards against the wall as a reminder to not become a porcelain doll. _* Porcelain dolls aren’t perfect.*_

**********

MiA was anxious and excited for the entire next day. He couldn’t wait to be invited into Meto’s world. He wondered what he would find there. Would it be Meto’s haven or a disastrous hell?

Meto thought it was cute how excited his boyfriend was to go over to his house. He wanted to let MiA know about his search for Perfection, but was still scared. How would MiA react to it? Would he start searching for Perfection too? _*I hope he wants to become Perfect with me, Ruana. It would be lonely being Perfect by ourselves.*_

They walked to Meto’s house after school, and MiA went silent in anticipation. Meto kept glancing at him, worried about how MiA would react to his search for Perfection.

They walked side by side, but not hand in hand. They hadn’t done any of the couple-y stuff yet, and MiA was okay with that. He could take things slow with Meto, not knowing how comfortable he would be with any of it. They hadn’t held hands or kissed or cuddled, but there was an intimacy between them MiA had never had before. An emotional connection that went far deeper than anything physical.

**********

Meto’s house was pretty, and in a quiet neighborhood. A pale yellow colored the house and there was a perfectly white door. It was hard to believe someone like Meto lived there.

The doll knocked twice before entering, as if to notify his parents he was home. Meto’s father was sitting on the couch, reading a book of some kind when they entered.

Meto’s father looked up and smiled. “Hi Meto. Who’s your friend?”

“I-I’m MiA.” MiA glanced at his boyfriend, unsure if he should say or not.

Meto met his eyes and nodded and smiled. _*It’s okay, MiA. You can tell him.*_

“I-I’m Meto’s boyfriend.” MiA smiled nervously.

Meto’s father brightened. “So you’re the one Meto is always smiling about. I’m Shizuku. Nice to meet you.”

MiA bowed his head. “Nice to meet you too.”

Shizuku got up and bowed. “I’ll be right back.”

The doll smiled. ~I told you we would be okay.~

“Yeah. I know. I trusted you to tell the truth, I just got scared.”

~They aren’t like your parents.~

MiA only smiled in response.

Shizuku came back into the room with Meto’s mother, who was beaming. “So you’re Meto’s friend? Oh, sorry. You’re his boyfriend, right?” MiA nodded. “That’s wonderful! I’m sorry, I forgot your name.” She looked a little sheepish.

“I’m MiA. It’s nice to meet you.” He bowed formally.

“I’m Hana, Meto’s mother. Are you hungry? Would you like anything?” She asked.

Meto shook his head. MiA responded with a ‘no thank you.’

“But before you do anything else,” Shizuku spoke up, “I want you two to do your homework.”

Meto nodded again. MiA noticed that his boyfriend held Ruana very loosely by only one of her arms. She looked like she was about to fall.

They did their homework in the front room, and MiA realized just how bright his boyfriend was. He didn’t need much- if any- help on his homework. At least, for all other classes except English, since some words looked the same.

Hana brought them some snacks after a while and again commented on how happy she was that her son had a boyfriend.

When they were finished with their homework, Meto started fidgeting, and MiA noticed. “What’s wrong?”

Meto played with a lip piercing before writing. ~I’m scared.~ He confessed.

“Why are you scared?” MiA caressed his boyfriend’s face.

~I want to show you something, tell you something. It’s really important to me. But I’m scared you’ll push me away.~ He picked up Ruana from her spot next to him and squeezed her.

MiA combed through his boyfriend’s blue hair. “I won’t push you away. I’ll stay with you. I promise.”

Meto wanted to cry, but refused to. _*Dolls don’t cry. Dolls don’t cry.*_ Then he wrote, requesting something from MiA. ~Please tell me you love me.~

MiA hugged Meto. “I love you,” he whispered into the doll’s ear. “I will always love you. You don’t need to hide anything from me.”

Meto’s heart broke at MiA’s naivety. He could show MiA, but then he would be alone again. He didn’t want to be alone. He shook his head. ~I can’t. I’m sorry MiA. I can’t tell you. You don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand?” MiA’s heart broke a little at the comment.

~How fucked up I am.~


	5. Broken Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA started sobbing again. “He told me...oh god.” He put a hand over his mouth, trying to stop sobbing. Koichi hugged MiA tighter and rubbed his back, waiting for MiA to calm down. When he did, he tried to answer again. “He told me I didn’t understand how fucked up he is. Why wouldn’t he tell me, Koichi? Why wouldn’t he trust me not to leave? Why does it hurt so much?” MiA’s eyes burned with dehydration, and he was out of tears.

MiA left Meto’s house not knowing what his boyfriend wanted to tell him. It hurt MiA to think that Meto couldn’t tell him something. Distraught as he was, MiA called the one person he knew he could talk to.

“Hey, what’s up?” Koichi asked when he picked up the phone.

“I just left Meto’s house.” MiA fought to keep his voice under control.

“Did something happen? Were his parents okay?” Koichi could tell by his best friend’s voice that something was terribly wrong.

“His...His parents were great. That’s not the problem.”

“What happened?”

“Meto wanted to tell me something.”

“What was it?”

“That’s the thing. He wouldn’t tell me. I don’t understand why he would think he couldn’t tell me.” MiA’s heart betrayed him as a tear fell.

“Hey, are you heading home right now?”

“Yeah,” MiA sniffed.

“Don’t. Come over to my place. Can you hold it together until you get here?”

“I think so.”

“Good. Get over here as fast as you can, alright?”

“Okay.” They hung up.

MiA fought to not lose control. He ran over to Koichi’s house, tears already falling. It hurt so much. Why wouldn’t Meto tell him? Why didn’t Meto trust him to not leave? MiA was near sobs by the time he got to his best friend’s house. He rang the doorbell and Koichi answered immediately.

“MiA...” He gathered his friend into his arms, and MiA openly sobbed, whole body shaking. Koichi closed the door and tugged on MiA’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go to my room,” he said softly.

They entered Koichi’s room, and Koichi closed the door. “Tell me what’s wrong. What happened with Meto?”

“He...He told me he wanted to show me something. But...he,” MiA’s voice cracked. He swallowed and tried again, trying to fight back the tears. “He told me he was scared I’d push him away. Meto said it was important. I’d never...I’d never do that to him.” MiA started to cry anew. “You know I’d never do that to him.”

“I know. I know you wouldn’t. What happened after that?” Koichi kept his voice soft as he wrapped his arms around his best friend in comfort.

“He asked me to tell him I love him. I-I hugged him and did. I told him he didn’t need to hide anything from me. He was so close to telling me, Koichi. But...he wouldn’t tell me. He told me I didn’t understand.”

“What did Meto say you don’t understand?”

MiA started sobbing again. “He told me...oh god.” He put a hand over his mouth, trying to stop sobbing. Koichi hugged MiA tighter and rubbed his back, waiting for MiA to calm down. When he did, he tried to answer again. “He told me I didn’t understand how fucked up he is. Why wouldn’t he tell me, Koichi? Why wouldn’t he trust me not to leave? Why does it hurt so much?” MiA’s eyes burned with dehydration, and he was out of tears.

“Because you love him. It’s that simple.” Koichi knew how horribly Meto had just broken MiA’s heart. No...MiA’s heart was shattered. “You know he didn’t mean to, MiA. Hell, _I_ know he didn’t mean to. He’s just scared. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He probably tore himself apart when he decided to not tell you.”

“What do I do?” MiA sniffed.

“Let him tell you when he feels safe to. Stay with him. Show him that something like this won’t ruin your relationship. Tell him you love him when you see him next. Don’t leave him. You know he hurts so much. You know he’s fucked up.”

“I...thank you, Koichi. For being here for me.”

“It’s what best friends do, right? And besides, I couldn’t let you go home with a broken heart.” Koichi smiled softly.

MiA’s eyes widened. “Oh crap...My parents are going to kill me.” A look at the clock said it was 9:00 PM. He got up, ready to dash home.

‘Woah, hold on a second.” Koichi grabbed MiA’s wrist. “I told you I wouldn’t let you go home with a broken heart, right? Stay the night. You don’t want to be alone and I don’t want you to be alone. Just like when we were kids. Remember?”

“Koichi, I can’t. If I don’t come home I’m done for. And...” MiA deflated, and Koichi could alone hear his guilt. “It’s all different now. We’re not kids anymore. It doesn’t feel that innocent anymore.”

Koichi’s jaw ticked at the words. Of course. “Bullshit. You’re staying over and you’re sleeping with me. End of discussion.” Koichi rummaged through his drawers and threw some clothes at MiA. “I’m sure it’s uncomfortable to sleep in your school uniform, so change into that while I go tell my mom you’re staying the night.”

His best friend left MiA alone in the room. “Persistant bastard,” MiA mumbled as he started changing. But a few seconds left alone in the room made MiA realize Koichi was right. He didn’t want to be alone. Being alone meant silence and with no one to talk to, MiA’s mind went back to Meto. Fresh tears started falling as the wound was struck again.

Koichi came back with some tea, hoping to calm MiA, but found his best friend crying again. He set the tray down and embraced MiA. Koichi’s hold was tight, as if afraid to lose him.

“I feel so betrayed, Koichi. Why couldn’t he trust me? Why couldn’t Meto-doll...Why did Meto-doll betray my trust?”

Koichi knew there was nothing he could say that would mend MiA’s shattered heart. Only Meto could do that. When MiA had quieted, the pinku tugged him to lay down on the bed. “Come on. You’re exhausted. Let’s both get some sleep, okay?”

MiA curled into his friend’s embrace under the covers. Koichi’s arms were so warm and safe and caring...MiA buried his face into the pnku’s chest, and soon fell asleep.

Koichi, however, couldn’t find sleep. He hurt for MiA, and couldn’t imagine how much pain he was in. He was also angry, but true to his promise, he didn’t show or tell. _*Damn it. I knew this would happen. I knew he’d destroy you, MiA. And this isn’t the end of it. Whatever he kept from you...that will destroy you too.*_

**********

Meto didn’t sleep much that night. He held Ruana, feeling guilty. _*He’s heartbroken now, isn’t he? I didn’t mean to. He just doesn’t understand. Will MiA stay with me, Ruana? Will he stay with me? I love him, Ruana. And I didn’t think I could love anybody.*_ Images of his past surfaced and Meto shivered violently. _*Not after what you did to me.*_

The doll sent MiA a text, apologizing, but never got a reply.

**********

The next morning MiA didn’t want to get up. He still felt exhausted, heartbroken, and- simply- horrible. His throat was dry as a desert and his entire body felt heavy, as if made of lead. Koichi convinced him to go to school, saying that Meto would think he’d been dumped if his boyfriend didn’t show himself.

Reluctantly, MiA got ready for school, and when he tried to check his phone for messages, he found the device was dead. “Shit...” he mumbled. “Yup, I am going to the slaughter after school.” He didn’t want to go back home.

“Why is that?” Koichi commented.

“I didn’t come home last night, plus my phone is dead. My parents probably left a million messages ad I can’t answer a single one of them. Should I say my goodbyes now?” MiA bit out.

“No, you shouldn’t. I’ll go with you after school. I’ll face them with you. But first you should be thinking about what to say to your boyfriend when you see him this morning.”

MiA groaned. “This week sucks.”

**********

At school MiA found his boyfriend in their English classroom, eyes cast to the floor and squeezing Ruana to his chest. He looked up when the blond sat next to him, worry written all over his face. He pushed his notepad over to MiA. ~Did you get my text last night?~

“I’m sorry, Meto. I was over at Koichi’s and my phone died. I didn’t pay it any attention.”

Meto scribbled down another question. ~I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.~ Meto looked desperate for forgiveness.

MiA pulled up his legs and put his chin on his knees. “I know you didn’t. But it still hurts. It still hurts that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. I gave you my heart, Meto-doll. Please keep it safe.”

Heartbreak was evident in MiA’s entire frame. Heartbreak. It hurt, didn’t it? It hurt more than the pain did...he never meant for MiA to feel like that. He loved MiA. It made Meto feel even more guilty than before. He wasn’t supposed to hurt MiA like that. What could he do? Finally, after hesitating for a whole minute, the doll wrote. ~I’m scared. You’re the first person I’ve ever loved.~

MiA frowned. “You’ve...never...?”

Meto shook his head. _*It was hell, and_ he _doesn’t count.*_

“I...” MiA didn’t know what to say, but knew he needed to say something.

Meto got his boyfriend’s attention. ~You called me Meto-doll. I like that.~ He smiled.

“Ah...yeah...I-It fit you.”

Meto wrote then took MiA’s hand in his. ~Please keep calling me that.~

The blond took notice of their intertwined hands, and tightened his grasp. “I...I want to fix this, Meto. But I don’t know how. This... _This_ I’ve never had happen before. I’ve never wanted to fix something so much. But I don’t know how to fix it.”

Meto didn’t write anything. He played with his piercings instead. Things used to be so much simpler...before he had been sent back. He didn’t have to deal with all these matters of the heart. Once, he’d almost thought...no. Not since the lies, the taunting, degrading words. Not since he’d shown the evil living inside him. No. Not since the ritual betrayal.

MiA saw his boyfriend receed inside of himself. The look on his face was of hurt and anger. “Hey...are you okay?” MiA caressed his cheek.

Meto looked at MiA and gave a small smile. He gripped MiA’s hand tighter and still wrote nothing. What could he say?

MiA sighed. “Meto-doll, please...I need you to say something. We can’t just pretend it didn’t happen. Because now I want to know more than ever what goes on in your head. Don’t leave me in the dark. Please don’t keep me locked out.”

The doll shook his head. He couldn’t tell.

MiA frowned. “Why not?”

The doll still wouldn’t respond, but a look of apprehension and...fear?...showed itself. ~Please don’t make me remember.~ Meto wrote when he finally let go of MiA’s hand.

MiA was at a loss of words. How could he have _forgotten_? How could he have _forgotten_ that Meto’s past was _hell_ , even if MiA did have a broken heart. “Shit. I’m so sorry. L-Let’s just try to move on. Alright?”

Meto smiled and held MiA’s hand again.

**********

After school Koichi helped MiA smooth things over with his parents. The pinku told some lie about homework that MiA didn’t really pay attention to. He couldn’t stop thinking about Meto. He wanted to know more about his boyfriend, but wouldn’t push it. It seemed that Meto-doll’s entire being consisted of a very recent, very ugly past. MiA would wait until Meto told him of his own free will. He had to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all of you are enjoying this story, even with all of it's little heartbreaks. I've got a ton of chapters written ahead of time, so I should be updating regularly, until I catch up to myself- which won't be for a long time. Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	6. Kidnapped...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her husband kissed her cheek and held her even closer. “It breaks out hearts, knowing we can’t do anything for him. We’ve tried, but he wakes up and hurts us because he’s so startled. If we let them go...they’ll stop. Like in the middle of a sentence. It won’t happen for the rest of the night. But...something terrible happened to him. Something worse than the greatest writer could create.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is mention of suicide in this chapter. If this could trigger you, I advise you to skip that part. I have bolded it so you will know where it is and can skip it. Thank you for stopping to read this

A couple months went by and MiA found himself inappropriately interested in Meto’s past. What had happened? Where was he? MiA kept asking himself inappropriate things that he didn’t need to know. It was Meto’s past, and one he wanted to keep secret.

They had a project to do in English, and MiA took the opportunity to find some answers indirectly. “Meto-doll, since we have this project to do, can we work on it at your house? My parents would still kill e if I brought you home.”

Meto nodded. ~Tomorrow?~

“Yeah, tomorrow sounds good.”

MiA’s questions were answered when Meto went into his room to get supplies for their English poster. Both of his parents were in the kitchen, making dinner.

Tentatively, MiA spoke. “Ah, Excuse Me...”

Hana looked towards him. “Oh! Is there something you wanted, MiA-san?”

“I wanted to ask you some things about Meto.”

Everything stopped, and there was this sudden air of sadness in the room. They walked over to the table and sat down, motioning MiA to do so as well. “I’m not sure how much we can help, but you can ask,” Shizuku said.

A darkness permeated the atmosphere, but MiA asked anyways. He had to know. “What happened to him?”

Hana fidgeted as she answered. “We don’t really know.”

MiA’s interest and concern melded together. “What do you mean?”

This time Shizuku answered quietly. “He was kidnapped.”

Shock took over MiA. “W-What?”

“When he was a baby,” Hana continued. “He was six months old,” she whispered. “Someone broke into our home and took him, but nothing else.” A few tears leaked out of her eyes.

Shizuku put an arm around his wife and held her close. “The police searched and searched, but couldn't find anything. We kept up search parties for about a year, but there was no trace of our son,” he continued, still quiet. “We thought we were never going to see our son again.” A few tears leaked out of his own eyes.

“How did you get him back?” MiA asked. Kidnapped...he could hardly believe it.

“Someone dropped him off at the police station,” Hana said. “Meto wouldn’t speak and would scream if anybody touched him, even with gloves on. They eventually got DNA and ran it through everything they had. His baby picture came up as the result. We couldn’t believe it when we were called, someone telling us that our son had been found.” They both teared up a bit more.

MiA frowned. It was hard to process...why would he just be given back? This was only giving him more questions than answers. “When was this?”

Shizuku let out a deep breath. “Two summers ago.”

MiA had to stop his jaw from dropping. Meto-doll had been missing for fifteen _years_. And he was just given back? Or did he escape? “Do you know anything else?” MiA pressed.

“Not much,” Hana responded. “He won’t tell us anything. But...But we hear it when he has the nightmares. Awful, awful screams...and begging. For his life, for them not to hurt him, for someone to help him...” More tears welled in her eyes.

Her husband kissed her cheek and held her even closer. “It breaks out hearts, knowing we can’t do anything for him. We’ve tried, but he wakes up and hurts us because he’s so startled. If we let them go...they’ll stop. Like in the middle of a sentence. It won’t happen for the rest of the night. But...something terrible happened to him. Something worse than the greatest writer could create.”

There wasn’t room in MiA for any more shock. For fifteen years Meto had been missing, gone without a trace. Fifteen _years_. Meto-doll had confirmed it was hell, but for some reason MiA never thought about night-terrors. Of course it would haunt his dreams. The blond couldn’t comprehend it. Meto’s words from a few months ago summoned themselves. _~Please don’t make me remember.~_ MiA himself started to cry. “ I...I had no idea...He won’t tell me anything.”

“He won’t say anything to us either,” Shizuku commented. “I’m not surprised he hasn’t told you anything. It would probably bring up too many bad memories.”

“ Has...Has the kidnapper been found?” That was the least that Meto deserved.

Hana shook her head. “Whoever it was is good at vanishing acts. There’s no trace.”

Meto had been listening behind the doorway. He knew his boyfriend had a right to know at least as much as Meto’s disappearance, but the doll couldn’t bring himself to say it. He didn’t want to think about what happened. _*You never even told me why. And he wouldn’t either. What don’t you want me to know?*_ Anger flared in Meto, which surprised him. He hadn’t felt angry since...since he was eleven. _*And they’ll never find_ you _either. You’re not from here.*_ Scorn and anger mingled. They made his life hell. He would do anything to destroy them like they destroyed him. But that wasn’t possible. They were stronger than him and there was nothing he could do to protect himself against them- if they ever came for him again. **But if they ever did, Meto would much rather die. He thought a knife would be appropriate.**

**********

MiA didn’t know if he should tell Meto about what he’d learned from his parents. For a few days the blond fought with himself about the decision. At the end of the week MiA finally decided to tell his boyfriend. MiA was walking him home and told him everything he’d learned. Meto’s response shocked him.

~I know. I heard everything.~ Meto typed on his phone.

“ I...I should have asked you.” MiA felt guilty now.

Meto shook his head.

“But you wouldn’t have told me.”

Another shake of the head.

MiA hesitated. “...Is there anything you’ll tell me?”

Meto stayed carefully blank. He didn’t know if he could yet. Meto heard his boyfriend sigh, but what could he say? Everything Meto was consisted of a terrifying past he couldn’t get rid of.

They walked up to Meto’s door and stood there for a second. MiA hesitated, then spoke. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you to tell me anything. I don’t like being kept in the dark, but it’s okay if you don’t want to say anything. I understand that your past is terrible, even though I know nothing about it.”

The doll said nothing, and suddenly found interest in his shoes. MiA was only telling him the truth, and said he understood, but he was so naive. _*You don’t know what I had to endure.*_ It made Meto feel guilty because MiA had a right to know, but there was no way Meto could tell him.

MiA tilted his boyfriend’s head up. “Hey, it’s alright.” He smiled softly and gently kissed Meto- something he hadn’t done before. Afterwards MiA hesitated, then started to pull away. “I’m sorry...” He didn’t even ask for permission.

Meto’s hand wrapped around his retreating wrist. He smiled shyly and a light blush dusted his cheeks. _*It’s okay, MiA. I love you.*_ But thoughts wouldn’t assure his boyfriend. Meto pulled MiA down and kissed him chastely. He pulled away blushing.

MiA was shocked for a few seconds but smiled. There was nothing to say to that. And MiA was so inexplicably happy that he couldn’t speak. He hugged Meto and whispered, “Thank you.” They embraced each other, Ruana dangling behind MiA’s back.

The doll smiled. _*I’ve never been kissed before. I’m glad my first kiss was with you.*_ Their goodbye was prolonged, but eventually MiA had to go home.

MiA did his homework then got out his painting supplies, taking a particular painting out of his cabinet. He smiled at the partially-done work. He softly started humming to himself as he continued the project. MiA just hoped it would be done in time for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah...backstory. So sad :( I'm sorry. I am evil and like to harm my characters. I hope you enjoyed this chapter anyways! Kudos and comments appreciated <3


	7. Will You Go On A Date With Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And that was why he wanted that date. They never had a chance for intimacy, between fear of the school and not being able to see each other outside of school very often. MiA craved physical intimacy that he couldn’t have. He bit his lip and left for his next class without another word. He wanted Meto so bad that it hurt. He needed a closeness he couldn’t yet have.

Koichi went over to MiA’s house during the weekend and mostly watched him paint. “Do you think it’ll be done in time?” Koichi asked.

“I hope so.” MiA frowned. “If not Meto will be crushed. This is the only thing I have to give him.”

“How are things going between you two anyways? Any more sugary gross details I need to know about?” Koichi laid on MiA’s bed, his long limbs taking up most of the space.

MiA finished a few brush strokes and paused. “Well...” He blushed, but Koichi couldn’t see his pink cheeks.

The pinku sat up. “What happened?”

“ Ah...nothing bad. We...We had our first kiss. Friday.” MiA saw Koichi smile from the corner of his eye.

“And how was that?”

“Sweet. Really chaste. It tasted a lot like metal.”

“What did you expect? He does have a lot of piercings.” MiA didn’t respond, and Koichi thought about what MiA just said. “ Wait...it was chaste? That’s _it?_ It was _sweet._ What the hell are you doing with your life, MiA? It wasn’t even hot? You didn’t make out or anything?”

“We were in front of his parents’ house!” MiA turned to face his best friend, face flushed red. “Didn’t I tell you we were taking it slow?”

“Yes, but this is a snail’s pace. Hurry it up a little, why don’t you? I’m tired of hearing about your sugary-gross relationship. I want hot sex details!” Koichi fell back onto the bed with a dramatic sigh.

MiA paused, then decided to tell Koichi. “...Maybe.”

Koichi sat up in surprise. “Wait, you actually will? Holy shit! When?”

“Our New Year’s holiday.”

“Why specifically then?”

“My parents have decided to go on a New Year’s trip and leave me behind.”

“It’s always been elsewhere, hasn’t it?” Koichi said softly. “You’ve never had sex at your house.”

MiA nodded. “Yeah. It makes me nervous. I don’t want my parents to come home early and find us...And I don’t want it to be too soon.”

“You guys have been taking it slow for months. What’s the problem? I knew couples who have had sex their first week together.”

MiA sighed. “...Nobody knows what happened to Meto.” If he could tell anybody it was his best friend, right?

“Nobody? MiA, that’s not right. Somebody has to know.” Red flags shot like rockets in Koichi’s head.

“ Koichi...he...Meto was kidnapped. For fifteen years there was no trace. Fifteen _years_ , Koichi. And nobody knows what happened. All that his parents know is that he had night-terrors every time he sleeps.” MiA was surprised he could keep his voice steady.

“You think he was sexually abused, don’t you?” Koichi’s voice went soft again.

“I can’t help it. Sexually, physically...verbally too, most likely. I just...he’s so broken. I don’t want to bring up any bad memories.”

Koichi had trouble processing everything. They all knew Meto was incredibly traumatized, but this new information put that into a whole new light. He had the urge to again tell MiA that Meto would destroy him, but held his tongue. Koichi didn’t want to upset his best friend. Not now, when things were going so well between them. “How do you feel about it? How do you feel about having sex with him?”

MiA was quiet for a few seconds. “...You have no idea how hard it is for me to hold back. I’ve waited months just to be able to kiss him. I want Meto so bad...I can’t help but fantasize about him.”

“You shouldn’t torture yourself like that. At least tell him. Meto deserves to know. If he refuses that’s his problem. He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” Koichi winked.

MiA rolled his eyes. “I was a terrible first and you know it.”

Koichi chuckled. “Whatever you say, MiA.”

MiA quieted and sighed. “I want to go on a date with him first.”

“That’s understandable. Where would you go?”

“I don’t know. We don’t need to go anywhere special. I...” He suddenly became flustered. “I just want us to be together without interruptions. Without having to hide anything.”

“It sounds like you’re trying to be romantic. I don’t want any more sugary-gross details. You can figure that shit out on your own.”

MiA looked out the window. Night was falling. “I wonder what Meto-doll does at night.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Koichi groaned.

“I wonder if Meto ever goes outside at night.” Stars were twinkling to life. “We don’t need to go anywhere fancy.”

“Oh don’t tell me...not some romantic night walk shit. I thought you weren’t a romantic.”

Nonchalantly, MiA added, “Bonus make out session.”

Koichi perked. “Hot make out details? Count me in!” MiA laughed.

**********

It was the middle of a new week when MiA decided to ask Meto out. Koichi teased him about how nervous he always was whenever he wanted to ask Meto something. MiA wanted to retort back, but the pinku was right. He wanted this relationship to work. MiA wanted Koichi to be wrong about everything. He had to be. MiA loved Meto too much to give him up. He loved Meto too much to break on him.

Meto thought it was cute that his boyfriend tried to hide his nervousness. He knew that a request was coming. After their class together, Meto pulled MiA over to the side of the hallway. ~Anything you want to ask me?~ A coy smile.

MiA chuckled. “I would love to, but I can’t. Not right now. I don’t think either of us want to know what would happen if this school knew we are together.”

The doll nodded. He understood. He didn’t want to find out either. ~When can we talk?~

“After school. I’ll walk you home today.” MiA almost kissed him, but stopped himself. Wasn’t that what he just warned against?

And that was why he wanted that date. They never had a chance for intimacy, between fear of the school and not being able to see each other outside of school very often. MiA craved physical intimacy that he couldn’t have. He bit his lip and left for his next class without another word. He wanted Meto so bad that it hurt. He needed a closeness he couldn’t yet have.

**********

Meto noticed how nervous MiA was while they were walking home. He thought it was adorable. MiA looked so cute when he was nervous.

When they arrived at Meto’s house, the doll wrapped his arms around MiA’s neck and MiA held his waist. Meto looked up at his boyfriend expectantly, a little smile on his face. He’d never been so happy until he met MiA.

MiA started to blush. “Right. I was wondering if you’d go on a date with me?” MiA smiled nervously.

Meto smiled fully and kissed his boyfriend. He nodded in response and pulled away from MiA and took his phone out of his pocket, starting to type. ~Do I get to know any details?~ He teased. Meto surprised himself sometimes with how comfortable he was with MiA.

“ Ah...of course. A nervous laugh. “I just don’t want you to think my idea is stupid.”

The doll frowned. _*I would never, MiA. How could I?*_

“I just...I want us to be alone without chance of interruption. And I honestly don’t think I could prod much money out of my parents for us to really go anywhere. At the park there’s this meadow and I was thinking of a nighttime picnic.” MiA blushed again.

Meto smiled and giggled a little. Was this what ‘romantic’ was? A flutter in his chest at the chance MiA would hold him a little longer? ~Should I bring anything?~

**********

MiA skipped home and called Koichi.

“Hey,” was the first word the pinku said.

“Guess what?” MiA sang.

“Dear god...what?” Koichi groaned.

“He said yes! Meto said he’d go on the date! He loved the idea of a nighttime picnic.”

“Okay Disney princess, calm down before you lose a shoe. You know what you’re gonna bring? You know, you can’t have a picnic without food or drinks.”

“I was hoping you’d help me. And Cinderella isn’t the proper princess for this situation. Try Snow White.”

“Okay Snow White. Have your dwarves help you with this picnic.”

“I’m trying to make one help me. His name is Grumpy. What the hell’s gotten into you?”

Koichi sighed. “My mom was gathering the laundry in my room and found a pack of cigarettes in one of my jean’s pockets. I got into so much trouble after I came home. I’m grounded for two weeks and won’t be given any money for three months.” The pinku groaned. “It’s not like I even smoke that often! Although I could really use one right now!” he whined.

“And she threw away the pack you had.”

“Yup. I want one so bad!”

“They’ll turn your lungs black,” MiA deadpanned.

“I don’t fucking care! Hey, do you still have that spare I gave you in case anything like this happened?”

“No. I threw it away. I’m not enabling your bad habit.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? The one time I need one, MiA! The one fucking time!”

MiA entered his own house and toed off his shoes. “Wow. I haven’t heard you say the word fuck that many times in a row in a long time. You really must be irritated.” His mother shot him a look for cursing, but MiA merely shrugged. “Wait, didn’t you give me two?” He carried on with his conversation like his mother didn’t exist. “There was the one from a couple days ago, and there was the one from a few weeks ago.” MiA continued up to his room and closed the door. “But don’t cigarettes have an expiration date?”

“Not really. They just dry out and burn up faster. But at this point I don’t give a shit. You still have one, right?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. I only threw out one after all.” MiA rolled his eyes playfully.

“Shut it with the sarcasm. I’m not in the fucking mood.”

“I can tell. Do you want me to sneak it to you now?” MiA shuffled through his desk drawers until he found the two-week old cigarette.

“I thought you said you weren’t enabling my bad habit.”

“I wouldn’t if I didn’t want a nice best friend who’d help me with my picnic.” MiA put his phone on speaker so he could change out of his school uniform.

“You son of a bitch. This is all personal gain. Fuck. You.”

MiA giggled. “ Nah. I’d much rather have Meto do that.”

Koichi made a face. “Don’t turn my insult into a dirty joke.”

MiA laughed. “Too late.”

“Clearly.” Koichi sighed. “I’ll sneak out. Meet me at the park.”

**********

MiA was able to leave after a short lecture from his mother that he shouldn’t curse. MiA didn’t listen to a word she said- he just went along with it so he could leave faster. When she finished MiA bolted out the door and met Koichi at the park. Once his best friend had his cigarette, he was in a considerably better mood. “Okay, so what’s this about a picnic?”

MiA smiled like he’d won the lottery and started explaining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmm...so cute, right? :) They're adorable when they're not heartbroken


	8. I've Never Felt So Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They cuddled then, watching the sky grow darker. Meto rested his head on MiA’s chest and heard his heart beat. MiA’s arms were wrapped around the doll, and Meto had never felt so safe before. A small smile showed itself. Was this what normalcy was like? Being young and in love with no tortured past haunting him? He liked the thought.

MiA and Meto set their date to be that Saturday. Meto again asked if he should bring anything, and MiA conceded, telling Meto he could bring his favorite blanket.

When Saturday arrived, MiA stuttered through a lie that he would be spending the night at Koichi’s. (Since when had he decided he wasn’t coming back that night? Shit.) He made up a lie about the picnic basket too, although he couldn’t really remember what he said. He was too excited to hold Meto in peace.

He picked Meto up from the doll’s house, greeting his parents at the door. MiA hoped he’d picked the right outfit. He was wearing black jeans and boots with a shirt that faded from white to gray to black to gray to white again. He had his favorite matching jacket on, and Koichi had even painted his nails; black with a shining, white, glittery star on every nail.

Meto was called out of his room and the doll tried to hide how excited he was. MiA thought it was really cute. _He_ was really cute. Meto had on a white button-down shirt with black polka-dots, black pants, and, oddly enough, purple boots. He had a black and brown blanket in his hands, along with Ruana. “Hey,” MiA smiled.

Meto smiled back. He hugged MiA, but the blond pulled him into a kiss. The doll blushed slightly.

“What time should I have him back by?” MiA asked his boyfriend’s parents.

“No later than 10:30. I’m sure your parents don’t want you out too late either,” Hana replied.

MiA shuffled. “Yeah, about that...”

Meto frowned and looked up at MiA. _*Did something happen?*_

“I kinda accidentally told them I’d be sleeping over. Is that okay?”

“Our couch folds out into a bed, if that’s alright.” Shizuku had on an expression that read ‘you are not sharing a bed with my son.’

“That’s perfectly fine. Thank you.” MiA smiled and addressed Meto again. “Are you ready, Meto-doll?”

Meto nodded, the suffix making him feel warm inside.

**********

MiA directed them to the middle of the meadow, and Meto laid out the blanket. The brown on the blanket was tiny bears scattered across the fabric. It made MiA smile.

Their picnic was quiet, but not in a bad way. The couple simply enjoyed each other’s company. A few jokes were made, laughs shared and a little small talk about their lives- but mostly, it was quiet. And they were content with that.

When they finished their food it was starting to get dark, so MiA pulled out the electric lantern he made sure to bring.

They cuddled then, watching the sky grow darker. Meto rested his head on MiA’s chest and heard his heart beat. MiA’s arms were wrapped around the doll, and Meto had never felt so _safe_ before. A small smile showed itself. Was this what normalcy was like? Being young and in love with no tortured past haunting him? He liked the thought.

MiA loved how he and Meto could be this close without fear of being seen. He had wanted this for so long, and now he had it. This quiet intimacy was nice, but he wanted more. They’d still only kissed a few times, and the blond wanted those metal-tasting lips over and over again. He wanted other things too, but didn’t want to push Meto and make him uncomfortable. “Hey, Meto?”

The doll was startled awake when MiA spoke. He’d started to doze off, feeling so warm and safe. He turned in his boyfriend’s arms, question in his eyes. MiA looked a little hesitant.

“Have you ever...been kissed by anybody but me? Ever?” MiA was sorry he brought it up, but he wanted to know.

Meto knew what MiA was referring to. His hell. He wrapped his arms around MiA, and MiA tightened his grip in return. The doll shook his head and mouthed ‘no.’ They had done so many things to him, but strangely enough his mouth had never been violated. He supposed they liked to hear his screams.

MiA was relieved, more for the fact that Meto didn’t freak out from the memories. “I love you,” MiA whispered. He pulled Meto up his body and kissed him.

Meto melted into him, sighing into the kiss. He just felt so safe and wanted. It was a new, strange feeling that warmed his heart and made his thoughts feel fuzzy. And he loved that feeling. That feeling of love and happiness. _*I’ve never felt so happy, MiA. Thank you for teaching me that.*_ MiA let go of the sweet kiss, but Meto kissed him again. MiA smiled into the kiss and pressed into Meto’s mouth more. He found he loved the taste of metal.

Something exploded inside the doll’s chest with that second kiss. It made him want more. Just...more of everything. More of the kisses that lingered on his lips, more of those arms that kept him safe, more of that love that MiA conveyed to him. It wasn’t lust, it was something more, something almost more powerful.

MiA showed him that same strange powerful emotion. What was it? What was that called?

The doll faltered in the kiss, and MiA pulled back. “Is everything okay baby? What’s wrong?”

The nickname warmed his heart even more and Meto opened his mouth to talk, nearly forgetting his place. He was a doll. Dolls don't talk. He took out his phone instead and started to type. ~ Nothing’s really wrong. I’m just feeling things I’ve never felt before, and I don’t know what these new feelings are called.~

It was almost like talking to a little kid, so on the surface it was endearing. But it made MiA so, so sad, knowing why he didn't know these feelings. “What does it feel like?” MiA absently ran his fingers through Meto’s blue hair.

Meto explained to MiA how it made him want more, but wasn’t lustful. ~I don’t know what it’s called.~ He finished. ~I want it to have a name. I want all emotions I have with you to have a name.~

MiA laughed. “That’s called passion. Usually it goes hand-in-hand with lust. But it doesn’t have to. We can just kiss if you want.”MiA stroked the doll’s cheek, a gentle smile on his face. He sat them up, Meto straddling him.

Meto returned that smile with a shy one of his own. Tentatively, he caught MiA’s lips with his own. It felt...more than good. He never thought he’d feel like this. What was that word again? _*...Fantastic. I feel fantastic.*_ He loved the closeness he had with MiA. The blond ran his fingers through Meto’s hair, carding though the soft blue locks. That felt nice too. A sigh of satisfaction left the doll’s lips as he held on to MiA.

They kissed innocently for a while. Meto was still unsure of what to do, and he thought MiA was being a poor leader. He wanted more, but didn’t know how to ask. The doll whined in frustration.

MiA smirked when he heard how frustrated Meto was and tugged on his lip ring. That earned a gasp from the doll, which MiA took full advantage of. His tongue dove into that metal-tasting mouth. He played with the tongue piercing, wrenching a moan from his boyfriend.

Meto was a little dazed by how quickly MiA’s attitude changed. The small sparks of pain sent shivers through him. Was this pleasure? _*Why would pain give me pleasure? I’m so fucked up...*_ The doll was shaken out of his thoughts by another tug on his lip ring.

“Come on, baby. You can touch me. I don’t mind.” MiA’s voice dropped, but it wasn’t hard or evil. Rather...it was like chocolate. Smooth. And...what was that word? He’d heard it on TV before. What was it?

...Sexy. MiA’s voice was _sexy_.

Suddenly feeling bold, Meto gripped MiA’s hair and clashed their lips together. A surprised squeak left MiA and the doll laughed. MiA pulled him closer and sucked on his tongue, eliciting another moan.

Meto had never felt this pleasure before. He’d never felt so good before. His body had started to heat up in weird ways and he could barely think. It scared him a little, to not be able to think. He suddenly felt vulnerable. These new feelings left him _vulnerable_. He pushed himself away from his boyfriend, but touched their foreheads together.

MiA looked into his boyfriend’s eyes and saw what he never wanted to see: fear. Meto wasn’t ready for something like that. “Let’s pack up and go home, okay?” MiA said softly, carding through Meto’s hair.

Meto nodded and chastely kissed MiA before pulling away. They folded up the blanket and the doll picked up Ruana and put the lantern in the basket. They walked out of the park hand-in-hand.

**********

When they got to Meto’s house a bed was made for MiA on the fold-out couch. Meto loaned MiA a pair of sweatpants (which were a lot short), and an oversized shirt, which was just the right size for the blond. MiA got ready for bed then crawled into the make-shift bed. When he was comfortable he suddenly found himself missing Meto’s warmth that had enveloped him at the park. Meto was sleeping in his own bed though, and they weren’t allowed to share.

However, after Meto’s parents went to sleep MiA saw a small figure sneaking down the hallway with a teddy bear in tow. MiA smiled. “We aren’t supposed to be sharing a bed.”

Meto held up his phone. ~I want more cuddles.~

The blond laughed as his boyfriend promptly climbed under the covers after showing him the short sentence. They got comfortable, then MiA kissed Meto’s hair. “You can be really adorable, you know that?”

Meto simply smiled and snuggled into MiA’s chest more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look another cute chapter....hmm...what will happen next I wonder? ;)


	9. He Doesn't Trust Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA hated that Meto kept things from him. He didn’t care about the doll’s tortured past- in fact, he really didn’t want to know. But there was some recent secret that Meto was hiding, and it hurt MiA to know his boyfriend didn’t trust him enough to tell him. The blond didn’t dwell on the thought, telling himself that Meto would tell him when he was ready.

It was December now, and the whole school was buzzing about the break they had in a few weeks. Classes seemed longer and homework was less acceptable. There were plans for Christmas and New Years’ being shared.

MiA was a little nervous about Christmas. He was running out of paint and his parents weren’t giving him any money so he could buy more. He gained no money from tutoring since he’d been ostracized by nearly the entire school. On Christmas day he was going over to his grandparents’ to see relatives he hadn’t seen since last Christmas. He hoped he could spend Christmas Eve with his best friend and boyfriend, but wasn’t sure if he’d be able to sneak out. And he still didn’t have a gift for Koichi.

He was sitting with Meto at lunch, but both of them were lost in thought. MiA was trying to figure out how to finish his painting for Meto and wracking his brain for a gift he could give Koichi.

Meto wasn’t sure what would happen for the holidays. He wanted to spend time with MiA, but wasn’t sure what his boyfriend wanted to do. ~What are your plans for the holidays?~ He finally wrote.

The doll touched MiA, which made him jump. Slightly embarrassed, the blond read the question. “I’m hoping I can spend Christmas Eve with you and Koichi, but I’m not sure how to ask my parents. I’m being forced to spend Christmas day a my grandparents’. And I was hoping we could spend New Year’s together. Just the two of us.” A small smile.

Meto smiled. ~Where would we spend Christmas though? We obviously can’t spend it at your house.~

“Yeah, I know. I have a feeling that you don’t want to celebrate at your house either.”

The doll shook his head. For a few seconds, hurt flashed in MiA’s eyes. Meto felt sick for keeping secrets from his boyfriend, but he felt even sicker at the thought of telling MiA about his search for Perfection. He wasn’t ready yet.

MiA hated that Meto kept things from him. He didn’t care about the doll’s tortured past- in fact, he really didn’t want to know. But there was some recent secret that Meto was hiding, and it hurt MiA to know his boyfriend didn’t trust him enough to tell him. The blond didn’t dwell on the thought, telling himself that Meto would tell him when he was ready. “So I was thinking that Koichi’s house would be our best option. I haven’t talked to him yet so I don’t know for sure.”

~And what about New Year’s? You said you want us to spend it together, but how?~

“My parents are going on a trip and leaving me behind. It’s probably some adult thing I don’t want to go to anyways.” He huffed a short laugh. “We could be at my house.”

Meto raised an eyebrow. ~Alone? My parents would never let me do that.~

The blond shrugged. “So then we lie. I’m pretty good at lying. I do it to my parents all the time. You can spend a couple nights at my house. We just get so little alone time. I want to use every opportunity we have.”

Meto bit his lip. ~I know. How do we keep them from finding out the truth?~

MiA simply shrugged again. “Right now? I’ve no fucking idea. We figure that out when we get there. But parents aren’t as all-knowing as they’d like us to think. They can be pretty oblivious sometimes.” They both chuckled at the statement, but MiA couldn’t help the worrisome thoughts going through his head.

**********

After school MiA walked with Koichi instead of with Meto, needing to vent his thoughts.

The pinku nodded at MiA’s question. “Sure, we can do Christmas Eve at my house. But that’s not what’s really bothering you, is it?”

MiA sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s about Meto.”

Koichi kept his face carefully neutral as he pulled out a cigarette from the box in his pocket. His mother trusted he wouldn’t go back to smoking and started giving him money again- which was a mistake, obviously. “It always is anymore.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” The blond shot his best friend an icy glare.

“I’m just saying that you two seem to have a lot of problems. I’m not saying that you don’t work it out or whatever. I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.” Koichi pulled out his lighter and lit his bad habit, covering the flame with his hand to protect it from the breeze.

“He’s hiding something from me.”

“That’s been happening since you met.” MiA shot him another glare. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop. Continue, please.”

MiA kept his glare for a few more seconds before sighing. “We were talking about what to do for Christmas and when I mentioned him not wanting the celebration at his house, it reminded me that I hadn’t seen his room yet.”

“So what?” He flicked the ashes off the end of his cigarette.

“Koichi, he won’t let me go in there! I’ve tried it, but he won’t let me through the door! He’s keeping a secret from me and it feels like he doesn’t trust me.” MiA was fighting back tears. “I just want to know! I won’t leave no matter what he says. Why won’t he just trust me?” Tears were leaking now, and he wasn’t sure he could stop them.

Koichi stopped walking and grabbed MiA, pulling him into a tight hug. “Hey, hey, it’ll be okay. You just need to tell him how you feel. You don’t deserve another broken heart.” His cigarette fell to the concrete, forgotten.

“I don’t want to push him to tell me something he’s not ready to tell me yet. Meto’s already been through so much...I don’t want to be the cause of any more pain.” Tears soaked into Koichi’s school jacket as MiA hid his face.

Koichi combed through his best friend’s hair. “I know, baby, I know.” The endearment slipped out before Koichi could stop it, making him cringe. They hadn’t called each other that since they were kids. “But you can’t let this eat at you. It’ll ruin your relationship. He needs to at least know. What he does with that information is completely up to him.” He kissed the top of MiA’s head. Koichi thought that MiA deserved more thaat broken bodies and broken souls. He deserved so, so much more.

“I don’t want to leave him. I love him too much.”

He held onto MiA tighter. “I know you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get the feeling that my Christmas chapter is gonna end up being posted near Halloween...oh well. Anyways, I am doing NaNoWriMo this year! For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month, and the goal is to write 50,000 words in the entire month of November. I will not be writing more of Dolls during that time, I will be writing a new story I've been planning for a couple weeks (so if anyone wants more stories from me be excited!) but this won't interfere with my updates because I'm typing up way ahead of time so they don't slow or stop, at least for the moment. I have almost all of November's planned updates typed up so no worries about slowing updates because I have nothing else better to do between classes than type my story.  
> Anyways, I hope you're all enjoying this story too! Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	10. Like A Doll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, come on. I’ve pulled off a dress before, and he’s more girly than me. Besides, it’d make him look like a perfect doll.”
> 
> MiA faltered. Koichi was right. Meto would look like a doll in the dress. He sighed and shook his head. “If he hates it you’re to blame.”
> 
> The pinku laughed. “Trust me. He’ll love it.”

MiA had been ecstatic that his parents had given him more money so he could buy paint. They were a little irritated that he always needed more brown, but MiA couldn’t help it. It was the main color for his painting.

Koichi often came over to watch MiA paint, and every time he did it was reminder that MiA still hadn’t gotten his best friend a Christmas present. Well...Christmas/birthday present? They were so close together, after all...

“Hey, MiA?” Koichi sounded nervous.

MiA frowned. “What’s up?” He put his brush down and turned so he was facing the pinku, who was sitting on MiA’s bed.

“ I...ano...I feel like I should get Meto a Christmas present.” A blush the color of his hair dusted Koichi’s cheeks.

The blond laughed and got up, playfully straddling Koichi’s lap. “You’re acting like a shy schoolboy. It’s kinda cute.”

Koichi’s blush darkened. “MiA...” he whined.

“Alright, alright. Why do you think that?” MiA got off his best friend, a smile on his face.

“Well, we will be spending Christmas Eve together, and he _is_ the boyfriend of my best friend. I feel like I should at least try to show my support. But I don’t know what to get him. Do you think you could help me?”

“Of course. Pretty much anything teddy bear will work, except another teddy bear. I asked him that. It’s a touchy subject.” MiA started putting his supplies away and washing off his brushes.

“Why teddy bear and not doll? He _is_ a doll, right? So why are his favorite things teddy bears and not dolls?”

MiA opened his mouth, then closed it. That was a really good question. “ I...I don’t know. I’ve never asked him that.” The blond shook his head. “Anyways, do you want to go now? I just have to finish cleaning up and change.”

Koichi nodded. “Yeah. I have my wallet with me. Anything teddy bear...” he mumbled to himself.

**********

They checked store after store, and even though MiA had said anything teddy bear would work, he was extremely picky. At one point Koichi ditched MiA while he was contemplating something or other and wandered the store. They’d ended up in a lolita store and Koichi lazily looked at the selection, not really interested. Until polka dots caught his attention. He pulled the dress out from behind a lot of black and red and bit his lip to stop the gasp that wanted to escape. It was a dress with bows down the front and a big red hair bow, but Koichi could see Meto wearing it. He’d look like the perfect doll.

The pinku put the costume back and ran to get MiA. “How much does Meto love polka dots?”

MiA was startled and very confused. “What? I don’t know. He must like them since he wore polka dots on our date. Why?”

Koichi grinned. “C’mon. I have to show you something.” He grabbed MiA’s wrist and pulled him towards the part of the store he’d found the dress.

“Koichi, where the hell are we going? These are all dresses-” MiA stopped when he saw the dress. “For Meto? But it’s a dress...” MiA thought it was a really pretty dress, but wasn’t sure if Meto would like crossdressing.

“Oh, come on. _I’ve_ pulled off a dress before, and he’s more girly than me. Besides, it’d make him look like a perfect doll.”

MiA faltered. Koichi was right. Meto would look like a doll in the dress. He sighed and shook his head. “If he hates it you’re to blame.”

The pinku laughed. “Trust me. He’ll love it.”

**********

MiA had cringed at the price, but Koichi was paying for it, not him. MiA really hoped Meto would like it, and maybe even wear it for him sometime. He blushed at the thought.

The next time MiA saw Meto at school a question was asked. ~Do you know what I should get Koichi for Christmas? I need to get my boyfriend’s best friend something.~

MiA laughed nervously. “Honestly, I don’t know what to get him myself. I’ve been trying to come up with something for weeks.”

~Maybe we should go shopping together. I’m free today.~

“Today?” MiA was nervous about what his parents would think. “Aw, fuck it. I forgot my wallet anyways. We’ll have to go by my house first. You can stay outside or down the street or something. They’d still kill me if they found out about you.”

Meto nodded. He understood. He didn’t want MiA to get into trouble with his parents. ~I know. I don’t want you to fight with them.~

MiA smiled. He looked to make sure no one was around then pecked Meto on the lips. “Sorry. I can’t resist. You’re too cute.”

The doll blushed and clutched Ruana tighter. He still wasn’t used to the praise, but he liked it. It gave him a warm bubbly feeling he’d learned to cherish. ~I love you.~

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's a really short chapter but the next chapter is like...3.5K words. I didn't want it to be any longer so I chopped it into two. You will be rewarded for patience!  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3


	11. Inappropriate Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto didn’t understand what was happening to his body. Why was he so hot? What was so special about what MiA was doing that made him react like this? MiA sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on Meto’s neck and his head fell back with a groan. Why did it feel so good? Why...Why couldn’t he think through the fog in his mind? He was hard of the things MiA was doing to him. It felt so good, and he couldn’t stop himself from grinding against MiA. MiA moaned and pushed himself flush against Meto and ground harder. They both moaned louder and MiA nipped at Meto’s neck.

After MiA got his wallet, the couple headed towards the shops. The blond still didn’t know what to get his best friend, but thought he’d know it when he saw it. He took Meto’s hand in his own and smiled shyly. The doll looked sheepish but didn’t let go of MiA’s hand. Meto loved when they could be together without fear of being seen. Well, he was a little nervous they’d be seen, but he didn’t want that warm feeling whenever he and MiA touched to go away.

They simply looked for a while, not really sure what they were looking for. However, MiA could hardly concentrate with how close Meto was. They could touch and kiss and  _god_  MiA just wanted to push him against a wall and ravish him. Picturing his doll in that dress didn’t help either. Especially if Meto had a garter belt, and MiA could snap it against Meto’s thigh and hear him moan. MiA shuddered at the thought.  _* Yup...I definitely want him in that dress.*_

MiA felt someone tug on his clothes. He snapped out of his fantasies and read what his boyfriend had typed. ~Are you okay?~

The blond blushed. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Meto wasn’t sure why MiA blushed at first, but then revelation hit him.  _* Oh...some...inappropriate thoughts? About me?*_  Meto played with his lip ring. He didn’t think he was worthy of such thoughts.  _*Do you really think that about me,_   _MiA_ _? Why? Am I...desirable?*_  Meto internally shivered at the word, memories of what they did wanting to plague him again. He heard their voices again, and forced the thoughts out of his head. He bit his lip ring again as he typed. ~What kind of thoughts were you having?~ Meto needed to know for sure that lust could be a good thing.

MiA’s blush darkened as his desire raged. Was Meto really that naive? Or was he just teasing? The blond wasn’t sure what to do. Tell Meto it’s nothing, or finally confess his desire? MiA took a deep breath. “Can I show you?”

Meto nodded and MiA led them out of the store. They walked to the park they'd had their date at, but this time Meto was led to a different, more secluded area. It was an area that was well-known for teenage sexual promiscuity, and, well...MiA’s thoughts at that time weren’t exactly pure, either.

Meto felt a little uncomfortable with the situation, but this was  _MiA_. Not them. It was MiA who brought him here, not them. He could trust MiA. MiA wouldn’t hurt him.

Hesitantly, MiA leaned down and kissed Meto.

The doll was taken aback by how much...passion...was in the kiss. That was the right word, right? Or was it lust? Or want or need? Meto didn’t know exactly what it was, but knew it told him MiA really did desire him. In a good way. A very, very good way. Meto kissed back, and MiA kissed him harder. MiA’s arms wrapped around the doll, pulling him flush against him. MiA didn’t realize at that time that he’d picked Meto up off the ground. He licked at Meto’s lip ring and tugged on it. Meto gasped from the treatment, clutching at MiA. MiA’s tongue entered his mouth, stroking at Meto’s.

A little unsure, the doll reciprocated, tangling their tongues together. His body had started to heat up, and Meto wasn’t sure why. He knew he liked kissing his boyfriend like this, but why was he feeling so hot? Was that what lust was like? Or was it something else? He didn’t know, and it frustrated him. But MiA was very insistent with his kisses, and showed no signs of stopping. Oh well. Meto would enjoy this for now, and ask questions later.

MiA backed them against a tree, earning another gasp from his boyfriend. He played with Meto’s tongue piercing, then sucked on his tongue. The doll moaned and wrapped his legs around MiA’s waist, MiA placed Meto’s arms around his neck, then tugged at Meto’s school shirt. He untucked the shirt and dipped his hands under it, feeling smooth skin.

Meto was so hot...he was burning up. His cock started to harden and he was dizzy with...what? Desire? Lust? Passion? MiA let go of the kiss and leaned farther into Meto, breath ghosting over the doll’s ear. “I want you so bad,” he breathed. MiA’s hand found a nipple, and he tugged on it. On instinct, Meto moaned and bucked his hips. MiA gasped and let out a low, “Oh fuck.” His body was screaming for the doll, and it seemed Meto wanted him too.

MiA pressed their groins together and ground into Meto. They both moaned and MiA started kissing Meto’s throat. He sucked on heated skin for a moment before letting go and moving on. His hands roamed Meto’s chest, finding every sensitive spot that made the doll gasp and squirm.

Meto didn’t understand what was happening to his body. Why was he so hot? What was so special about what MiA was doing that made him react like this? MiA sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on Meto’s neck and his head fell back with a groan. Why did it feel so good? Why...Why couldn’t he think through the fog in his mind? He was hard of the things MiA was doing to him. It felt so good, and he couldn’t stop himself from grinding against MiA. MiA moaned and pushed himself flush against Meto and ground harder. They both moaned louder and MiA nipped at Meto’s neck.

Faster than he could think, Meto shoved MiA away from him, memories surfacing. Memories of teeth piercing his skin, then tongues licking up the blood and telling him how delicious he was. Meto fell to the ground in a heap, shaking and crying uncontrollably.

MiA was horrified, knowing he’d done something to make Meto like that. “Meto-doll? W-What did I do? Baby, please, talk to me. I want to help you.” MiA crawled over to Meto, but wasn’t sure if touch would help or hinder the situation.

Meto couldn’t stop crying. Sharp teeth piercing skin, drinking his blood...his body was wracked with shivers, unable to stop. He could hear their voices, their laughter. He could hear his skin ripping and tearing, and feel the blood gush out.  _* Stop...stop!!*_  And his world went blissfully black.

MiA freaked out when Meto went limp. He pulled Meto into his arms, holding him tight. His boyfriend’s eyes were glassy and unseeing while his entire body was completely limp. MiA stroked through blue hair. “M-Meto? Baby?” He choked on a sob. “What’s happening? Why are you like this? What did I do?” MiA cried and hit his face into the doll’s neck. Meto had been terrified, and MiA had caused it. Then he changed into...this. A limp, lifeless body, seeming to not even have a heartbeat. Like a doll.

A...doll. Was this why Meto called himself a doll? But why? What caused it? “Meto, baby, can you hear me? Please don’t be like this. Doll, please...” Another sob. “Please, hear me! Come back, baby. Please, come back...” MiA broke down into a mess of sobs, unable to control his tears anymore.

The darkness was bliss. The darkness with it’s complete silence and nothingness was bliss. Nothing could hurt him here. When he was a doll, nothing could hurt him. He couldn’t hear the tearing of his own skin or his blood running and being drank. There was only simple, blissful nothingness. When he was a doll, nothing existed. It was his haven. But why couldn’t he control how long he stayed?

Already he was drifting back to consciousness, trying to hold onto his Doll Form.  _* No...don’t make me leave!*_  Meto was scrabbling for remnants of his Doll Form, but they were disappearing too quickly. Faintly, he heard crying.  _*No no no...*_  Crying meant pain. Meto didn’t want any more pain.  _*No more, no more...let me stay!*_  Despite his wishes, the sobs became louder. And every once in a while, when there was a break in the sobs, the doll heard his name, and ‘please.’ Was this crying for him? But nobody cried for him.  _*Not since...no.*_  That person was gone, had been taken away from him. He wasn’t allowed to see the doll, even in his cage. Then who was crying? Nobody cared about him. Nobody cried over him.

When he could see again, he saw long blond hair. He didn’t know anybody with long blond hair. But...there was wind. Meto looked around, confused. There was grass, and trees, and sky.  _* What...I’m not...Where am I?*_  Who was holding him like he mattered, like he was loved? It didn’t make sense. Why was he...

* _Oh.*_  He remembered now. He wasn’t in his hell anymore. He was with his parents, back from his hell. He was with MiA, his boyfriend. In a park, where they’d almost...he blushed heavily. Meto shifted in MiA’s arms and wrapped his own arms around him and nuzzled into MiA’s hair.

MiA gasped when Meto moved. “Meto! Meto, oh god, Meto! What happened? Where did you go?” Meto didn’t respond, just held onto MiA tighter. MiA kissed his boyfriend’s neck. “I’m here. Don’t worry. You’re safe with me,” he murmured.

After a long while, Meto pulled away. He took his phone out of his pocket and typed. ~Please don’t bite me.~

MiA’s heart dropped. It was just a nip, and he had brought up such bad memories. “I’m so sorry baby. I won’t do it again. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” He lifted Meto’s head and kissed him. They didn’t move or speak for a long time. “Where did you go?” MiA finally whispered.

Meto was reluctant to move, but did and typed his response. ~My haven. My Doll Form. It’s how I survived.~ The doll didn’t really want to talk or even move, but MiA deserved answers.

It was his defense mechanism. He’d lived by it for so long that he had become it. He became the doll that had kept him alive. Suddenly, MiA felt a soul-deep sadness for Meto. Being so tortured for so long turned him into something entirely different than what he should have been. “I love you, baby. You know I love you. I just wish you weren’t so tortured.” He kissed the doll’s cheek.

~It’s dark.~ MiA looked around and saw that the sun had indeed set. Stars were starting show and it was colder. The blond was sure both sets of parents were worried, but couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted to spend a little more time with Meto.

Meto was pulled to lay down, his head on MiA’s chest. The blond wrapped his arms around Meto’s small body and laid his head back on the soft grass. The doll looked up at him, eyes closed and relaxed. He looked so beautiful...Meto nuzzled his chest. Every time he was in MiA’s arms, he felt so safe. His warm body and steady heartbeat felt  _so_  safe.  _*I love you too.*_

Neither of them knew when they fell asleep.

**********

MiA woke up, freezing. It was pitch black and his clothes were wet with dew. His hair was soaked and his school bag was laying five feet from him. What the hell? His eyes widened when he realized what he had done. He pulled out his phone to check the time. It was 12:30, and he had dozens of texts and calls from his parents. _*Oh shit.*_  Yeah, he was screwed. His parents were probably still awake, worrying about him. And Meto...

Meto was still asleep. MiA realized that he was probably used to trying to sleep in extreme temperatures. And he looked so peaceful...The blond hated to wake him, but didn’t think he could carry Meto all the way to his house. “Hey, baby, wake up. Meto, I need you to wake up.” Meto moaned and shifted, but didn’t wake. MiA sighed. “Meto baby, wake up. We need to go home.” MiA carded through blue hair. Slowly, Meto opened his eyes. MiA smiled. “Hey baby.”

Lazily, Meto picked up his phone and squinted at the too-bright screen. Once he read the time and saw all the texts from his parents, Meto’s eyes widened. “Yeah. We need to go home,” MiA said softly.

Meto shook his head. ~I don’t wanna go home.~ He typed.

The blond frowned. “Why not?” He wasn’t having problems at home, was he?

~I wanna stay with you.~ Meto clutched at MiA’s clothes.

MiA felt his heart break. “Baby, you can’t. We have our own homes to go to and our own parents to placate. We need to go home.” He pulled Meto up and kissed his head.

The doll shook his head viciously. ~No! I can’t leave you. Not right now.~ After  _those_  memories, he had to stay with MiA. He _had_  to.

“Baby...” MiA bit his lip. He knew why Meto was scared. And he had a terrible, terrible idea. “What if I sneak you into my house? You’d have to leave before my parents woke up, but we might be able to pull it off. How’s that?”

Meto couldn’t believe MiA was offering such a thing. If they got caught...who knew how it would end. But he could stay with MiA... ~Why not my house?~

MiA shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe ‘cause mine’s closer. And I lover you.” They kissed.

~I love you too.~

**********

Somehow, MiA had quickly placated his parents once they saw that he was fine. He made up some lie about falling asleep while studying and they tried to coddle him, but MiA turned down all their offers of tea and late night snacks and such. After they left the room MiA snuck Meto in and they snuck upstairs into MiA’s room. MiA called the doll’s parents, assuring them that yes, Meto was fine. Meto was staying the night and no, they weren’t sharing a bed (total lie). Afterwards, he hung up their school uniforms and let Meto borrow some nightclothes, which he refused. Meto blushed as he explained. ~I like to only sleep in my underwear.~

MiA blushed. “Oh, um...yeah. Me too.” Well, he liked sleeping in a pair of sweatpants, but there was no way he’d pass up an opportunity for skin-on-skin contact with his boyfriend.

They climbed into MiA’s warm bed and the couple laid down, Meto’s back against MiA’s chest. The blond tried to sleep, but it was impossible. Meto could feel his constant shifting and turned in MiA’s arms, question in his eyes.

“I’m fine, baby. I just can’t sleep.” MiA kissed his hair.

Meto leaned in to kiss him, but was stopped by a hand on his chest. Meto’s eyebrows furrowed.

God, even the  _thought_  of tasting those pierced lips made MiA’s desire rage. “Meto, I can’t. Not right now. If we do  _anything_ , I’ll keep going and I won’t be able to stop. You’re not ready for that. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

The doll was shocked at MiA’s admission.  _*He...wouldn’t stop? He’d...take advantage of me?*_  Meto shivered, those words leaving a bad taste in his mouth. MiA wouldn’t...he wouldn’t do that, right?  _*He’d never force me, right?*_  It scared Meto to think MiA might do that. Meto shivered again, more violently this time. MiA wrapped Meto in the blankets tighter, thinking the doll was cold. That simple action soothed Meto and he found himself thinking he was ridiculous. MiA would never hurt him like that. MiA wanted to protect him. He could trust MiA. MiA would never hurt him.

Once Meto had calmed down, he thought back to what MiA had said. MiA still wanted him? They’d...done things...earlier that day, but he never thought that desire would carry so far. Did things like that really happen? He felt so stupid for not knowing about these kinds of things and wanted to ask questions, but wasn’t sure if he should. He wiggled out of MiA’s arms anyways and grabbed his phone from the nightstand. ~Can I ask you a few questions?~ He played with his lip ring.

MiA squinted at the screen. “Yeah. About what?” That screen was bright as hell. “And turn your brightness down. I’m being blinded.”

Meto smiled and did as he was told. ~I want to ask about what happened at the park.~

MiA internally groaned. He  _so_  did not need this conversation right now. His hormones were doing a great job by themselves, thank you very much. “What do you want to know?”

Embarrassed, Meto typed a response. ~Everything. I don’t know anything about that kind of stuff.~ He quickly typed an afterthought. ~I was really hot and what you did felt really good but I don’t know why.~

Dear god, he was as naive as MiA thought he was. “It all starts with desire. Desire for another person. It’s want and need.” Like how MiA really needed Meto right now. “Normally, that turns into passion once you start doing things, but the desire doesn’t go away. It builds and builds then there’s lust and arousal.” Like how he wanted Meto under him, moaning and writhing with pleasure. “When you get aroused, you get hot, your dick gets hard and you can’t think as clearly.” He  _really_  wanted to fuck Meto. “Am I making sense?” God he hoped so. His mind was a sexual mess.

Meto nodded. He could see and hear the strain his boyfriend was going through, but wasn’t sure why. Was that desire? ~What’s wrong?~ Faintly, MiA could see Meto tilt his head in the dark.

Besides the fact that he desperately wanted sex from the one person he couldn’t touch? Nothing at all. “You’re not ready for sex yet, are you?” Shit. Not what he was supposed to say.

The forwardness surprised Meto. MiA did still feel that...desire...didn’t he? Meto started to type then stopped. Memories of being torn apart from the inside out surfaced. It had happened so many times...Meto had tried to count them. But Meto lost count long ago...too long ago to remember. He erased what he wrote and typed a single word. ~No.~


	12. Perfect Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They reached Koichi’s house as another song ended, their spirits higher than heaven. The pinku answered the door, head adorned with reindeer antlers. MiA laughed and playfully tried to take them. Koichi dodged, which had MiA stumbling into the house. Meto giggled and entered as well. They took off their boots, reveling in the warm air of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know...Halloween is tomorrow yet I'm uploading a Christmas chapter. It's way too early for Christmas but alas...plot and scheduling will win over every time.

MiA didn’t sleep that night. Despite the implications Meto’s response had, the blond was still horny as hell. It pissed him off because god damn it, he needed more than a couple hours of sleep. He didn’t want to sleep because there was no way in hell that he was having a wet dream about Meto while sharing a bed with him. Not like he could sleep anyways. His sexual frustration wouldn’t allow him to.

The couple got to school early and while Meto was in the bathroom, MiA was assaulted by a pink-haired freak.

“Hey Zombie MiA! Has the apocalypse started yet?” Koichi’s cheery voice grated on MiA’s fried nerves.

“Shut the fuck up or go away.”

“ Hm...nope!” The pinku giggled and squeezed his best friend into a hug. “Why such a zombie? Up too late doing sexy fun stuff with Meto?”

MiA growled. “Why the hell are you- you got laid didn’t you?” The blond glared.

If it was possible, Koichi perked even more. “Yup! She was real cute too! Acting all innocent and stuff.”

“ Fuckin’ lucky,” MiA grumbled.

“ Ooo...sexual frustration _and_ lack of sleep. Tell me more!”

“Damn child...stop screaming.” Koichi smiled wide but stayed silent while MiA recounted the night, leaving out that Meto had had a panic attack.

Koichi giggled after MiA was done. “That’s even worse than almost being laid. Being in the same bed as him and having him ask questions like that is torture! No wonder you’re such a zombie.”

“Don’t you think I know that? You have no idea how much I wanted to fuck him into the mattress and make him see stars. It’s why I couldn’t sleep.” MiA looked around. “Did you see Meto?”

“Oh yeah. He came out while you were talking about the park. He blushed and walked away.” Koichi started walking in the direction Meto had went.

MiA followed him, irritated. “Who’d you fuck?”

“The most popular girl in school, Ayako.” He gave a wink.

“I still don’t understand how you’re not known as the school slut,” MiA remarked absently.

Koichi stopped walking, the hurt obvious. “I’m not a slut,” he said quietly.

MiA’s eyes widened. “Oh shit, Koichi I didn’t...I’m not...I didn’t mean to say that, I swear. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” But MiA could see him trying to blink away the tears, trying to save himself the shame of having to wipe them away.

Koichi _hated_ that word. Slut. It was degrading and abusive. From what MiA knew, Koichi had only been called that once, and had been completely humiliated. It had been some party or another that MiA hadn’t been invited to. A bunch of guys were hanging out, and had started telling ridiculous opinions about each other. Most of the opinions could be laughed off, but not Koichi’s. One of his closer friends called him a slut in front of everybody, said that Koichi had had sex with half the school. Koichi ran out of the house, crying. He never spoke to any of them again.

“It’s okay to cry, Koichi,” MiA said gently.

“It’s just a word,” the pinku spat. He looked away, ashamed of the tears in his eyes.

MiA stepped closer and cupped his jaw, forcing Koichi to look into MiA’s gentle eyes. “It’s not just a word to you, Koichi. You hate that word, and I should never have said that. I’m so sorry. You have no idea how much I regret it.” He pulled Koichi into a hug.

The pinku hugged back. He’d already forgiven MiA for saying that dreadful word- how could he stay mad? “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

**********

Suddenly it felt like December was passing too quickly. MiA had his presents for Koichi ready (one for his birthday, one for Christmas) and had had success in helping Meto find one for the pinku as well. He’d finally finished his painting for Meto, and that only had to finish drying before he could wrap it. MiA had gotten permission from his parents to spend Christmas Eve with his friends, and was so excited. He couldn’t wait for the day to come.

**********

MiA could hardly contain his excitement as he stood in front of Meto’s door, attempting to warm his hands through his gloves. Snow rested on the street in glittering white mounds, making MiA even more excited. He held his bag full of presents on his arm, his hands occupied.

Meto answered the door, smiling. They kissed, and were handed travel mugs of hot tea from Meto’s parents. They left shortly after, words exchanged with smiles and laughs before the door closed and the couple were on their way.

The blond was a little disappointed that they couldn’t hold hands, but their hands were filled with drinks and presents. Instead he hummed a Christmas song, almost skipping with glee. Meto giggled and mouthed the words, which soon had MiA singing.

They reached Koichi’s house as another song ended, their spirits higher than heaven. The pinku answered the door, head adorned with reindeer antlers. MiA laughed and playfully tried to take them. Koichi dodged, which had MiA stumbling into the house. Meto giggled and entered as well. They took off their boots, reveling in the warm air of the house.

“Put the presents under the tree,” Koichi smiled. “I have cookies, freshly made! You guys should probably warm your hands before trying to wrestle that pesky wrapping paper.” Koichi disappeared into the kitchen.

The couple took off their jackets and settled on the couch after putting their presents under the tree. Koichi came into the room, carrying a tray of fresh cookies with three cups of dark tea balanced on one side. He carefully sat the tray down then joined them on the couch.

They talked and laughed for a while about things that wouldn’t matter in half an hour, and even Meto was talkative (through his phone, of course). None of them wanted the day to end.

When there was a break in conversation, Koichi spoke up. “Should we get to presents now? I, for one, am very curious as to what mine are.” The couple agreed and all of them sat in a little circle on the floor. Koichi grabbed a present at random. “Okay, this one is to...me, from Meto.” Thin pinku giggled. He started tearing off the wrapping paper, his excitement growing. Once all the paper was off he saw what it was. Meto had given him a plushie Fighter Kirby. Koichi blushed and glanced at MiA through his hair. “ MiA...you’re the only one that knows I like Kirby.”

MiA giggled. “Meto can’t tell anybody. Now say thank you,” he teased.

“Thank you,” Koichi mumbled, cheeks pink with embarrassment.

Meto looked confused and MiA laughed. “He’s embarrassed that he likes Kirby. Don’t worry. Deep down he loves it.” MiA giggled. Meto smiled and nodded. “I’ll choose the next one!” The blond announced. He took a large package out from under the tree after careful consideration and handed it to Meto. “To you, from this pink-haired freak.” MiA giggled as Koichi slapped him playfully.

Curious, Meto started tearing off wrapping paper. The package was soft and pliable. He wondered what it was...After tearing off all the paper, Meto saw what it was, and was stunned silent. It was a beautiful dress. But...why?

“I got it because you’re a doll, and, well...” Koichi blushed. “I thought you’d look like the perfect doll in it.”

_*The perfect doll.*_ Stunned and shocked, Meto could only stare at the package. This was...they didn’t know of his endeavor, yet Koichi had given him something with a meaning that was very dear to the doll’s heart.

“Meto...?” MiA was concerned that his boyfriend wasn’t responding because he hated it. He lightly touched Meto’s shoulder.

Quickly, Meto reanimated and started typing a response. ~You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you.~ Tears welled in his eyes, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t sad or in pain, so why...?

“Awh, you made him cry tears of joy!” MiA exclaimed. “I’d say you did well, Koichi.” MiA side-hugged the doll and giggled. He kissed Meto’s cheek them whispered in his ear. “Maybe you’ll wear it for me sometime, ne?” Meto blushed at the implications, lightly shoving at MiA.

“MiA, quit embarrassing your boyfriend. It’s not nice. Now...” Koichi rummaged through the presents. “To MiA, from his awesome best friend.”

The blond took the small package and unwrapped it. It was a thin, long box. MiA opened it and smiled. It was a simple silver chain with a single angel pendant on it. There was a small card under the necklace, and MiA picked it up, unfolding the slip of paper. ~I know you’re stronger than you look,~ the card started, ~but you should have a guardian angel looking over you anyways. You don’t deserve to be hurt. You never deserved to be hurt.~ MiA put his present down and embraced his best friend. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” His own tears started welling.

“Hey don’t go crying now!” You still have another present to unwrap.” Koichi had said it jokingly, but when MiA pulled away he saw the sincerity in Koichi’s eyes. He was happy MiA was happy, like always.

MiA was handed another present- this one from Meto. It was a small, square package. He ripped through the paper only to find a box. He pried open the scotch-taped flaps and pulled out a singular item. A brown teddy bear with a button eye on a keychain. MiA smiled.

~So you can have a Ruana too.~ Meto typed. ~Although I think you should name yours something different.~ The doll blushed.

MiA understood the sentiment, and was touched. Ruana was Meto’s safety blanket, so to speak. He kissed Meto, murmuring a ‘thank you’ against pierced lips. MiA clipped the bear onto his beltloop, then directed his direction to Koichi. “So Koichi. From me, you get two gifts. One for your birthday, and one for Christmas. Open your birthday present first.” MiA picked up another small gift and handed it to Koichi. “This is for turning 17, you freak.” He giggled as the pinku playfully punched him.

When Koichi opened it, he found a necklace. “Guess we read each other’s minds, ne?” He took it out of the box and held it up. “Saturn, huh. I like it.” Koichi noticed something peeking out from under the bed the necklace had been in. He lifted the bed up to find some money there. He was puzzled and was about to question MiA about it when the blond spoke.

MiA put hiss hand on Koichi’s shoulder and whispered in his ear. “I know you’ve been saving up for that tattoo you want, and I wanted to help a little bit.” MiA leaned away after Koichi nodded and smiled, then continued on like nothing had happened. “I kinda saw the necklace and could see you wearing it. The thought wouldn’t leave me alone, so I bought it.” MiA shrugged. “Anyways, you have another present.” He handed Koichi a broad, long, flat package.

Again puzzled, Koichi carefully unwrapped it, not sure how fragile it was. He was even more puzzled when he was faced with an envelope. He unclasped it and pulled out a piece of paper, deeply touched when he saw what it was. It was a drawing MiA had made. It was of a photograph that was taken when they were five. He remembered that photo, that day. They had been playing at the park, and in the photo they were on the swings. They were holding hands, and Koichi had just said something to make MiA laugh. When the picture had been printed they fought over who would keep it. In the end, Koichi relented and let MiA keep it. MiA had always been stubborn, and Koichi never could say no to him. Koichi had always loved that picture. It was his favorite of them. He tried not to cry. “I finally get a copy, huh? I think it’s better than the original, anyways.” The drawing wasn’t colored in, but that was okay. He thought you could focus on MiA’s smile more that way.. “Thank you, MiA. I’d say you don’t know how much this means to me, but you do. I can’t thank you enough.” Koichi put down the drawing and hugged his best friend. Happy tears fell.

When they parted MiA took the last present out from under the tree and handed it to Meto. “And finally...to Meto, from me.”

It was quite large, and the doll had been curious about it all day. He took the wrapping paper off, revealing the painting little by little. Meto was astounded by it when he saw the full picture. It was Meto dressed as Ruana, complete with a button eye. A skull-ish smile replaced lips, and you could even see all his piercings. He was holding Ruana to his chest. The background was mostly black, with little spots of color everywhere. Meto smiled this huge smile and typed. ~I love it so much. Thank you.~ He set the painting down and kissed MiA. MiA cupped his cheek and kissed him again. They kept kissing, lost in their own world.

“Okay, ew.” Koichi made a disgusted face. “No making-out in my house.”

MiA let go of those metal-tasting lips to glare at his best friend. “Oh please. I’ve walked in on you having sex before.”

Koichi frowned. “No you haven’t.”

“Yes I have. I came over here ‘cause I was bored, walked into your room, and saw you fucking some girl. I was horrified and left quietly. I never told you because I’m scarred for life.”

“You’ve seen me naked before,” Koichi retorted.

“Not while you were inside some girl.”

Meto giggled as their playful banter continued. That day felt absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know what a fighter Kirby looks like, here:  
> http://jzool-prd.s3.amazonaws.com/img/14224/m.jpg?1318393689


	13. I Wouldn't Trade You For the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto’s eyelids fluttered shut as the recent memories surfaced. Nobody had made him feel so good before. When he was touched, it used to always be pain. But he didn’t want to think about that right now. He wanted to think about MiA, about how much he loved him. He loved MiA so much. He was so kind and understanding. Even though he had a soft heart, MiA had been the doll’s rock since they met. Meto clutched one of MiA’s pillows and wiggled himself under the covers, encased in MiA’s smell.

A few days later MiA’s parents left for their trip. They’d made sure the fridge was stocked so their son wouldn’t have to buy anything, gave him emergency phone numbers, and other parent-y stuff. MiA only half paid attention, excited to have the house to himself. Soon Meto would come over without fear of MiA’s parents finding out. MiA couldn’t help the fantasies and idea running through his head, even though Meto had said earlier that month he wasn’t ready for sex. MiA hoped he could change Meto’s mind.

It was the next day that Meto came over. MiA assured the doll’s parents that they wouldn’t be alone, that there would be parents home. Meto was surprised with how easily his boyfriend lied, but he had said he lied to his own parents a lot too.

When they arrived at MiA’s house Meto put his bag down then was dragged over to the couch to straddle MiA. The blond held him close, face buried in the doll’s neck. “We do not get to do this often enough,” he murmured. “We do not get enough private time. Twice is not enough.” MiA kissed Meto’s neck. “I just want to have you all to myself sometimes, but I can’t. Between school and my overprotective parents we hardly get any time alone. It sucks, and I want you. God you have no idea how much I want you.”

Meto had his arms around his boyfriend, head bowed. He felt conflicted, not sure if he should go along with what MiA wanted or deny him of it. He breathed in MiA’s scent. The doll wanted to respond, but didn't want to move. He enjoyed being this close to his boyfriend.

Thankfully, MiA continued without him having to answer. “I know you said you’re not ready yet, but I was hoping we could kind of...ease into it. Do some things to build up to it. I know you said no, and if you still don’t want to I won’t, but it’s killing me. I want you so bad it hurts. You have no idea how hard it is for me, even now, to not do anything.”

The doll pushed away a little bit, just far enough for them to look each other in the face. Meto smiled nervously and nodded. He was apprehensive, but wasn’t sure he’d be comfortable with doing things like that until after he did them. And MiA wouldn’t hurt him. He could trust MiA. That was his greatest comfort.

MiA looked hopeful. “Really? Are you sure? I don’t want to push you into doing anything you don’t want to do.”

This time, Meto genuinely smiled. He kissed MiA in response. MiA licked his boyfriend’s lips as they parted. “Oh baby...” He kissed Meto, hard. “You have no idea what you just gave me permission to do. But I swear you’ll love every second of it.” The words sent shivers down Meto’s spine. MiA’s voice sounded like chocolate again.

MiA kissed Meto again, hands starting to wander. Meto’s mouth opened, and their tongues met. The doll was inexperienced, but tried his best to pleasure MiA. He didn’t really know what to do with his hands, and hesitantly slid them down the blond’s back.

MiA let go of the kiss to whisper to Meto. “Just follow my lead.” He could tell how unsure the doll was, and how he didn’t know what to do. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he let his love fumble blindly?

Meto’s hands were placed on MiA’s stomach, and he tried to mimic what MiA was doing. Going up and caressing skin through the shirts that they wore. Ghosting nipples and tracing collarbones. Meto enjoyed it, and he could hear little hums of pleasure come from MiA, which was a good thing. That meant MiA liked it too.

They engaged in another kiss, tongues meeting first, then lips locking. MiA played with Meto’s tongue piercing, making the doll moan. Hands slipped under Meto’s shirt, colder hands running over warmer skin. The doll buried his hands in MiA’s hair, pressing their lips together harder. He craved MiA like he never thought he could. That was the right word, right?

MiA felt a little hard, metal nub at the top of Meto’s chest. He moved it slightly, and Meto’s head fell back with a gasp. “Chest piercings, baby? I would’ve never thought...” He pressed on the metal nub experimentally, making his boyfriend shiver and moan. MiA attacked Meto’s neck with licks and kisses, still playing with the chest piercing. His other hand soon found an identical metal nub, directly across from the other one. He played with both of them while mouthing at Meto’s neck. The doll could barely hold himself together, it seemed. He was making all sorts of delightful noises, and was squirming in MiA’s lap. MiA could feel how hard he was, and bucked his hips once. Meto let out a shocked shout, the pleasure already becoming too much. He didn’t want it to stop, but at the same time felt like he couldn’t take anymore. His thighs were shaking with the strain.

The blond could tell how close his boyfriend was, and a hand ventured down to cup Meto’s clothed cock. The doll moaned from the contact, small hands gripping MiA’s shoulders. “Just let yourself go,” MiA breathed. He stroked Meto through his jeans, making him moan louder.

Meto was dizzy with sensation. He was hotter than he’d ever been and his mind was blank with pleasure. He’d never felt so good in his life...he felt himself shaking with the pleasure, hard from it. It kept building and building and he felt like he would burst. MiA kept pleasuring him, and almost too quickly Meto’s vision erupted into black as he came. He’d tossed his head back and moaned so loud he thought he’d lose his voice- and he might have even said something. His memory was too fuzzy to tell.

MiA hadn’t gotten off, but at the moment he was content. He’d just given Meto what was probably the first orgasm he’d ever had, and he felt good about that. “How was that, Meto-doll?” He moved Meto’s blue bangs off his forehead.

The doll simply leaned into MiA, arms around his shoulders, hanging loosely. That had felt incredible. But he didn’t want to talk, so he just nodded.

“Good?” MiA questioned. Meto nodded again with a little more vigor. The blond smiled. “Well you should change. If we wash your pants quickly enough, there won’t be a stain. C’mon. I’ll even carry you.”

Meto gave his permission by tightening his arms around MiA’s neck. He was picked up and carried up to MiA’s room. The doll was set down on the bed and MiA helped him take off his pants and underwear. Meto blushed, feeling shy about exposing himself to MiA. “I’ll be right back with a change of clothes, alright?” MiA kissed him then left.

Could he fall even more in love with MiA? Was it possible? He was about to pose those questions to Ruana, but realized he left her downstairs. Was he so comfortable with MiA that he didn’t need her? Vaguely, Meto remembered dropping her when MiA dragged him onto the couch.

Meto’s eyelids fluttered shut as the recent memories surfaced. Nobody had made him feel so good before. When he was touched, it used to always be pain. But he didn’t want to think about that right now. He wanted to think about MiA, about how much he loved him. He loved MiA so much. He was so kind and understanding. Even though he had a soft heart, MiA had been the doll’s rock since they met. Meto clutched one of MiA’s pillows and wiggled himself under the covers, encased in MiA’s smell.

Soon MiA entered the room with Meto’s bag in one hand and Ruana in the other. “You forgot her downstairs.” He smiled and gently and handed her to Meto. “I didn’t know if there was anything specific you wanted to wear, so I just brought your bag.” MiA sat the bag on the bed as Meto sat up. He blushed but hid it as he got out from under the covers and put on a pair of underwear and sweats.

~I’ve never felt so safe with someone before.~ Meto typed on his phone that had been given back. ~Thank you.~

MiA could see that Meto meant it with all his heart. He smiled and cuddled Meto on the bed. “I’m glad I can give you that.” He buried his face into Meto’s neck. “isn’t it weird how things change?” he mused to himself.

Meto frowned, since he had heard what MiA said. He pushed away a little to look MiA in the eyes, question in his. _*What happened, MiA?*_

MiA sighed and kissed Meto. “I was usually the one that had to feel safe and loved, even though that was almost never given to me.” He bit his lip then decided to continue. “My first boyfriend was named Louis. He was a transfer student from France. We were together during our last year of middle school. Things were pretty great for a while. He was sweet and he always showed his affection. I didn’t think I could ask for anybody better. ...Until he cheated on me.” MiA sighed again. “With a girl. I found a lacy thong in his room. When he came back into the room I showed it to him. We had a huge fight and broke up. He cheated on me because I wouldn’t have sex with him. I never thought it was a big deal, but I guess to him it was. I wanted to make sure I was never cheated on again so I ran to Koichi, crying.” He paused, not sure if he wanted to tell Meto this part. Meto tapped MiA’s arm, silently urging him to continue, so he did. “After I told him what had happened I begged him to take me. He tried to tell me that that wouldn’t solve my problems, but I wouldn’t listen to him. He gave in and gave me my first time. In hindsight, I should’ve listened to him.” MiA scoffed and hugged Meto a little tighter, hoping he didn’t think much of Koichi having sex with him two years ago. MiA quickly continued, not wanting to give Meto too much time to dwell on the thought. “Then, last year, I met Izuki. That relationship lasted almost six months. The first month and a half were great. Magical, even. He made me fall harder and harder every day. I was so enamored that me and Koichi drifted apart.”

MiA buried his face into Meto’s neck, inhaling his scent. MiA didn’t like talking about Izuki, or even thinking about him. But he had to tell the rest of the story, didn’t he? He kissed Meto a couple of times and took a deep breath before continuing. “He was an abuser. He had me in the palm of my hand and he knew it very well. He became overly possessive. I was _his_ , he _owned_ me.” MiA could feel himself wanting to cry already. He swallowed then continued. “He’d hit me in a rage, then apologize. And of course I’d forgive him. Every fucking time it happened I’d forgive him because he loved me, he didn’t mean it...the excuses went on and on. He hated it when I hung out with Koichi because he thought Koi was competition, that he wanted me. So I stopped talking to my best friend. I didn’t much talk to my parents anyways, and he told me every time he hit me not to tell them, lie about the bruises. And I did. Every goddamn fucking time I would lie, I would hide the bruises.” MiA realized he was white-knuckling Meto’s shirt and let go, mumbling a sorry. Meto wiped away the tears that had escaped MiA’s eyes and kissed him. MiA smiled a little and continued. “If he wanted sex I couldn’t deny him. Even then he would leave bruises...I had to wear long sleeves to cover the bruises, even when it was hot outside. At first I didn’t mind. He...He pleasured me too. But over time he became more forceful and it wasn’t fun anymore. We broke up because I denied him sex. He wanted it but I was tired of being sore so I said no. He...He yelled and hit me. I felt like a punching bag. Somehow- I don’t even remember how it happened- but somehow I’d slipped past him and ran out of his house, crying. I found myself in front of Koichi’s house. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him in months. I knocked and when Koichi answered I started sobbing and bawling and told him everything. He was furious. I’ve never seen him so angry...The next day at school he got into a fight with Izuki and beat the shit out of him. Koi made several, several death threats before they got broken up and he got suspended for hurting another student. I never saw Izuki again after that say. He transferred because he was scared of Koi. I...I had no doubt that if he could’ve, Koi would’ve killed him.”

Meto held in a gasp and buried his head in MiA’s chest. Learning that someone could kill was scary. But Koichi would only do that with people like Izuki, right? People like his tormentors...Meto allowed himself to think for a few seconds that if Koichi could, he’d kill Meto’s tormentors. But that would never happen. _*The only way you’d meet them is if they took you too.*_

MiA held Meto tighter and kissed his hair. “Sorry babe. I should’ve thought before I spoke.” Meto smiled up at him and tapped his arm again, so MiA continued. “Koichi and I didn’t leave each other’s sides for weeks. I grew real close with my parents and forced myself to become popular. I didn’t want to be alone. So I surrounded myself with people. After being so isolated...I was terrified of being alone. I was afraid that if I was alone, even for a second, I’d drift back into isolation. I needed human contact like I needed air.”

Meto looked up at MiA, big-eyed. _*Why would someone hurt you?*_ MiA had trauma too, just like Meto. He couldn’t help but smile. Maybe MiA understood him even more than he thought. To try to lighten the mood, Meto typed. ~And then there’s me?~ He showed MiA the question, a little smile on his face.

MiA laughed and kissed Meto. “And then there’s you. And I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And MiA's backstory is revealed!! I keep forgetting I hadn't mentioned any of this yet...ah well. You have it now. And some sexy stuff at the beginning :) I know it's actually kind of a boring chapter but it's important for later  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! :)


	14. It's Just a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “MiA...” Koichi took a stabilizing breath. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want anybody hitting you again, accidentally or not. And I get that you can’t stand to hear that. Be that as it may, I don’t want you to wake him up. The thought of you getting hit makes my blood boil. Just...the decision is yours to make. But don’t tell me if he hits you. I’d kill him.”

They slept cuddled together, but in the middle of the night something woke MiA up. Meto was whimpering in his arms. “Baby...?” he asked groggily.

“ No...stay away from me...please. I can’t take anymore.” The blond was on alert when he heard Meto speak. His voice was clear this time, not distorted like usual. Was this one of the night-terrors Meto’s parents had spoken of?

Meto jerked suddenly. “No! No! Stop! Stop, please! It hurts...It hurts! No more, no more...” His screams pierced the air, then he was reduced to sobs of agony. “No! Anything but that, please...I’ll do anything, I swear! Just-” An ear-splitting shriek was let out and he would’ve flailed if MiA hadn’t been holding him so tight.

“Meto? Meto, wake up!” MiA shook him. “Meto! Meto, it’s just a dream! Meto!” The doll startled awake and hit MiA out of panic. “Meto! Meto baby, it’s me! Meto-doll...”

When Meto’s panic faded he saw MiA. He launched himself at his boyfriend and latched onto him, crying into his chest.

“It’s alright baby. You’re safe now. It’s just a dream. They won’t hurt you anymore,” MiA cooed. He stroked through Meto’s hair and repeatedly kissed his head, whispering comforting words. He rocked and cooed Meto until he calmed down, then held him silently.

After what seemed like hours, they finally pulled apart to look at each other. MiA brushed Meto’s bangs away. “Are you okay?”

The doll shook his head. He’d just dreamed his greatest torment. Worse than the rape, the knives, the burns. It was worse than everything. He shuddered at the thought. Only they could be so cruel.

MiA’s heart broke when the doll responded no. MiA took a deep breath to calm himself too. “Let’s get some tea. How’s that sound?” Meto nodded and they left for the kitchen. It was rather cold, and the blond picked up a few blankets from the couch, handing one to Meto. He started boiling water for the tea then wet a washcloth with warm water. He returned to Meto and tilted his head up, starting to clean Meto’s face of dry tears and snot. Afterwards, he sat in a chair and dragged Meto onto his lap, clutching him like he’d disappear any second. Meto started to move away, but MiA just held on tighter. “Just let me hold you for a while, please...”

Meto gave up and slouched against him. He knew he just gave his boyfriend a scare, but couldn’t help it. He couldn’t control his dreams.

They had some tea then went back to bed. The next morning, Meto woke up, alone in MiA’s double bed. He heard MiA’s voice coming through the cracked door and followed it. When he got closer he could hear what was being said.

“No, you don’t get it. It was terrifying.” Meto stayed in the stairwell, not sure if MiA would continue the conversation if he was in the room.

“Koichi, he had a night terror while he was in my arms. Do you understand how scary that is?”

MiA heard his best friend sigh through the phone. “What did you do?”

“I woke him up! I couldn’t just sit there.”

“Then what did he do?”

“ He...hit me. But he was panicked and...he was so scared.”

“You’re not supposed to wake someone when they’re having a dream like that, MiA. They’re liable to hit or attack you because they’re panicked.”

“So what? You want me to do _nothing_? Lay next to him and hear him beg for mercy for...minutes? Half an hour? Hold him while he struggles out of my arms? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to see him go through that? I’d rather have him panic and hit me when I wake him up than hear that.”

“MiA...” Koichi took a stabilizing breath. “Look, I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want anybody hitting you again, accidentally or not. And I get that you can’t stand to hear that. Be that as it may, I don’t want you to wake him up. The thought of you getting hit makes my blood boil. Just...the decision is yours to make. But don’t tell me if he hits you. I’d kill him.”

It was scary how serious the pinku sounded. “I know. I...I’ll do something. I’ll think of something. Alright?” Koichi hummed an affirmation. “Well, I’ll talk to you later. I have to make some kind of breakfast.”

Koichi giggled, his mood lightening almost instantly. “You’re such a housewife sometimes. I’ll talk to you later. Bye~”

Meto had heard only half the conversation, and felt a mixture of guilt and warmth. He felt guilty for making MiA worry like that, but also felt warmed that he was cared about so much. It was still sometimes difficult to accept that someone cared so much. MiA loved him. A strange word, with so much encompassing it. He still wasn’t sure what it meant all the time, but that was okay. He had MiA, and MiA loved him. He didn’t think he needed anything else.

He came down the stairs the rest of the way, loud enough so MiA would hear him. The blond turned and smiled. “Hey baby. Anything special you’d like for breakfast?”

Meto shrugged. He’d forgotten his phone on its charger, and he really didn’t feel like going back upstairs.

MiA chastely kissed him. “ Anything’s fine?” The doll nodded. “Well. I’ll make something.” He smiled and headed towards the kitchen.

Meto followed him. At the moment, the world felt perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's a very short chapter, but my next update is 3K words! I forgot it was that long...  
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this update and kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3


	15. I Want to Know All of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA giggled and pushed away. “Sorry, love.” Concern soon washed over MiA when he looked into Meto’s eyes. He tilted his boyfriend’s head up. “Meto-doll, I...I want to go all the way tonight. It’s our last chance and I just want to feel you- know all of you. But we won’t do anything if you don’t want to.” MiA bit his lip.
> 
> The doll took a deep breath and nodded.

Their days alone together passed happily- and full of hormones. MiA had made sure to build up to sex quickly, since he wasn’t sure they’d get another chance after his parents came home. Meto seemed to be enjoying it, at least. MiA _loved_ hearing Meto’s moans and feeling how his thighs would tremble when he was close to orgasm.

Meto was still apprehensive about going farther with MiA. He’d never really _told_ MiA that he’d been raped, and hoped he didn’t have to. He hated that MiA may have to know what happened to him.

Night was falling as Meto mused, a now cold cup of tea in his hands. MiA was upstairs doing...something, Meto wasn’t sure what. He’d specifically asked Meto to stay downstairs until MiA was done. The doll was puzzled, but complied.

He perked when he heard MiA coming down the stairs and put his cold tea down. MiA looked a little nervous, but when he met Meto he wasted no time in kissing the doll. Meto melted into his touch, sighing into the kiss. He’d become so comfortable with kissing MiA, but Meto knew he wanted more. The doll pressed into MiA, lightly moaning. He had to reach up on his tip-toes, even though MiA had already leaned down. He was so tall that sometimes it frustrated Meto. It made him feel tiny.

MiA backed away instead of pulling closer, which made Meto pout. The blond laughed and started heading for the stairs. “Follow me.” He smirked then ran up the stairs, Meto running behind him, clutching Ruana in excitement.

Once they were in MiA’s room and the door shut, the blond kissed Meto passionately. Tonight, MiA hoped they would go all the way. He felt it was their last chance to try, since his parents were coming home the next night. MiA was taken out of his thoughts when Meto whined. The doll was on his tip-toes, straining to keep their lips attached. MiA had started to straighten his back, and Meto wasn’t that tall.

MiA giggled and pushed away. “Sorry, love.” Concern soon washed over MiA when he looked into Meto’s eyes. He tilted his boyfriend’s head up. “Meto-doll, I...I want to go all the way tonight. It’s our last chance and I just want to feel you- know all of you. But we won’t do anything if you don’t want to.” MiA bit his lip.

Meto thought about it for a few seconds. He was still apprehensive, but wasn’t in the practice of denying his boyfriend. MiA had been nothing but kind and gentle, and he could trust MiA. MiA wouldn’t hurt him. The doll took a deep breath and nodded. Anticipation curled in his gut.

MiA’s eyes widened. “Really? You’re sure?” Meto nodded again. MiA relaxed into a smile. He gently kissed his boyfriend, then added, “Tell me if I do something you don’t like, okay? If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, I need to know. Okay?” Meto nodded once again. The blond pressed a chaste kiss to pierced lips then whispered, “Get on the bed.”

The doll shivered from the whispered command and obliged. He set Ruana on the nightstand and climbed onto the bed. He laid down most of the way, propping himself on his elbows.

MiA was already hard, just thinking about it. He could have Meto, exactly as he dreamed. Sweat-slicked, moaning, and writhing under him. The blond smiled and slid onto the bed. He crawled towards Meto and started climbing on top of him.

Innocent as the action seemed, it paralyzed Meto. Images of his past haunted him. Images of strong, tanned hands instead of MiA’s fair ones. He looked up at MiA for reassurance, but instead saw the twisted, sadistic face of his tormentor. The doll shoved MiA back, making him almost fall off the bed. Meto grabbed Ruana from the nightstand, gripping her as tight as he could, that demonic laugh filling his head.

MiA managed to catch himself and pull himself back up onto the bed before he hit the floor. When he turned to look at Meto he saw the utter fear in his boyfriend’s eyes, and a stake went through his heart. “Baby, what’s wrong? What did I do?”

Meto stayed silent, shaking from terror. He looked away from MiA, that kind face being shadowed by another, much less kind face. _*Why did you do this to me??*_

“No...” MiA fisted the sheets, tears coming to his eyes. Meto had hinted at it before, but MiA hadn’t wanted to believe it. “So you really were...” The blond couldn’t force the other word out. Raped. Meto had been raped. Tears fell down his cheeks. “Who would do such a thing? Who could do such a thing to you? Why...” MiA let out a sob. “You’re too precious. Too beautiful. You don’t deserve that.” MiA couldn’t stop thinking about how Meto must’ve screamed and cried and even begged for it to stop. If he’d known before...”We shouldn’t do this. Not if you’ve been...” He shook his head. “Meto, why would you agree when you-” MiA choked on the word again. “Why? Why would you do it?”

Tentatively, Meto reached out and touched MiA’s hand. That shadow had finally went away and Meto wanted his boyfriend. _*I can trust MiA. MiA won’t hurt me.*_ He interlaced their fingers and looked into MiA’s eyes, desperation starting to cloud his own. The doll started to crawl closer, still holding Ruana tight. MiA was crying, and Meto hated the sight. He wiped away some of the tears and cradled his boyfriend’s face. MiA closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Hesitantly, the doll brushed his lips against MiA’s. The shock of cold metal and warm lips made MiA open his eyes. The blond gazed at Meto, a little confused as to why he looked so desperate.

Meto took a few shaky breaths and opened his mouth. “I...” The word came out intelligible, and his voice was distorted, rough, and scratchy. Meto swallowed and took a few more breaths. “I want you.” It was hard to force the words out but he had to, even though he wasn’t sure MiA could understand him. The words were still distorted and garbled, and Meto hoped MiA would understand.

MiA had trouble deciphering the words through the distortion of an unused voice. When MiA finally deciphered the words, he was shocked. “W-Why? I don’t want you to-”

He was cut off with a kiss. Meto kissed him hard, leaving no room for discussion. He pressed himself against MiA, hand on the back of his head. Slowly, that hand tightened into a fist, clutching at strands of blond hair.

MiA caved. His boyfriend had never been this forward before, and MiA found it hot. He returned the kiss with equal intensity. He wrapped an arm around Meto’s waist and put his other of the doll’s shoulder. Their tongues met, MiA unable to resist playing with Meto’s tongue piercing. He found himself more and more addicted to that piercing every time he felt it.

In the back of his mind, a little part of Meto was doubting himself. Was this really a good idea? He was terrified when MiA tried to do something as simple as crawl over him. How could he possibly.. _.*No. Don’t think that. We’ll figure it out. We have to.*_ So he just focused on how good it felt to have MiA’s lips against his and how warm he felt in MiA’s arms. The blond had started caressing Meto’s skin, going lower and lower until he cupped Meto’s half-hard dick through his jeans. The doll shuddered out a moan, head falling back.

MiA took this as an opportunity to start pushing Meto to lay down, distracted as he was. MiA had an idea that might help distract Meto from a body hovering over him.

Meto was too lost in MiA to know what was happening until his head hit the pillow. He gasped at the suddenness, and MiA quickly left Meto’s lips, a quick kiss pressed to his stomach. The blond kissed along the hem of Meto’s pants and slowly undid them. It felt almost like he was handling a wild animal- any sudden moved and you’re doomed. He tugged on Meto’s jeans, silently asking for permission. After slight hesitation, Meto nodded.

The doll lifted his hips so MiA could slide his pants off, leaving his tight boxers on. Once the pants were off, MiA ran his hands across Meto’s smooth legs. He lifted a leg and pressed a soft kiss to the inner thigh. Meto squirmed a little and his breath hitched.

MiA continued to leave kisses and licks on Meto’s thigh, making him whimper and moan and squirm. He switched to the other thigh and gave it the same treatment. The doll’s whimpers started to sound like pleas for more, and MiA smirked. He latched onto Meto’s thigh, sucking a dark mark there. A strangled sound came out of Meto’s mouth. MiA giggled and stroked Meto’s now fully hard cock. Meto moaned and lifted his hips a little. MiA kissed the doll’s stomach then went lower to mouth at his cock through his underwear. Meto gasped and bucked his hips, wanting more of that wetness on his cock. Gently, MiA placed his hands on Meto’s hips. There wasn’t any real force behind it- he didn’t want to think about how bad Meto might panic if he was restrained- but the message was clear. The doll tried to control himself enough so MiA could do what he pleased, but it was so hard. He didn’t know sex could feel so good, and they hadn’t even gotten to the actual sex part. Faintly, Meto wondered if that would be pleasurable too.

Meto’s underwear was magically off his body (he wasn’t sure when or how it happened) and MiA licked at the head of his bare, erect cock. A loud moan left Meto’s shocked body. MiA took another lick, tasting precum. MiA was surprised to find that Meto tasted sweet. There was still some bitterness, but mostly he tasted sweet, like fruit.

MiA nuzzled into the hollow of his boyfriend’s hip. “You’re so fucking perfect,” he murmured. “You will always be perfect and I will always love you.”

Those words caught Meto by surprise. He was perfect? How could he be perfect? He was broken and used. How could something like that be perfect? He was simply a doll with broken parts.

All those thoughts vanished as he felt wet heat around his cock. The doll moaned and arched his back. He wasn’t sure if anything could feel better. MiA sucked on the head, and Meto’s hips bucked. The blond gagged and retreated. He coughed then smiled. “Baby if you do that I’ll choke. I don’t want to restrain you.” MiA had only given head a couple times- once that fateful night with Koichi, and a couple times with Izuki. He knew there was no chance in hell he would be able to deep throat, but he wanted Meto to know the pleasure he could give.

Meto nodded and MiA dipped his head back down, licking the head again before engulfing it. He started to suck again, going just a little deeper. Delicious gasping sounds left Meto’s throat from the treatment, and he squirmed in an effort to not lift his hips. MiA went as deep as he could go and sucked hard. A loud, broken moan left the doll’s mouth at the treatment. MiA stroked what he couldn’t reach with his mouth.

What was MiA doing to him? His mind was so clouded with pleasure that he couldn’t think. Meto felt himself coming close to orgasm already, thighs trembling. MiA knew, of course, and tongued Meto’s slit. Loud sounds kept leaving the doll’s mouth as he inched closer and closer to orgasm.

When he came Meto arched his back and spilled his seed into MiA’s mouth. A choked scream left his mouth and he absently bucked his hips, choking MiA. Meto was a little dazed afterwards, and MiA shed himself of his clothes.

MiA had always hated when Izuki told him to swallow, but didn’t mind swallowing Meto’s cum. Izuki had been extremely bitter, but Meto was sweet. He kissed Meto’s stomach and smiled.

He started kissing up Meto’s chest, inching up Meto’s shirt as he went. To doll was still dazed, but aware. He thought that must’ve been the best orgasm he’d had so far. Meto knew MiA intended to give him another one, and vaguely wondered if sex would be good too. Meto knew enough to know that rape wasn’t sex, but didn’t know what proper sex was. But MiA would show him, right? Sex had to be better that what he’d had, right? MiA wouldn’t hurt him, and if sex was painful they wouldn’t be doing it. Right?

But he didn’t want to think about that right now. MiA was kissing up his chest, the little flicks of his tongue shooting new sparks of arousal through Meto. Eventually his shirt was off, and MiA latched onto Meto’s exposed nipples. He licked and sucked at one and used his fingers to play with the other. A weak moan left the doll’s mouth as he arched into the touch. His cock was starting to harden again from the treatment. Meto’s moans grew in strength as his cock hardened. He gasped as he felt MiA’s bare, hard cock against his own, hips lifting faintly. The blond thrust against the doll until he was fully hard, then kissed him gently.

“I-I’m gonna start prepping you, okay?” Worry washed over MiA like a tidal wave. He explained what he meant when he saw Meto’s confused expression. “I’ll start by putting a finger inside you, and slowly put in more so that you’ll be properly ready for me when I enter you. Okay?”

Slowly, Meto nodded. That didn’t sound too bad. Did that mean it would hurt less? MiA took a bottle off of the nightstand and snapped the lid open. He shot Meto a reassuring smile and poured it onto his fingers. Curious, Meto watched him. What was that stuff? When that hand can down and touched his entrance, however, Meto tensed.

MiA kissed him. “Baby, it’ll be okay. This won’t hurt, I promise. Just a little discomfort, I swear. I would never hurt you.” The blond kept whispering reassurances to Meto until he relaxed. MiA kissed him and stroked his cock as a distraction while inserting the single finger. Meto whined a bit in discomfort but otherwise seemed okay. MiA waited until Meto was making pleasured sounds again before inserting another finger. He did this twice more- even adding a fourth finger so his entrance into Meto would hardly hurt at all.

Meto was left a little confused by the time his boyfriend stopped fingering him. The pleasure had kept ebbing and flowing- leaving the doll a moaning mess one second and making him whine in discomfort the next. He wasn’t really sure why MiA had done it, only knowing that it meant it would hurt less. MiA stroked his boyfriend’s hair, gaining his attention.

“I-I won’t hurt you,” he whispered. A soft kiss to Meto’s lips. “I’ll enter you and I don’t want you to be scared. This’ll feel good, I promise.” He was still worried, and if Meto wanted to back out- even now- MiA would let him.

For a few seconds, Meto hesitated. His instinct screamed at him that he’d only get hurt, that he’d be screaming and crying. But Meto knew MiA. So Meto nodded, pleading with his eyes.

They kissed again, long and sweet. “I’ll be careful. I love you. I won’t hurt you.” MiA poured more of the lube onto his hands and made sure his dick was soaked with the stuff to make entrance as painless as possible. MiA lined himself up with Meto’s hole, and when his boyfriend gave a little nod, MiA started pushing himself in. It was the first time he’d felt such a tight hot space on himself and shuddered at the feeling. Meto tensed when MiA only had the head in, and the blond stopped to comfort him. A few tears leaked out of Meto’s eyes- whether out of frustration or fright he wasn’t sure.

When Meto relaxed MiA pushed in a little more, stopping when Meto tensed again. MiA comforted him until he relaxed again and pushed in a little more. Every inch MiA pushed in Meto tensed and tears would spring into his eyes. And every time he tensed, MiA would stop and kiss and reassure him until he relaxed. When MiA was finally all the way in he stilled, waiting for Meto to tell him he could move.

Meto let out a small breath. It hadn’t hurt. It was a little uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt. MiA kissed Meto, and he arched into the kiss. MiA moved a little, and a small gasp left Meto. He wrapped his arms around the blond’s neck to keep their lips together. They kissed incessantly as MiA started moving shallowly. Little sounds left Meto’s throat. It felt _good_. He hadn’t thought it would, but MiA inside him was incredible.

Meto wrapped his legs around MiA’s waist, silently urging him to do more. The blond thrust deeper, and a moan left Meto’s mouth. Their kisses turned feverish; their tongues danced. Their moans melded together as the pace increased even more. Meto’s hand fisted in long blond hair and he threw his head back, gasping in need. MiA’s mouth found his throat, sucking a dark mark onto the base of his neck, kissing it afterwards. “I love you,” MiA murmured.

Their mouths met again, impatient and fervent. Gaps and moans mixed as their both neared orgasm. MiA’s hands wandered Meto’s small frame. One hand sneaked down to stroke Meto’s dick, making him writhe and arch under MiA- louder delectable sounds leaving his throat. MiA thrust a little harder, louder moans leaving his own throat.

Meto writhed and his kisses became desperate. It felt like they could barely breathe, but that didn’t matter. Meto felt so close, could feel the now-familiar trembling of his thighs. He knew MiA could feel it too, and increased his efforts. They were both breathless, yet wouldn’t stop kissing. It was only a few more minutes before they lost it. Meto came first, arching his back and letting out a loud moan. MiA thought it was a beautiful sight, and that’s all it took for him. His back bowed and he released a series of sounds into Meto’s mouth.

MiA sagged, breath coming out shallowly. He slowly and jerkily laid himself down next to Meto, pulling out in the process. The doll whimpered at the loss. MiA’s arms wrapped around Meto, pulling them flush together, Meto’s back to his chest. He laid a gentle kiss to his boyfriend’s shoulder. “How was that?”

Meto smiled. MiA couldn’t see, but he smiled anyways. He took MiA’s hand in his and pressed a kiss to the back. The doll heard a breathless laugh behind him. Mia knew what he meant, and Meto was grateful that he understood the silent communication.

The mark on Meto’s neck was kissed again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that, ne?” MiA giggled and buried his face in the crook of Meto’s neck. “But I’m sure your mother owns cover-up. If yours doesn’t mine does~” This time Meto giggled. MiA smiled softly. “Let’s go to sleep. We can clean up in the morning. I don’t wanna let go of you.” The doll smiled and made himself more comfortable. They fell asleep not too long later, the safety and comfort of each other’s arms too loved and warm to stay awake.

Meto didn’t dream that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! We're getting to the good stuff :)  
> And if anyone cares, since it is NaNoWriMo...it is going terribly. I keep writing everything I'm not supposed to write, which is irritating...but you have to do what the muses want you to do unless you want them to throw bricks at you.  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	16. I Love Him!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto’s hold slackened in shock and hurt. MiA took that opportunity and lunged at his mother. He shoved her in the direction of the door. “I don’t care what you say about me, but don’t you dare say anything about Meto! You have no right! Get out! Get the fuck out!” He was screaming at her, muscles tensed in fury. Meto had never seen him so angry, and it scared him.

MiA woke up to voices downstairs. Still extremely tired, nothing registered as wrong. He snuggled into Meto more, a dreamy smile on his lips. They’d had sex, and Meto _enjoyed_ it. MiA felt like he could fly on a cloud.

He was still groggy when his door opened. “MiA, I wanted to tell you we’re back a little early-” the voice suddenly stopped. Proverbial ice had been thrown on MiA as he belatedly recognized that voice. His mother. “MiA, what the hell is going on?” she said slowly, voice hardening.

_*Shit.*_ The blond half sat up, wary of his parent. He knew he couldn’t lie about what had happened. Clothes were strewn everywhere, he was in bed with a very naked boyfriend, and the room smelled of sex. “What do you think?” MiA surprised himself by sounding more hostile than expected. Meto stirred in his arms.

“We told you to never see him again.” Her voice had turned cold.

MiA glared in defiance. “You’re not in charge of my life.” Meto shifted once more then woke. He glanced around the room in a daze before his eyes landed on the parent. Meto’s eyes widened as he sat up. MiA sat up fully as well and pushed Meto to stay behind him.

His mother slapped MiA so hard his head was forced to the side. “I am in charge of your life till you leave this house! And not only is he here but you had sex with him? I taught you better.”

The blond’s fists tightened in anger. “I love him!” he screamed. “I love him and what we did was an act of love! It wasn’t even my first time!” MiA wished he could take that last sentence out of the air and eat it.

Another slap. “You’re a teenager! You know nothing of love. And you would dare do such a thing behind my back? You would dare have sex? You’re too young!”

“I know what I’m doing! You don’t know me! So stop acting so fucking mighty and get off your damned high horse! You can’t tell me what’s good for me because you don’t know me.”

Her gaze hardened impossibly more. “If you know what you’re doing then break up with him.”

MiA snapped. The only reason he didn’t lunge out of bed at his mother was because Meto had his arms wrapped around him. “I won’t break a heart simply because I’m told!” he roared. “Get out! Get the fuck out of my room!”

“You are in no place to tell me what to do. I am the parent and you do as you’re told! Get rid of him!”

MiA snarled. “No! I don’t care about what you want. I love him!”

“He is a freak- and clearly a slut.”

Meto’s hold slackened in shock and hurt. MiA took that opportunity and lunged at his mother. He shoved her in the direction of the door. “I don’t care what you say about me, but don’t you dare say anything about Meto! You have no right! Get out! Get the fuck out!” He was screaming at her, muscles tensed in fury. Meto had never seen him so angry, and it scared him.

“Get out!” MiA screamed again. “If you can’t stand my decision I’ll just leave!” The blond slammed the door in her face. He was breathing hard and his face was flushed red with anger. It was a few moments before MiA moved. He locked the door and turned to Meto. “Sorry baby. I wish you didn’t have to witness that.” MiA moved to the bed and kissed Meto. “I won’t let anyone say shit like that about you again. And if they do, I’ll protect you every single time.” The blond got dressed and pulled a large duffel bag out from under his bed. The doll’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. MiA sat back on his heels and sighed. “I meant it, Meto-doll. If they won’t accept it and say things like that, I’ll leave. I need to leave. Show them that I mean it. They can’t just say things like that.”

Concern washed over Meto, and it must’ve shown. MiA gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. Koichi will always let me stay with him, especially after something like this. I don’t know how long I’ll stay with him- a couple weeks probably. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ve dealt with worse.”

_*So have I...*_ Meto watched as MiA started throwing clothes and essentials in the bag. When the bag was half-full Meto realized that he still needed to get dressed. The doll slid out from under the warm blankets and slowly dressed. He put his clothes into his own bag and made himself presentable while he waited for MiA. After MiA was finished packing he called Koichi, who assured his best friend that he could stay for a while.

When they walked downstairs the blond had another fight with his parents. It was ugly and loud, two parents against one son. They berated MiA for having sex (especially with someone as despicable as Meto) and said a number of things to make a point about how horrible Meto was. They berated MiA for making such poor choices, at one point even screaming that he wasn’t their son. MiA fought back just as ferociously, defending Meto and their relationship. The doll stayed near the stairs, gripping Ruana so tight he thought she might pop. Involuntary tears sprang to his eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things had been so _perfect_ and it was all ruined in one moment. It was frustrating and it _hurt_. For one moment, the doll had tasted perfection, and now knew that he couldn’t become a Perfect Doll without MiA.

He inched away from the stairs as he felt the vicious argument coming to a close. Meto thought he saw tears running down MiA’s reddened face, but it didn’t show in his voice. It was quiet for a few seconds, and Meto tentatively wrapped his hand around MiA’s wrist. The blond started and turned toward his boyfriend. He took a deep breath and combed through blue hair. “We should go.” And out of spite or simply because he wanted to, MiA kissed him softly. His parents raged, but MiA paid them no attention. Instead, he picked up his bag, handed Meto his, and walked out the door. After it was closed behind him the blond leaned against it, a heavy breath leaving his chest. Meto tugged on his hand after a moment. “I know, baby, I know. We’ll leave in a minute. Arguing with them is exhausting. I haven’t fought with them like that in a long time.”

Meto nodded and sat down his bag. It was absolutely frigid outside, and neither of them were dressed properly. Meto wasn’t wearing a jacket and MiA had only a light one on. The doll tugged MiA’s hand again, seeing him shiver. The blond simply smiled- albeit a little tired- and started to walk. Meto picked up his own bag and followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
>  Well...they couldn't be happy forever.


	17. Bowl of Candy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA smiled and sat up, taking the tea and letting it soothe his dry throat before speaking. “Thanks, Koichi. For everything. It really means a lot to me.”  
> Koichi pulled MiA into a side hug. “It’s what best friends are for.”

Koichi was slightly puzzled when he opened the door to find the couple. He raised an eyebrow in question, yet concern still held in his eyes.  
“Don’t worry,” MiA started. “Meto’s been staying at my house, and the argument happened...anyways, he’s going home. Just let us in for a moment. Its freezing out here.”

Koichi nodded and let them in. Meto dropped his bag near the door and MiA carried his to Koichi’s room. When they were all sitting in Koichi’s room the pinku asked what had happened. The further MiA got into his story, the graver and more concerned Koichi was. It had been a long time since MiA had fought with them like that. “Are you both okay?” Koichi asked softly. MiA nodded wearily, but it took Meto a little too long to respond in the same manner. Koichi had suspected MiA left certain details out of his story, and Koichi thought they were things that were hurtful towards Meto. And by the doll’s reaction, Koichi was right.

Meto left soon after that, declining MiA’s offer to walk him home. The couple conversed quietly near the entrance to the pinku’s room, Meto somehow getting his point across through gestures and expressions. A few kisses were exchanged and Koichi was sure an ‘I love you’ was whispered.  
“How do you do that?” Koichi asked after his best friend turned to face him

“Do what? MiA sat beside the pinku on his bed.

“You know...understand him like that. With all the gestures and stuff.”

MiA shrugged. “I don’t really know. Over the last week we’ve been spending so much time together and I just get it. It’s easy for me to tell what he’d say if he spoke."

Koichi nodded. “There’s something you didn’t say. About what happened this morning. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but I don’t want you to be burdened by something like this.”

MiA let out a breath, suddenly looking very angry and hurt. “She called him a slut.” Koichi held in the gasp that wanted to escape. That was a very taboo word. He knew the blond hated it just as much as he did, and no matter how much Koichi disapproved of Meto, that was crossing several lines.

The blond shook his head, fists clenching. “She had no right. She would dare say that after what he’s been through? After he’s been...” MiA shook his head again. “I don’t care what she says about me. But saying shit like that about him...there’s no chance in hell that I’d let anyone get away with that.”

MiA started crying out of anger, and Koichi wiped the tears away. “No, it’s not right. She shouldn’t have said that- or even thought it. Nobody should be called that.” Meto wasn’t a slut. He was about as far from being a slut as you could be without being a virgin. The pinku wrapped an arm around MiA’s shoulders. “There’s something else too, isn’t there."

It wasn’t a question. Koichi knew him so well by now that he could almost read the blond’s mind. MiA swallowed. “Last night, he told me. Meto was...” MiA had to stop and force the word out, and could only say it in the quietest voice he had, “...raped.” His tears turned to those of pain and hurt. “He doesn’t deserve that. How could somebody do that, Koichi? He's so beautiful and perfect and it hurts to know something like that happened to him. He was fourteen when he was returned. He was a kid! Twelve, thirteen...it’s not right. How...How could they...”

Koichi held MiA as he broke into sobs. Koichi hated how Meto always made MiA cry- but this time was different. Having gone through such horrors...it wasn’t Meto’s fault, and Koichi felt that pain too. Meto had gone through insurmountable pain, and it would be cruel of Koichi if he let the doll carry all of it by himself.

MiA slept for hours after he stopped crying. He was exhausted from the fighting and crying. Koichi was worried about him, but from seeing how deeply and peacefully MiA slept made a conscious decision to not worry.

MiA woke up when the sun was just starting to set. He was a little disorientated, and his throat was incredibly dry. After a few seconds he remembered he was in Koichi’s room. He simply laid there for a while, not wanting to get up. That morning had been absolutely terrible, and MiA wished he could forget it. All he wanted to do was sleep some more, but the world of consciousness demanded his attention. MiA groaned and flipped onto his stomach. He felt absolutely shitty, and wasn’t sure anything could fix that.

“Rough day, huh?” MiA craned his neck to see Koichi, carrying a cup of tea. The blond just groaned again and buried his face in a pillow. Koichi chuckled. “The tea is for you, by the way. It’s the least I can do after what you’ve been through today. Hell, you deserve a bowl of candy after today, but I don’t have a bowl of candy."

MiA smiled and sat up, taking the tea and letting it soothe his dry throat before speaking. “Thanks, Koichi. For everything. It really means a lot to me.”

Koichi pulled MiA into a side hug. “It’s what best friends are for.”

The blond looked out the window. It was completely dark outside, and, somehow, MiA was tired again. “Hey, can I ask for a favor?” Koichi gave him an affirmative hum. “It’s just...” MiA’s cheeks dusted pink. “I’ve had a warm body next to me for a week, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep alone tonight.”

Koichi smiled softly. “Of course I’ll cuddle with you. You don’t even have to ask.” Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed MiA’s temple, then faltered. “ Umm...” He bit his lip in uncertainty.

“It’s fine,” MiA said too quickly. “We used to do that all the time when we were sad, right? That’s how we comforted each other when we were little. It’s fine. At least it wasn’t on my lips, right? That would have been weird.” MiA smiled from the memories.

Koichi chuckled. “Yeah. We should both probably change. Need me to lend you something?”

“Nah. I’ll just sleep in my underwear, if that’s okay.”

Koichi shrugged. “Whatever is fine with me.”

They crawled into bed a few minutes later, clinging to each other. Unnatural sleepiness took over MiA and he slept again, which worried Koichi. It was never a good thing to see someone sleep so much, and it only added to the pinku’s constant worries for his best friend.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the chapter is a little boring, but it is necessary.  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated <3


	18. What's Happening?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA and Koichi sank to the ground of the deserted hallways, clinging to each other in terror. MiA buried his face into Koichi’s neck, sobs shaking his body. “What’s happening?”
> 
> Koichi tried to be strong long enough to answer the question. “I don’t know. I don’t-” A sob of his own escaped him, which released a torrent of them. He didn’t know what was happening, and that was terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter there is violence, mention of rape, and overall mental instability, flashbacks, ect. ect. This is a very negative chapter and I would hope that if you are reading this then you know from my tags what was to be included in this story and that none of this would trigger you but be warned that this chapter has those themes and if you are sensitive to them to be careful while reading this chapter. I don't advise to skip this chapter since it is the catalyst for the rest of the story, however.

Their first day back at school was a few days later, and it was a complete disaster. MiA had borrowed one of Koichi’s uniforms, which didn’t quite fit right. MiA was slightly broader than his best friend, so the shoulders were uncomfortable, and everything was a little too long. MiA’s text halfway into the morning had woken Meto up, so his boyfriend had to rush to get ready.

If only he had woken up on time.

Somehow, Koichi and MiA had gotten separated once they arrived at school, and MiA found himself pinned to a row of lockers somewhere in the school. “What the fuck?”

The boy who was seemingly in charge of this particular group laughed. Bile rose in MiA’s throat as he was reminded of Izuki. “Does the psychopath want down?” He threw a punch to the blond’s gut, making him sputter. MiA couldn’t even defend himself since two others had pinned his arms to the lockers. The boy laughed again. “Tell me. Did you enjoy fucking such an insane slut?”

MiA’s eyes widened. How could they know? There was no way they could know.”

Another hit brought MiA out of his thoughts. There was a fourth boy MiA had failed to notice, and he’d thrown the second punch. “Your _boyfriend_ has an interesting little something on his neck.” Another hit. “We all know who put it there.” A few more hits. MiA struggled to free himself so he could fight back, but the grips on his arms were too strong. The leader motioned to the fourth boy, and he started beating MiA- no holding back. “Maybe we should put the same mark on you, so he thinks you’re cheating.” They all laughed, but MiA barely heard any of it over the pain he was feeling. The leader was hitting him too now, and MiA stopped struggling. Thoughts of Izuki flashed through his mind. Any struggling or fighting you do is useless. Just try to pretend it’s not happening. It’ll stop eventually.

“Such a slut, fucking a psychopath.”

Koichi turned the corner and saw red.

He ran towards the group, hitting the fourth one square in the jaw. He staggered and the leader turned to face Koichi. Koichi hit him first, catching him in the throat. The other two let go of MiA, who tumbled to the ground, curling in on himself and whimpering. Koichi punched one and kicked the other. The leader tried to hit Koichi again, who punched him in the nose, hearing the satisfying crack of a broken nose. The fourth one tried leaping for Koichi but missed.

A blade came out of the pinku’s pocket, and the group froze, eying the sharp Meto. “If you don’t leave now,” Koichi started, voice low, dark, and perhaps even demonic, “I’ll kill you all. With pleasure.”

The group left quickly, and the gathering crowd scattered. Koichi retracted the blade and rushed over to MiA. “MiA? Hey, MiA! Can you hear me?”

His friend looked up at him, tears staining his cheeks. “It hurts so bad, Koi...I couldn’t do anything. All I could think of was Izuki.”

Koichi wished he could take the time to comfort MiA, but that would have to wait. “Why did they do it?”

MiA’s whimpering voice sounded. “They found out Meto and I are together...”

Koichi’s eyes widened. “MiA, MiA listen to me. If that’s what they were doing to you, imagine what they’re doing to Meto right now.” Some of the pain erased itself from MiA’s features, replaced with horror. “MiA, he can’t be touched. We need to find him and stop it.”

A little shaky, MiA stood. “Let’s go.” Anger and determination replaced pain as they started running.

They checked every hall and classroom, not finding him until they checked the bathrooms. They found Meto in the one hidden behind the corner.

Screams. Laughter and taunts. Crying. Meto was cowering in a corner, three boys taking turns hitting him. Screams left the doll’s mouth and he shivered in pain. Koichi took out his knife and handed it to MiA silently. “Hey!” MiA yelled, catching the boys’ attention. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Get away from him.” MiA started approaching them, knife clutched in his hand.

The blond was deaf and blind to everything except rage. The trio hadn’t moved by the time MiA stood over them, and MiA grabbed one, shoving him against a wall, knife to his throat. “Did you hear me, fucker? Get. Away. From. Him.” He pressed the knife against pliable skin, and a line of blood rolled down his neck. “Leave him alone,” MiA’s dark voice rang. The knife pressed harder, and more blood fell. “Do you understand me?” The boy screamed a ‘yes.’ MiA took the knife from his throat and tossed him to the ground. “Leave,” he growled. All three of them scrambled out the door.

His rage disappeared like a wisp of smoke as he focused on Meto. The knife clattered to the ground. “Meto? Meto!”

The doll didn’t understand. Why couldn’t he shut it out? Where was his Doll Form? Why couldn’t he fade into darkness? His tormentors were beating him again. It had stopped for a few minutes, but now one was coming towards him again. “No! No more! Please, stop! It hurts, it hurts!” he shrieked. Meto clutched Ruana like a shield. “Get away from me! Stay away! I can’t take any more! Stop! Stop!”

MiA was frozen in place, horror-struck. “Meto...? Babydoll?” Why was he acting like this? “Meto baby, it’s me. MiA.”

His tormentor had paused but now continued to move toward him. “No! Stop! Stop! Please, no more! No more...” He looked up at his sadistic tormentor, plea in his eyes. “Please, just rape me instead!”

MiA couldn’t breathe, and Koichi gasped. “Meto...?” New tears ran down MiA’s face. He reached for Meto again, but Koichi held him back.

“MiA, don’t!” Koichi wrapped his arms around MiA tightly, forcing him back. “He doesn’t see you! It’s not you! It’s not you.” Koichi held him closer. “He seed his rapist.”

The blond tried to force himself out of Koichi’s hold. “No! He needs me! Let me go!” MiA’s panic overrode everything else. All he knew was that he needed to hold Meto and kiss him, tell him it would be okay. “I can help him! Let me go!”

“No.” Koichi held him even tighter. “You can’t help him. It’s won’t work. He doesn’t see us!”

Still, MiA shrieked to be let go and Koichi refused. He fought in Koichi’s hold, but couldn’t get free. The pinku didn’t know how long this went on, but he was scared. He’d lost MiA to panic and Meto to hallucinations. For the first time in a long time, Koichi didn’t know what to do. Frightened tears ran down his face. Would he ever get MiA back? Would Meto be all right? _He didn’t know._ And that terrified him.

In a new burst of noise, people dressed in white crashed through the bathroom door. MiA and Koichi were even more confused and frightened than they already were. The best friends were ushered out of the bathroom and away from the entrance so the people in white could get through. They clung to each other, and more screams could be heard. Meto had started shrieking and crying, begging the people in white to get away. The best friends watched in horror and terror as the people brought Meto out on a gurney, restrained and screaming. The people in white were yelling at each other as they hauled Meto away to somewhere unknown. The friends watched as the people disappeared from sight and the screams faded into nothingness.

MiA and Koichi sank to the ground of the deserted hallways, clinging to each other in terror. MiA buried his face into Koichi’s neck, sobs shaking his body. “What’s happening?”

Koichi tried to be strong long enough to answer the question. “I don’t know. I don’t-” A sob of his own escaped him, which released a torrent of them. He didn’t know what was happening, and that was _terrifying._  



	19. Where is He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA’s heart felt like it was going to burst. He remembered every time he felt like this- like his world was falling apart at the seams. When he found out Louie cheated on him, when he felt utterly alone in the world, every time Izuki was beating him and he was screaming ‘I’m sorry’ for invisible reasons, when his parents didn’t believe he was abused, when Meto refused to tell him something important. Now it was happening again, and MiA couldn’t take it. The pain was too much.

MiA and Koichi sat in the principal’s office as their parents were called. MiA’s parents weren’t answering and Koichi’s mother was on her way immediately.

The school day went on normally for all of the other students to keep order. MiA was still clinging to his best friend, crying with his face buried in Koichi’s chest. Koichi’s tears had stopped, but only because he willed them to. He _had_ to be strong for MiA. Had to tell him that it would be okay, because nobody else was going to. The school was only interested in what had happened, not how they were affected by it; and tried to keep the friends there until they learned what had happened. However, Koichi’s mother arrived and demanded that they be released. She yelled at the principal to let the boys go home, that they needed rest and time to recuperate. The principal relented and let the distraught students leave, promising that there would be questions when they returned to school.

MiA’s worry wouldn’t let him sleep. He leaned against Koichi in exhaustion throughout the car ride, but couldn’t relax enough to sleep. Meto was gone- where, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know who those people in white were or where they were from. It was terrifying to not know. He needed to know where his boyfriend was, if he was okay and if the hallucinations had stopped. Had he started crying out for MiA, reaching out for a person that wasn’t there? “Why did they take him away? Where did he go?” MiA whimpered.

Koichi shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m sorry. I don’t know.” He held MiA protectively, holding MiA’s head to his chest so he wouldn’t see the pinku’s tears about to fall.

When they parked out in front of Koichi’s house the pinku helped MiA out of the car, and let his best friend cling to him. It had been a terrible day, and it wasn’t even 10:00.

They sat on Koichi’s bed in silence, MiA wrapped in Koichi’s arms. “I want to see him,” the blond whispered.

Koichi pulled him closer. “We don’t even know where he is.” MiA didn’t deserve this sadness- not after everything he’d already suffered through. “We’ll get him back. It’ll be okay.” Koichi was convinced that was a lie.

MiA’s heart felt like it was going to burst. He remembered every time he felt like this- like his world was falling apart at the seams. When he found out Louie cheated on him, when he felt utterly alone in the world, every time Izuki was beating him and he was screaming ‘I’m sorry’ for invisible reasons, when his parents didn’t believe he was abused, when Meto refused to tell him something important. Now it was happening again, and MiA couldn’t take it. The pain was too much. He needed to forget for a while, and sleep would only bring nightmares. He wasn’t in his right mind: exhausted from panic, terror still coursing through his veins, and unimaginable sadness with drops of panic still coloring his heart. So in this unstable state of mind and only knowing he needed to stop the pain, he kissed Koichi.

Koichi’s lips parted in shock after MiA pulled away. “MiA, no. Don’t.” He pushed on MiA’s shoulder to gain some distance, intent on making sure his best friend didn’t cheat.

“ Please, Koi. I can’t take it. The pain is too much. Please. Let me forget for a while.” He tried to kiss Koichi again, but was shoved away off the pinku’s lap.

“No. MiA, you’ll only regret this later. Don’t do this.”

MiA didn’t listen and tried approaching again, only to be shoved back. “I don’t care! Please, let me have this comfort. Meto is gone! I don’t think I’ll ever see him again. Just make me forget. Please.” New tears slid down his face.

Koichi shook his head. “I won’t let you cheat. We’ll see him again, I swear. Don’t do this to him. You love him. Don’t betray him.” Koichi kept backing up, keeping distance between him and MiA.

“Why am I different? Why am I different than everybody else that you’ve helped cheat?”

Koichi grasped his shoulders and looked MiA straight in the eye. “Because I don’t care about them. I care about _you_. You’re my best friend. I’m not going to let you do this. You’ll thank me later for denying you, trust me. After you’ve had some sleep you’ll thank me.” He left the room, knowing that if he stayed for to long he’d succumb to what MiA wanted.

Despair followed all the other feelings MiA had. Sleep would bring nightmares, he was sure of it. Koichi denying him had only made the day worse. MiA wasn’t sure how with all of these powerful feelings his heart hadn’t stopped. He didn’t have much time to dwell on the thought, his eyes closing and his body succumbing to exhaustion.

**********

In the two days before one particular phone call, Koichi didn’t dare leave MiA alone. The longer MiA went without knowing anything about Meto, the more panicked he was. MiA wouldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep, convinced that Meto was gone forever. Each hour drew MiA closer and closer to hysteria, and after the first day there wasn’t much Koichi could do to calm him down. He stayed home from school so MiA would never be left alone, worried about what he might do if he was.

MiA spent a lot of time curled up in Koichi’s arms. It was his only source of comfort. School wouldn’t be safe even if he did go, Meto was gone, and Koichi was the only friend MiA had left. MiA’s parents hadn’t tried to contact him either, which was strange. But it wasn’t like they would be a comfort anyways.

It was in this warm embrace that MiA finally voiced his fears. “What if Meto’s dead?”

Koichi lifted MiA’s chin to look at him. “Don’t you dare say that. He is not dead. Meto is alive. I don’t know where he is, but he is alive. Trust me. He’s not dead.” The pinku tried to sound as convincing as possible, but heard his own voice waver. What if MiA was right? What if Meto was dead?

Then the phone call came.

Koichi picked up the phone before MiA could, moving him off of his lap. “Hello?” A pause, then a confirmation that it was MiA’s cell phone. Koichi shook his head. “I’ll tell him, don’t worry.” More silence. “Yes, I understand. Thank you for telling me.” A few more affirmations then a good-bye. Koichi was silent for a few seconds, not sure how to tell MiA what he’d just learned. “That was Meto’s parents,” he said quietly.

MiA was flooded with so many paradoxical emotions that it felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Do they know where he is?”

The panic was so clear in his voice, and Koichi hated to tell him. “Yeah. They do.” Koichi’s eyes fell from his distraught friend to the floor.

“Where is he?” Koichi opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t force the words out. “Where is he?” MiA shrieked. “Where is he? Where did they take him??” Hysteria finally took over, and it was a terrible sound.

Koichi focused on MiA, sympathy in his eyes. There was some semblance of pity, and a lot of pain. “I’m so sorry baby. I’m so so sorry.” His chest felt tight with pain. Seeing MiA so hysterical was the worst kind of pain Koichi could have.

“Where is he?” MiA screeched, voice broken by sobs.

Koichi didn’t want to tell him. Almost _couldn’t_ tell him. But MiA had to know. He wouldn’t be able to live without knowing. “He was...put in an asylum. I’m so sorry.” Tears of his own threatened to fall, but Koichi couldn’t cry. He had to be strong for MiA.

MiA shook his head viciously. “No! No no no no no! He won’t survive! Th-They’ll try to make him talk. They’ll try to touch him! Koichi, he can’t be touched! And what if they take Ruana away from him? She’s his lifeline! He can’t-” MiA’s sobs became louder and more erratic. “He can’t live without her! He can’t!” MiA was screaming through his sobs, and Koichi’s heart shattered.

He pulled MiA into his arms again, shedding his own tears. “I know MiA, I know.” Koichi hugged MiA and MiA clung to him like a lifeline. He was muffling his sobs into Koichi’s shoulder, soaking his shirt with tears. “I can take you to him. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll figure it out. You know I’d do anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually caught up to myself now, and I'm not sure when my next update will be. Its finals weeks right now and I don't want to fail all my classes so I need to focus more on my grades then writing right now. I have everything edited, but since it's all handwritten first, I still need to type it up. I may get in an update or two and I hope to have chapter 20 finished before my next update is supposed to be but I'm not sure if that will happen. I wish I could keep my consistency but school comes first, I suppose. :/  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	20. He Needs Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~They~ Meto paused, all of the terrors that had happened over the past four days rushing to the forefront of his mind. ~They touch me. I tell them to stop, but they touch me more. It hurts so bad. Then they restrain me.~ He gripped the pencil tighter, starting to shake again. MiA held him tighter and Meto started to relax. MiA was here. It would be okay because MiA was here. ~The doctor tries to get me to talk. Say what happened. I’m a doll. I don’t speak. They try to get me to say what happened before I came back. The memories won’t stop. Sometimes I see the cage I was in, and my tormentors are here. I’m so scared. I don’t want to be here. I hate it here. I want to be with you.~ Meto turned so he could embrace MiA, clutching at his shirt.

It took almost a week for MiA and Koichi to visit Meto. The head of the asylum and the doctor assigned to Meto’s “case” (MiA loathed the word) had agreed that it would be beneficial to Meto for there to be a strict “family-only” visitation policy. With a lot of persuasion and demands, MiA and Koichi were allowed to visit as long as they only stayed a few hours. When MiA heard he’d finally be able to see Meto, relief and anxiousness flooded him. He needed to see Meto, know if he was okay. He needed to hold the doll, kiss him, and tell him it would be okay. MiA had never been in a place like that, but was sure t was lonely and scary. Meto needed him- now more than ever.

The train ride to the asylum on the edge of the town was quiet. MiA found comfort in Koichi’s arms, the never-ending tears wetting his face again. He was worried for Meto, scared for him. The last he’d seen of the doll was when he’d been hallucination, begging to be raped rather than beaten. How was he now? Was he scared? MiA only wished he knew.

**********

They were led into the facility and were warned by the staff that Meto had become increasingly unstable with every day, every hour. The doll had been let out of his room into the visiting area with two orderlies standing by in case they needed to restrain him.

Koichi glanced at his best friend. He looked like hell. He’d barely slept for a week, he’d barely eaten, and otherwise couldn’t be bothered to take care of himself. Koichi thought MiA looked like someone who should be living in this facility, not visiting it.

When they arrived at the door to the visiting room door, Koichi stopped MiA. “I’ll be right inside the door, okay? I won’t leave, no matter what. Okay?” It seemed like MiA had hardly heard a thing Koichi said, but he nodded anyways. The door was opened for them and they stepped inside.

The room was white and bland, the only decoration on the stark walls a painting hung too high to reach. There were a few locked cabinets and tables with chairs littered the floor. The room was almost empty; a few other quiet visitors with someone they cared about.

MiA’s eyes locked with Meto’s almost immediately, and ran to him while Meto scrambled out of his seat. They met in the middle of the floor and embraced. The orderlies were prepared to stop Meto, but stepped back when the couple met.

They kissed desperately. Relief flooded them now that they were holding each other, no longer needing to wish for it. “Meto...god...I’m so sorry baby. I should’ve stopped them from taking you. I’m so fucking sorry.” He pressed their foreheads together, eyes burning and dry from all the tears.

Meto cried in MiA’s arms, shaking. “I’m scared,” he whispered before he could stop himself, voice distorting the words.

“I know baby, I know. I-I’ll get you out of here, I swear. I promise I won’t leave you here.” MiA led them to a table and sat, Meto curling into his lap, refusing to let go. MiA was here now. If MiA was here, things would be okay. And if MiA promised something, that meant it would happen. Meto smiled softly and clutched Ruana tighter.

Meto looked different. His blue had started to fade, and the roots were black. He didn’t have any piercings in either, and the too large white clothes made him look vulnerable. MiA felt Ruana against his back, relieved that Meto still had her. He wondered if they’d tried to take her, but would only ask after they could communicate. MiA requested a pencil and paper from the orderlies, who gave him a strange look but obliged. When Meto had the supplies, MiA asked, “Did they try to take Ruana away from you?”

The doll nodded. ~They said I’d only get better after I let go of her. They said I didn’t need her. They’re lying.~

MiA wished Meto didn’t have to go through all of that. Trying to take Ruana away from him...MiA shook his head. She was his lifeline. He needed her. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could do something.” MiA took a breath. “What happened?”

~They~ Meto paused, all of the terrors that had happened over the past four days rushing to the forefront of his mind. ~They touch me. I tell them to stop, but they touch me more. It hurts so bad. Then they restrain me.~ He gripped the pencil tighter, starting to shake again. MiA held him tighter and Meto started to relax. MiA was _here_. It would be okay because MiA was here. ~The doctor tries to get me to talk. Say what happened. I’m a doll. I don’t speak. They try to get me to say what happened before I came back. The memories won’t stop. Sometimes I see the cage I was in, and my tormentors are here. I’m so scared. I don’t want to be here. I hate it here. I want to be with you.~ Meto turned so he could embrace MiA, clutching at his shirt.

MiA’s heart broke to see Meto so terrified. He shouldn’t be here. These people didn’t know what to do. They were doing everything wrong. His anger flourished and his fists clenched. “I’ll get you out of here. This place won’t help you. They can’t help you.”

Koichi was by the door, leaning against the wall. The situation felt like it should have been heartwarming, yet it was the opposite. Ice grew in his heart.

“Are you here to see him?” Koichi jumped when a nurse materialized next to him.

“Jesus! Wear a bell...” The nurse smiled in apology when Koichi eyed him. He was pretty, but not feminine. Black hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, strands falling out and into his face. He clearly had a lip piercing, but it had been taken out- presumably for employee dress code. “I bet you’re prettier with your piercing,” Koichi flirted before he could stop himself. Not like he would have stopped anyways.

The nurse laughed. “And you’re too young for me. Wait until you grow up, kid. Then you might have a chance.”

Koichi narrowed his eyes. “I’m not a kid. I’m seventeen.”

The nurse huffed in amusement. “Yeah. You can try again when you’re eighteen.” The kid was pretty, but was underage. That was just wrong. Not to mention illegal.

“But what if I fucked you instead? Is that still a crime?” Koichi felt desperate for sex. It always destressed him, and he hadn’t had any.

“You’re walking a very fine line, kid. I don’t mess around with anybody underage.”

“Really?” Koichi purred. “I’m sure you’re very curious about what I can do.” The pinku stepped closer and trailed his hand along that delicious ass for a few seconds before his hand retreated.

The nurse put a step between them, uncomfortable. He didn’t think the kid would be that bold. The nurse’s voyeurism kink flared at the contact, but he pushed those thoughts down to stick to his morals. “Do you go for older men often?” Damn it, that was _not_ what he meant to say.

“I like people with experience.” Koichi closed the gap between them again. He could see the uncertainty, discomfort, and _want_ in the nurse’s eyes. He smirked. “Come on, baby. I can see it in your eyes. You want me just as much as I want you.”

The nurse’s resolve cracked the tiniest bit. He bit his lip, not wanting to give in to the minor, but not sure if he would be able to resist if the kid kept pushing. “You never answered my question,” he changed the subject.

Koichi pulled back, confused. “What question?”

“Are you here to see him?” The nurse gestured to Meto.

“No. I’m here with my best friend. He’s been a mess ever since Meto was taken.”

The nurse furrowed his eyebrows. “Taken?”

Koichi looked over the nurse. “Are you assigned to his case?” he asked, weary.

“I’m not assigned to anything. I’m an intern, so I just do whatever I’m told. But nobody else likes to take care of Meto because he’s a “hassle.” I take care of him a lot, and one of the nurses let me look at his case file. There isn’t much. Only a couple observations and why he’s here.” The kid tilted his head in curiosity, and the intern thought it was cute. “Isn’t it because of a panic attack?”

Koichi glanced over at Meto and MiA. Meto was on MiA’s lap, and they were kissing softly. “More than a panic attack. We got back from the holidays, and the entire school found out they are together. They were being beaten by different groups, probably working together. I found MiA first...I was so angry...I fought them off but if I didn’t have my knife I’m not sure I would have won. We found Meto in a bathroom, getting the shit beat out of him. We scared them off and he tried to comfort Meto, to touch him, but Meto just started screaming again. ‘No, get away, don’t touch me, I can’t take any more.’ He was hallucinating the people that had kidnapped and tortured him. Meto even begged to be raped rather than beaten.” A few tears threatened to fall and Koichi forced them not to. “I had to hold MiA back, tell him that Meto didn’t see us- that he saw his rapist. It was terrifying...I always know what to do. MiA was panicking and I had no idea what to do.” He took a deep breath to calm himself, self-conscious that he may have sounded like a whiny child. “Then these people in white came in and forced me and MiA out. They took Meto away, and we didn’t know where he went. It was like he vanished.” Koichi had managed to even out his voice by the end of his explanation, and hoped that the intern hadn’t caught on to what he felt.

The nurse couldn’t describe all the emotions he was feeling. Horror, definitely, and a lot of other things too. Not only were those kids cruel, but Meto had a past that was absolutely terrible. “I hear his nightmares sometimes, when I’m putting in extra hours. Nobody can do anything about it unless they want to get hurt.” The intern swallowed and took a deep breath. “Things have happened to him before?”

Koichi nodded. “He was kidnapped when he was six months old. He was found when he was fourteen. Other than the fact that he was raped several times, we don’t know what happened, or who did it.”

“Why would somebody do that?” It was hard for the intern to believe something so evil happened to someone so young.

Koichi shook his head. “I don’t think even Meto knows.”

The intern took another deep breath. “I never got your name, unless you want me to keep calling you kid.” A small smile showed itself. The intern hated being dark for too long.

“I’m Koichi. I never got your name. And don’t call me kid. It makes me feel like I’m fourteen.”

“I’m Hiro. And you might as well be. I’m out of your league, kid.”

“How old are you?” Koichi suspected that he was somewhere around twenty-five, but wasn’t sure.

“Twenty-two. Like I said, it’s not going to happen.”

Five years older, then. Koichi thought he could still convince him (though that may have been the desperation talking).

MiA had seen the exchange, and thought it was a little ridiculous. The nurse was clearly older than Koichi, and trying to block his advances. The corners of MiA’s lips turned up in a smile, and he finally started to feel like himself. “Shit.”

Meto saw the slightest bit of mirth in MiA’s eyes. He was focused on something near the door, and the doll turned to see what had his boyfriend’s attention. Koichi was flirting with the intern, Hiro. Hiro was nice. He’d never touched Meto or said any of those stupid things the doctors said. He would even wish Meto good-night. ~Why is Koichi flirting with the intern?~

“He’s not just flirting, he wants to get laid.” MiA rolled his eyes and Meto’s cheeks turned the slightest bit pink. MiA chuckled. “He’s desperate. Stress and all. Sex is the ultimate destressor.” MiA leaned in a little more and whispered in Meto’s ear. “After I get you out of here, the first place you’re going is my bed.” Meto blushed, and MiA kissed him.

Meto forced himself to shove those thoughts aside to focus on more serious matters. ~What is it like at school?~

MiA sighed, that little bit of happy playfulness gone. “ I...haven’t gone back,” he confessed. “I’ve been so worried about you and I’ve been such a mess...I don’t wanna go back. I’m scared to. I don’t know what will happen. I know Koichi wouldn’t leave my side, but...what if they separate us again? They hate us, Meto. What if next time they try to kill us? We can’t go through something like that again. Not with what we’ve already been through.”

MiA with Izuki. Meto with his tormentors. They’d both been through so much...The doll started writing, a particularly grave thought entering his mind once again. ~I hear the doctors talk. They say I’m “not fit for the outside world.” They say I may never leave. They say it would be years of treatment before I could go into the gardens without personal security. They say it could take half my life or more for me to integrate back into society. I don't want to be here. I want to be with you. I’m better when I’m with you.~

Anger coursed through MiA. “I won’t let them do that to you, babydoll. I promise you that I’ll get you out soon. I won’t let you rot in here. I love you, babydoll.”

~I love you too.~

An old man in a white lab coat approached them. “Hello, I’m Dr. Iwasaki, and I’m handling Meto’s case.” He bowed formally.

MiA held Meto possessively closer. “Fuck you. There’s no case to handle.”

The doctor was surprised with MiA’s brash hate. Normally loved ones came to him begging for a cure. “I can assure you that even though this case has been difficult, that does not mean-”

“That’s not what I meant. He’s not staying here. This place isn’t helping him,” MiA hissed.

“I can assure you that we are doing everything we can to help him.”

“That’s bullshit. This place is doing everything fucking dead wrong. This place is doing nothing but bring up bad memories. Meto-doll needs out.”

“He is not-”

“He’s not _what_?” MiA shouted. Koichi stopped flirting with the nurse to pay attention to his best friend. “He’s not suitable for society? He’s too fucking unstable to be a part of society? That’s the second damned panic attack I’ve ever seen. He’s too unstable? He was fine until a few motherfuckers from school decided it’d be _fun_ to beat him up! Don’t say that about Meto! He’d be fucking _fine_ if he was out of this place and with me.” He held Meto tighter.

Koichi saw the doctor’s reaction to MiA’s irrational last thought and wished he could stop the doctor from saying his next words. “Are you okay?”

MiA would have sucker punched him if he wasn’t holding Meto. “Fuck you! My boyfriend just needs out of here!” MiA screamed at him.

Koichi intervened, not wanting the doctor to say something else that would make MiA actually punch him. He laid a hand on his best friend’s shoulder and crouched down behind him. “MiA, calm down,” he whispered into the blond’s ear. “Getting angry won’t help our situation. Maybe we should leave for today, and learn how to get him out, okay? I know you don’t want to leave him here, but taking him with you would get you into serious legal trouble. You need to cool down, get some sleep, eat something, and you probably need a shower too. Let me take care of you for a while. Meto will be out soon, I promise. Okay?”

MiA nodded, accepting defeat. “Okay. I just wanna say good-bye.”

Koichi stroked through MiA’s hair once. “Of course. I’ll be by the door.”

Koichi left them and MiA interlaced his fingers with Meto’s. “You won’t stay here, I promise. We’ll find out how to get you out of here. Gods...I love you so much babydoll.”

MiA’s eyes filled with unshed tears pained Meto. He didn’t want the pain anymore. To get rid of the pain MiA had to be happy. “I love you too, MiA,” Meto croaked out. They kissed long and deep, sadness and fear pouring itself into the way their lips touched and their breath mingled. Their hearts clenched at the thought of leaving each other, but they had to.

After the kiss MiA murmured a last ‘I love you’ before he got up and left without looking back. It would have been too painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took forever to update!! Life got in the way and I haven't been able to type any more up. I realized that I'm almost caught up to where I left off last time and hopefully I'll be able to start writing new stuff again before I catch up to myself but I'm not sure if that will happen. I will try to stay constant in my updates until that happens but a new semester is starting at college and I'm redecorating my room so we'll see about that...the next chapter should be up soon, I'm almost done typing that up though! And sorry if you find this chapter a little boring, but it is necessary. There's gonna be a lot of talking in the next chapter too, but hopefully it doesn't bore you too much!  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	21. I Might Kill Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MiA was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. His memories of their first day back at shool hauntd him. “Koi...?” he whispered from his best friend’s arms. Koichi hummed in response. “Don’t give me a knife again.”

The train ride home was silent, oppressive. Heavy emotions made their chests tight. What had they expected to come out of seeing Meto? MiA was even more depressed, which made Koichi worry more. MiA fell alseep halfway through their ride home, and it made the pinku worry even more. MiA had been sleeping a lot, and that wasn’t a good sign. It scared Koichi to think MiA was falling into that kind of depression again. After last time...would MiA even survive this? Koichi didn’t want to think that he couldn’t.

They still slept in the same bed, clinging to each other. MiA had trouble sleeping if Koichi wasn’t holding him, and Koichi wouldn’t leave him alone. He’d thought MiA was asleep, until a quiet voice pierced the air. “I don’t know if I’ll go back to school.”

“What? Why?” MiA had always been determined to finish university, even though he never knew what he wanted to study.

“The school hates us. What if they try to hurt us again, or even kill us? We can’t-” His wavering voice stopped short, the sentence remaining unfinished.

“That won’t happen. I won’t let it happen. I bring hat knife every day. I’ll hurt anyone that tries to hurt you or Meto. I promise you, I won’t let it happen.”

MiA tightened his hands in Koichi’s shirt. “I’m still scared. I...when they started hitting me and I realized I couldn’t escape, all I could think aout was Izuki. It hirt and I couldn’t fight back. What if that happens again? What if they seperate us again, or you’re not there?”

Koichi took a moment to think of what to say. “If you’re that scared, we could transfer. The three of us. I know Meto is scared too. I’ll go with you, you know that.”

MiA shook his head from his place against Koichi’s chest. “That’s not fair to us. We only have one year left. We can make it, can’t we? I just...everything is so screwed up right now.”

“I know.” Koichi kissed his best friend’s head. “We’ve already missed six days, MiA. That’s a lot of school. We’re all beind, and I don’t know if we could catch up. Do you want to go back?”

“...Yeah. I...I like the learning. I want to graduate. I just...what do we do? I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll talk to the principal. We’ll make sure that we don’t get seperated. If I hear that somebody has tried to hurt you or has, I might kill them.” MiA stiffined. “I don’t want to,” Koichi was quick to reassure. “I’m scared I might. So I can’t let anybody hurt you. And you’d do anything to protect Meto. We have to protect each other.”

MiA went gravely silent. “What if we never get Meto out? The doctors want him to stay there half his life. What if we can’t get Meto out?”

“Don’t think like that. We _will_ get him out. There’s always a way. I don’t know how long it’ll take but we will get him out.” MiA didn’t answer so Koichi changed the subject. “What about your parents? Are you gonna go back?”

MiA swallowed. “I don’t know. Everything’s so wrong. I can’t handle them on top of everything else. They wouldn’t understand. I don’t even know if they’d believe me if I tell them I’m getting bullied. It took a long ime for them to believe that Izuki abused me. I-I can’t handle that.”

Koichi squeezed him once. “You don’t hae to if you dont want to. I’ll let you stay here as long as you want, and my mom will too. You’re like another son to her. It’s okay. If you don’t ever want to go back to your house, that’s okay. You can move in if you want to. But if eventually you do want to go back, that’s okay too.”

MiA smiled. “Thanks Koichi. I really couldn’t ask for a better friend. I couldn’t have survived this long without you.”

Koichi’s lips curved upward on their own. “You’re a pretty great friend too.”

**********

They spent the next day getting ready to go back to school. They were going to go to school early to talk to the principal about their situation, hoping something good could come of it. MiA had to sneak into his house to retrieve his school uniforrm and some extra clothes. He didn’t want his parents to see him and guilt trip him into coming back. He needed to sort out what was going on rright now before he was going to deal with them.

They had a lengthy discussion with the principal when they got to school the next day. The friends were first asked about what happened the day Meto was taken away, and they recounted the painful events. Other students- the ones that had done the bullying- were called in to verify the events. The bullies tried to blame MiA and Koichi by telling the principal about the knife, and the pinku countered by saying he’d only used its _presence_ , not its blade.

After it was settled that the bullies had indeed instigated the events and had malicious intent, they were all suspended for a week. MiA and Koichi got a warning about the knife.

MiA was relieved after he and Koichi didn’t get in trouble, but went deathly silent. Thinking about that day was sstill painful, and having to constantly talk about it when all he could think about was Izuki and when Meto beged to be raped rather than beaten made it worse.

After the bullies left, Koichi explained how he and MiA were scared of the bullying that had happened, and were afraid of it happening again. He explained that they didn’t want to transfer, but would only feel safer if they were with each other.

The principal called in the vice-principal and other school officials to help him make a decision. Koichi assumed that the school had never encountered such a strange situation, with how much they talked about what to do. MiA was staying silent unless he was directly asked a question; then the answer was short and his voice was soft. Koichi answered almost all the questions and explained what was going on in more detail. They were there for hours- maybe longer than the school day, they weeren’t sure.

MiA and Koichi were given new, nearly ientical (except for their math classes) schedules and were assured thatt when Meto returned to school he would be iven the same schedule. The friends were promised that the rest of the student body would be informed of the severe onsequences if they were found harming or with intent to harm another student. They were told they would start their new classes the next day, then left.

They went home, premature exhaustion setting in. MiA looked like he was about to faint. It worried Koichi that MiA always looked tired, even if he’d just woken up an hour or two before. He wouldn’t eat, would hardly speak sometimes, and Koichi knew he was already wonderin if Meto would stay in the asylum forever. The pinku had seen him fall into depression before, and the signs were the same. He wished he could do something, but there wasn’t anything he could do.

MiA was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep. His memories of their first day back at shool hauntd him. “Koi...?” he whispered from his best friend’s arms. Koichi hummed in response. “Don’t give me a knife again.”

“Why? I’ve never known you to be scared of them.”

MiA took a shaky breath. “In the bathroom I...I put the knife to a kid’s neck, made him _bleed_. If he hadn’t said anything I think I would’ve killed him.”

Koichi gripped him tighter, feeling MiA shake. “MiA, don’t think that. You’re not capable of murder.”

MiA shook his head. “You said you’d kill for me. What if I’m capable of murder to protect Meto? I was so angry, Koi...That’s the kind of anger that makes you kill. I don’t wanna kill. I don’t wanna be a murderer. So don’t give me a knife ever again. Please.”

Koichi’s lips pressed together in a thin line. “You’re not a murderer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is another boring chapter but maybe not (you guys seemed to really enjoy the last chapter and I thought that was boring too lol). A lot of dialogue, a lot of narration, and it's really short, I know...but next chapter you will hate me so compared to what's coming this is...pleasant, in that way. I should be back on scheduled updates at least until I catch up to where I left off, which won't come up for a while. I hope you're all enjoying reading this despite all the heartbreak!  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	22. Because It's Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn’t understand how real it was. They thought it was all in his head- that the pain didn’t exist. Meto faced Ruana and caressed her button eye. *Will we get out of here? I hope MiA comes back and takes us away. Maybe we can tell him abut being a Perfect Doll. Will he become a Perfct Doll with us? I hope so...I love him so much.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to apologize in advance for how horrible this chapter is. I'm sorry.  
> ALSO, there is a warning for abuse in this chapter.

School was hell.

Despite knowing the repercussions of bullying, the studeents were unrelenting in their mocking and threats. MiA assumed that the only reason they didn’t attack physically was because Koichi never left his side. And everybody knew not to mess with them when they were together- especially since there were now rumors about a knife.

MiA fell deeper and deeper into that pit of despair every day. Koichi was worried that MiA fall so far into despair that he’d...it nearly caused the pinku to cry just thinking abouut it. All the signs were there. MiA couldn’t concenrate, couldn’t stay awake, wouldn’t eat...the list went on. Koichi hoped that he coukd save MiA not only from the bullying, but from himself.

The bullying only got worse once MiA went to his pre-calculus class. The was the only class he didn’t have with Koichi or Meto. Neither of them were in as high of a math as he was, an MiA had refused to drop into a lower class when they were changing their schedules. It wasn’t a class he particulaarly enjoyed, but it was a challenge, and MiA didn’t like to be bored during a class. However, since he was a week behind, he was sat in the back of the class with his textbook and missed assignments to catch up on as quickly as possible.

MiA fell asleep halfway through class.

**********

Meto sat on the thin mattress in his room, curled around Ruana. It had only been two days since he saw MiA, but it was too long. For a few hours after the visit, Meto’s hallucinations had stopped. Then he went to visit his doctor for an impromptu appointment. The doctor said stupid things and tried to take Ruana away again.

Ruana couldn’t be taken away. She was safe. She was a doll. She couldn’t go away.

He’d tried to take her by force. Meto still felt how the doctor’s hand had schorched his arm. It hurt so bad...then a nurse resrained him. It felt like his shoulders were going to melt away. She put a needle in his arm which made him sleepy. Meto was sure it was some kind of poison that only lasted a little while. Later he would wake up on his bed, restrained and clutching Ruana so tight they couldn’t take her away.

Meto was tied to the edge of his cage as a hot iron was presswed against him repeatedly. He screamed and struggled, dropping Ruana in the process. His tormentor only chuckled and pressed harder.

His wounds from earlier still slowly bled, and the pointed, white-hot metal was stuck inside those wounds. Meto’s face was coated with tears as he screamed and begged for it to stop. He’d done nothing to deserve this. He’d been quiet all day. He’d been good. Yet they still hurt him.

When there were a few seconds between strokes, Meto cried oout, “Why are you hurting me?”

His tormentor laughed. “Because it’s fun.”

The metal burned his skin again, and an earsplitting shriek filled the room.

**********

Meto had blacked out after a few more strokes. They usually tried to keep him awake for hours as they tormented him, forcing him to feel as much pain as they could give.

He woke with Ruana crushed to his chest, the pain gone. He was no longer restrained and was curled into a ball. Meto took a breath and uncurled himself, stiff muscles protesting. Flashes of his hallucinations kept haunting him. The pain was gone, yet he still felt the phantom touch of the hot poker.

They didn’t understand how real it was. They thought it was all in his head- that the pain didn’t exist. Meto faced Ruana and caressed her button eye. _*Will we get out of here? I hope MiA comes back and takes us away. Maybe we can tell him abut being a Perfect Doll. Will he become a Perfct Doll with us? I hope so...I love him so much.*_

Meto’s door opened and Hiro walked in with a tray of food. The intern smiled and closed the door behind him. Meto sat up and pressed himself against the wall, eyes weary. He’d had enough torture for many lifetimes.

“I heard about what happened today,” Hiro said softly. “They shouldn’t have done that. Ruana means everything to you. And you can’t be touched either, can you?” Meto shook his head, eyeing Hiro as he set down the tray. “But your boyfrriend can touch you,” Hiro continued casually. “I wonder why.”

Meto looked down at Ruana. MiA could touch him. He didn’t know why or how it was possible. He didn’t care. The doll shook his head again.

Hiro sighed and leaned against the opposite wall. “I could tell you really love him. And he loves you too.” He didn’t mention how strange it was tha Meto only acted normal around this one peerson.

Meto remained motionless. He missed MiA. He wanted MiA back.

Hiro stood straight. “I’ll be going. I’ll be yelled at if I stay any longer.” He smiled at Meto one last time. “I’ll see you later.” The doll still didn’t move, even when the door shut behind Hiro.

  
_*I want MiA back.*_ A tear rolled down his cheek and disappeared into Ruana’s fur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I hope you all know it's only going to get worse...and you all are probably angry and hate me now for hurting our precious Meto. I'm sorry.  
>  Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	23. Not Before February

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were unable to see Meto, and it tore MiA apart. There was no longer the meager distraction of school and homework. Koichi saw him fall farther into depression, and found himself hiding anything sharp. It was scary to think that MiA couldn’t function without Meto. That if they were separated for long enough, one of them may die.

Maybe it was useless going back to school. MiA felt like he wasn’t learning anything. Thoughts of Meto trapped in the hospital plagued him. He couldn’t think of anything else. Nothing else mattered. Meto needed his help, and MiA couldn’t help him. MiA didn’t know how to help him. Meto was alone, scared, and trapped insidde hallucinations. None of this would have happened if MiA hadn’t decided to mark him. If Meto had woken up on time, he could’ve covered it...then nobody would know. Their relationshup would still be secret.

The only thing MiA could be grateful for was that he had Koichi by his side. Koichi hardly left him alone, and was the only person who could comfort MiA. Koichi had always been there and would always be there. He had been the only thing that had kept MiA from falling over the edge after his relationship with Izuki. He was a rock when MiA felt like sand. MiA allowed himself a small smile as he was wrapped in Koichi’s arms for the night. Truly a best friend.

A week passed where MiA felt like it had been years. The friends had been told by Meto’s parents that no one was allowed to see Meto because he’d gotten worse. He was constantly hallucinating and there wasn’t a day that passed where Meto wasn’t sedated. They had been told that the doll had become increasingly violent- Meto had supposedly attacked his doctor and a few nurses on seperate occasions.

MiA sat on Koichi’s bed, tears already falling. “No...Meto isn’t capable of that. He-He’d never hurt anybody,” MiA whimpered.

Koichi sat down next to MiA, pulling him into his lap. “I know. I planned on bringing you to see him this weekend, and I’m sorry I can’t.” MiA turned in his best friend’s lap, hiding his face. “What do you think really happened?” Koichi asked.

“They’re touching him, restraining him. They’re doing everything wrong!” Angry sobs left MiA. “He’d never attack anybody. Meto’s just _scared_. They keep doing things that hurt him and won’t fucking realize that they need to stop.” MiA’s voice broke, and he swallowed. “He can’t live there, Koi. It’ll kill him.”

Koichi combed through MiA’s hair. “I know, MiA, I know. But they don’t. Meto’s special. He needs special treatment, andd they won’t givee that to him.” The pinku kissed MiA’s hair and lifted his head. “His parents know how to get him out, MiA. He was admitted without consent, so they have to release him.”

“When?” MiA’s voice came out smaller than he thought, and he realized that all he wanted to do was sleep.

“Not before Febuary.” MiA closed his eyes and relaxed against Koichi, seemingly not wanting to think about not being with Meto for an entire onth. Koichi realized a few moments later that MiA had fallen asleep, and he laid MiA down on the bed and tried to make him comfortable.

Koichi combed through MiA’s matted hair. He looked like hell. Koichi had to help him take care of himself since he forgot to most of the time. It may sound lame, but Koichi panicked a little when MiA forgot to touch up his roots. MiA never forgot about his hair dye. No matter how depressed he was, he never forgot. That had beenn the only constant when MiA was struggling to get over what Izuki had done to him.

That meant that what MiA was feeling now was worse that what he’d fe3lt back then. And back then...MiA had admitted to Koichi that he’d had suicidal thoughts. “Please, don’t hide anything from me. We can fix it. We always do.” MiA didn’t reactt in his sleep, and he looked peaceful.

_*Please don’t kill yourself. I need you.*_

**********

With the weekend came hell.

They were unable to see Meto, and it tore MiA apart. There was no longer the meager distraction of school and homework. Koichi saw him fall farther into depression, and found himself hiding anything sharp. It was scary to think that MiA couldn’t function without Meto. That if they were separated for long enough, one of them may die.

MiA was asleep when Koichi heard the doorbell ring. The pinku had been playing video games, trying to leave the room as little as possible in case MiA woke up. He had to answer the door though, since it was a rare day his mom had to go into the office. Reluctantly, he paused his game and answered the door- then wished he hadn’t.

MiA’s parents stood on the other side, seemingly here to collect their son. “What do you want?” Koichi didn’t even try to hide the edge in his voice.

“We want to talk to MiA. Please,” his mother said.

Koichi narrowed his eyes. Nope. “He’s asleep.”

“Can we come in? We really need to talk to our son,” his father said.

The pinku sighed. “He doesn’t need to see you. He’s struggling enough as it is. You’d only cause him more pain.”

MiA’s father stopped the door when Koichi tried to close it. “We want our son to come back home.”

“He doesn’t want to go back. MiA’s fine here. He doesn’t need you. Not right now.”

“Koi...?” Koichi heard a soft kitten mewl voice behind him. He glared at MiA’s parents and closed the door. He turned to look at MiA, who looked like a sleepy child.

“Hey. How are you feeling?” Koichi sat on the couch, and MiA followed him. MiA climbed into Koichi’s lap and rested his head on the pinku’s shoulder, face in his neck. Koichi wrapped his arms around MiA and held him tight.

“It was nothing. Just one of my mom’s friends. She didn’t know my mom went into the office today.” MiA hummed and seemed content to fall asleep against Koichi. “Hey, MiA. Can I ask you something?” MiA hummed again in question. Koichi bit his lip, then threw his hesitation away. “I know you’ve been feeling shitty lately, and I want to know if you’re telling me everything.”

“What do you mean?” MiA sounded incredibly sleepy, and Koichi hoped he was awake enough to answer properly.

“Even when you were recovering from your relationship with Izuki, your one constant was making sure your haair dye was perfect. I know it probably sounds stupid, but...I know you, MiA. You were suicidal then. Please don’t tell me you are now.”

MiA was quiet for a while. Koichi wasn’t sure if he’d fallen asleep or if he didn’t want to answer. He moved, however, and looked up at Koichi. “I...No. I forgot to. I’m just so worried about Meto. You know...today’s his birthday, and no one can even go see him.” MiA looked away, lips tightly pressed together. “He’s all alone today.”

MiA skirted the question. Koichi needed a straight answer, but maybe now wasn’t the time anymore. “He’ll be okay. He has Ruana, right? She can take care of him when you’re not there.” MiA nodded after a few seconds. Koichi decided to change the subject back, and approach it more gently. “Hey, MiA? What does it feel like? The feeling you get when you can’t be with Meto?”

MiA swallowed and closed his eyes. “It hurts. It hurts so much that I don’t really understand how I’m still alive. It hurts to breathe, and sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe at all. I feel like I’m drowing but I also feel like I’m floating in nothing. Nothing matters. School, painting, anything...none of it matters because I know Meto is in pain. He’s in pain and I can’t be there to fix it. He’s...He’s my everything, Koi. I don’t know what to do without him.”

He hugged MiA tightly. _*Don’t you ever learn?*_ Those were the same words Koichi had heard when MiA first ran from Izuki. _“Please don’t hurt him! I love him so much! I don’t know what to do without him. He’s my everything!”_ Koichi had nearly killed the bastaard the next day.

“Is there anything else?” the pinku asked softly.

“I...” MiA stopped, and Koichi hugged him closer, whispering to him that it was okay. “I did think about suicide a few times,” MiA confessed. “But I can’t. I have to be there for him. I have to be there so he can heal. Meto told me once that I saved him from total darkness.” MiA swallowed. “I can’t help him if I’m dead.”

Tears of relief flowed down Koichi’s face. “Thank god,” he breathed. “I’d be lost without you too.”

MiA didn’t say anything else and rested against his best friend. Koichi kept him close, absently stroking his hair. After a while MiA dozed off again, lulled by Koichi’s close presence and warmth. Koichi was the only thing that comforted MiA anymore. Nothing else except Meto’s release from the hospital could help MiA. And Koichi thought that Meto needed to stay there. It was a place that- given the right information- could help Meto.

But MiA needed Meto, so Meto needed out.

**********

They skipped school for a few days. Koichi was glad his mom was so understanding and let them. He’d told her everything, and she understood that there might be days where they couldn’t find it in them to go to school.

The friends mostly stayed in Koichi’s room, and the pinku felt accomplished when he was able to et MiA to play video games for a while. It almost felt like everything was back to normal- before Meto had entered their lives, and even before Izuki fucked everything up. They would always play video games together- mostly silent and concentrating on killing each other’s characters. As Koichi thought back on it, those times felt like another life. So much had happened...neither of them were the same people they used to be. Sometimes Koichi wished they could go back to those times bbefore all the heartache or wake up one day to find it was all a terrible dream.

But of course that would never happen. They had to live with what had happened to them and hopefully one day get passed it. Maybe after Meto got out things would get better. Koichi could only hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost caught up, which is kinda scary because since the semester started I've been too busy to write anything new. I'll try to keep updated but life is a little crazy so my updates after the next few weeks will likely be very sporadic.  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	24. MiA, Please...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He couldn't be real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to apologize for how short this chapter is because you're all gonna hate me after you read it.

Days passed without meaning. More and more of his time turned into the vivid hallucinations until that was all that was left. He found himself stuck in memories that started when he was five and ended when he was fourteen. Blood filled his vision, and the sadistic laughter filled his head. His worst memories came to the forefront of his mind, tormenting him with phantom pain and his ow unheeded cries for help.

Sometimes, he could shut it off. Sometimes, when he reached for his Doll Form, it would give itself to him and the blissful nothingness would become his home for a while. He could control it more each day, but it was never enough. His Doll Form wasn't strong enough to block out all the pain. Meto still cried and screamed for it to stop, tried to faint from the pain even as he was being kept awake.

During his tormentors’ “play,” Meto was confused when he screamed a name he didn’t know. The name never left his cries, as if this was someone who could save him.

His tormentor smirked and held up the spiked mace, swiftly cutting into Meto’s back. The doll screamed and fell to the ground with the force, his broken arm not holding his weight. “MiA...” The name came out as a choked sob. “ MiA...MiA, please...”

Meto’s tormentor laughed and bashed the mace against Meto again, eliciting another scream. “He’s not coming for you. He’s abandoned you, you pathetic rat.”

The doll didn’t understand. Who was MiA? Why did the name give him so much hope and...something else. He didn’t know this person. Nobody was going to save him, so why did he hope this MiA would? Nobody cared about him. Not even this MiA- who probably didn’t even exist. He was probably just some imaginary friend Meto had forgotten about until now. He didn’t exist. MiA wasn’t real.

He couldn’t be real. Good things came to mind when his name was said. Comforting embraces, soft kisses, and quiet ‘I love yous’ in the dark. No. Those were fantasies. Good things didn’t happen to Meto. He was a doll. He was played with until he was broken, then “fixed,” only to be broken again. He was a broken toy. Nobody loved him. Nobody comforted him. No. Good things didn’t happen to Meto. It wasn’t possible.

His tormentor left when Meto refused to react to the degrading words. His abuser pulled his son away from his spot outside the cage, where the boy had watched with curiosity.

Meto squeezed Ruana to him with his good arm. *At least I still have you, Ruana. You’re nice to me. If I die, will you die with me?*

Ruana smiled. _*Good. Then I won’t be lonely.*_ He paused as the thought occurred to him again. _*I wonder who MiA is.*_ Ruana frowned, and Meto played with her button eye. _*I bet he’s a horrible person. What if he’s who gave me to these demons? Did he bring me to this hell? Then why do I think he’ll save me?*_ Meto frowned this time, and shook his head. _*It doesn’t matter, does it? He’s not real. He can’t be real.*_ Ruana nodded, agreeing with him.


	25. That Made Everything Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “God I’ve missed you.” They kissed like they were trying to etch these kisses into their minds and hearts; like these would be the last and they needed to memorize every press of their lips and memorize their hot breath and soft lips. Eventually they pulled away, foreheads pressed together. “I wish I could stay with you,” MiA whispered. “I need you so damn much. Sometimes it feels like I can’t live without you.”

That Saturday, Koichi woke MiA up early so they could go visit Meto. MiA was immediately awake when he heard they could, and Koichi saw the first glimmer of happiness in him for a long time. Koichi gave MiA an oral checklist of what he had to do to get ready and after they were both presentable and Koichi helped MiA with his hair, they left.

On the train to the hospital, Koichi explained to MiA that they had special permission to see the doll. He’d gotten a call late the night before, explaining that Meto had gotten increasingly worse, until it seemed there was no sanity left. Meto wasn’t allowed to leave his room- even for doctor visits. They had to go to him. The doll kept alternating between screaming and crying or going completely limp and lifeless. He was constantly restrained because if he wasn’t he might “ attack” somebody. The only reason they could visit Meto was because he wouldn’t stop calling for MiA like a child who cried for their lost mother.

The hospital had insisted that MiA was the only one who could see Meto, but Koichi viciously fought to go too. If MiA was going, so was Koichi. After arguing for minutes on end over the phone, the woman he was talking to finally relented and let Koichi come.

When the friends entered the hospital they were again warned of how unstable Meto was, and were even asked if they were sure they wanted to see him. Koichi answered for both of them with a firm yes.

They were led deep inside the hospital, to Meto’s room. This was clearly where they kept their most volatile patients, with the thick steel doors and heavy locks that nothing but a key could open. Meto’s room was at the very end of the hall.

MiA and Koichi were let into the room and the door closed behind them with a loud, metal-on-metal grating noise.

MiA had to hold in sobs once he saw Meto. The cuffs rattled as Meto’s nightmare continued. He looked so small and skinnier than MiA had last seen him; the blue hair dye had faded more, and more of his black roots showed. Koichi’s hand on MiA’s shoulder grounded the blond and made him feel stronger. He slowly walked over to Meto and caressed his face, which was tight with pain. “ Babydoll...I’m so sorry.” He started taking the restraints off and once Meto was free MiA sat on the bed and pulled Meto into his lap. “Meto...”

In his dreams, the torture suddenly stopped. Everything was plunged into utter darkness. But this wasn’t his Doll Form. This wasn’t nothingness. Meto was surrounded by an unfamiliar warmth and heard a whispered ‘babydoll.’ What was happening? Nobody cared for him. Nobody wanted to save him. Nobody cares, nobody cares, nobody-

 _A kiss._ It was so soft it was like a ghost. It only confused him more, even as a sob left him. What? Nobody cared. This had to be to humiliate him. This evil trick had been done before. He wouldn’t fall for it again.

Meto didn’t wake from his nightmares. He was whimpering in MiA’s arms, jerking every so often. “ Meto...please. It’s me. Babydoll, please...” Tears streaked MiA’s face as he held Meto. “I can’t lose you.”

 _“I love you.”_ Meto was shocked still at the whispered words. No. That was impossible. Nobody loved him. _“I can’t lose you.”_ He heard sobs. Was that for him? But nobody cried for him. Nobody was allowed to care. Yet he’d been kissed...Meto floated, the inky black surface coming closer and closer. Senses were more defined. Arms were around him so tight he wasn’t sure how he could still breathe; whispered words and sobs were louder. But who was holding him?

He breached that inky black surface and saw a little light. He opened his eyes to see a gentle face with blond hair. “MiA...?”

“Oh god...” MiA cried. “Oh thank god.” He held Meto even tighter and kissed him, but pulled away when there when there was no response. “Meto...?” The doll looked confused- severely confused. “Don’t you remember me? I’m MiA.” MiA wanted to burst into tears from the thought that Meto might not remember him.

MiA...was  _real_? He existed? How? There was no kindness in his hell. But this didn’t feel like it was his hell. He’d never had a mattress. Meto pushed away from this person and looked around. This wasn’t his cage. This wasn’t _that_ room. No...this was somewhere different. There was a pink haired person by the door, silently watching, looking concerned.

Meto turned back to the blond, still confused. Where was he? “Meto, please.” The blond spoke, tears in his eyes. Why did the doll hate the sight so much? “Please remember me. They said you wouldn’t stop crying for me. I’m here now. It’s okay. I love you.”

But...MiA wasn’t real. Did that mean this was a dream? Was that why he wasn’t in his hell? It didn’t make any sense. He looked back up at MiA, still confused.

MiA tried to hold back his sobs. “Don’t you remember? I helped you on your first day at school. You told me you’re a doll...we had our first date in a park, where you first asked about love. We had an amazing Christmas, and an incredible New Years’. When we made love for the first time. Where I showed you how much you mean to me. How much I love you.” MiA kissed Meto’s hand, waiting for a response, tears streaming down his face. After minutes of silence, MiA swallowed the knot in his throat. “You told me I saved you from total darkness.”

Disbelief and recognition lit Meto’s eyes. It was real? He...He wasn’t in his hell anymore. He was free of them. He had MiA. MiA was _real_ ; and so were the soft touches and kisses and ‘I love yous.’ A sob escaped his mouth and he launched himself back into MiA’s arms. The doll held on tight as a wave of sobs overcame him. It was _real_. He had MiA. MiA was _here_ and  _real_  and that made everything okay.

MiA held Meto as tight as he could, sobbing with Meto. Meto had _forgotten_ him. Had his hallucinations been that bad? “It’ll be okay. It’s gonna be okay. You’ll be fine. God, babydoll...I love you so much.”

They cried in each others arms for what seemed like hours. Alarms had gone off in Koichi’s head when Meto didn’t recognize anything. The doctors had said Meto lost all sanity but god...he’d been somewhere else. He’d said MiA’s name, but didn’t recognize the person. What had happened to him?

Koichi heard the door slide open then closed and turned to see who it was. The pinku managed a small smile when he saw Hiro. The intern returned the smile and stayed silent.

MiA pulled away from Meto, only to kiss him. Their tears still fell, and bitter melancholy rose in Koichi’s throat. MiA parted the kiss and noticed Meto staring at the door. He turned to find Hiro standing with Koichi.

Hiro smiled softly and bent over in the barest hint of a bow. “Is it alright if I steal Koichi away for a while?”

MiA tried to wipe his tears. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

Koichi stopped Hiro as he took the pinku’s arm. “MiA, are you sure? You’ll be alright? I don’t wanna leave you if you won’t be.”

The blond smiled faintly. “I’ll be okay for a little while. Go see what he wants. You deserve a little happiness too.” MiA’s smile grew when Koichi rushed over to him, hugging him from behind and planting a kiss in his hair.

“I won’t be gone for too long, okay?” MiA simply pushed Koichi towards the door, his smile still there.

MiA hastily asked for a pencil and paper before the door closed, and received the objects a minute later.

~What is going on between you and Koichi?~ Meto immediately wrote.

“Hm?” MiA tilted his head in confusion. “Oh! You’re talking about the kiss, huh...?” Meto nodded, and MiA smiled. “It’s nothing romantic, I swear. We’ve always done stuff like that. We were two when we met in daycare, and I think from the moment we met we were inseparable,” he laughed. “I guess we saw adults doing things like hugging, holding hands, and kissing, so we thought it was okay for us to do those things too. When we were little, we would always hold hands unless our hands were busy. We had a lot of sleepovers, and we’d sleep in the same bed. We’d cuddle in our sleep and in the summer we always woke up too warm. And sometimes we’d kiss. Especially if one of us was feeling bad.” MiA smiled when a particular memory came to mind. “I remember once when we were five and I fell out of a tree and broke my arm. I was crying and crying and my parents had to call the paramedics. Koichi hugged me on my good side and told me it would be okay. He got me to stop crying by kissing me. Then he told me I was too pretty to cry.” MiA shook his head. “I told him pretty was a word for girls. He kissed my cheek and told me words didn’t have gender. His mom had taught him that.”

Meto didn’t write anything right away. He wasn’t sure what to do with the new information. He had mixed feelings that he couldn’t sort out. ~What does that have to do with now?~

“Koi still takes care of me when I’m struggling to take care of myself. I’ve been a mess ever since you were admitted, and Koichi’s been taking care of me. He...if i weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be able to function. He never leaves me alone. Koi’s scared I might do something, I guess. He...He means a lot to me. We even-” MiA bit his lip. He’d never intended to tell Meto how close he and Koichi were. It would cause problems in relationships when there was nothing to worry about. “We sleep in the same bed. It’s nothing for you to worry about. Just...don’t be jealous or anything, all right? This is something we always used to do, and normally when I’m in a relationship I don’t allow it, but it’s a comfort to me.”

Meto stayed silent. He felt a particular hate towards Koichi for being able to comfort and hold MiA when he couldn’t; and didn’t understand why he felt that way. There was no reason for Meto to feel that way.

The silence worried MiA, and he started talking again. “Please, don’t be upset. I love you, not him. That’s just...how we are. How we’ve always been.” MiA was desperate, hoping Meto would understand. But he wouldn’t say anything. He just sat there, eyes clouded with unknown emotion. “Meto? Please, just say something. I can’t lose you.”

Meto tried to play with his lip ring then remembered they’d taken out his piercings. He gripped the pencil, unsure. What could he possibly say? ~I~ Meto stopped, uncertain. He erased and started again. ~What am I supposed to say?~

MiA shook his head. “Anything. Are you angry?”

The doll shook his head. ~I feel strange. I don’t know what I feel. How am I supposed to react?~

MiA looked down. “You know nothing happens, right? We just cuddle. It helps. I need the support.” The blond swallowed. “I know our friendship is a little weird, but I hoped you’d understand anyways.”

Meto nodded slowly. ~I don’t think I understand, but if it makes you feel better I shouldn’t tell you no.~ After he showed MiA the sentence he kissed him. MiA held Meto’s jaw and kissed him back, feeling his emotions swell.

“God I’ve missed you.” They kissed like they were trying to etch these kisses into their minds and hearts; like these would be the last and they needed to memorize every press of their lips and memorize their hot breath and soft lips. Eventually they pulled away, foreheads pressed together. “I wish I could stay with you,” MiA whispered. “I need you so damn much. Sometimes it feels like I can’t live without you.”

Meto kissed him then pulled away, starting to write. ~When I get out...there’s something I have to show you.~ _*I can’t do this alone.*_ The doll hesitated a few seconds before writing more. ~I’ve been keeping something from you because I was scared. I was scared you’d leave, but I’m not scared of that anymore. It’s really important to me, and I want you to be part of it.~

MiA was stunned and elated. “Can’t you tell me now?” Meto shook his head. “You did say you have to show me, huh?” The doll smiled and was kissed. “I love you, babydoll.”

Curiously, a blush crept to Meto’s cheeks. MiA silently questioned it, but let Meto write down his thoughts before saying anything. ~I really like it when you call me babydoll. But sometimes it makes me think of certain things.~ Meto’s blush darkened.

MiA laughed. He’d forgotten that Meto was still shy when it came to sex. And to have such thoughts because of a _name!_ “You’re so cute!” MiA giggled.

Meto smiled shyly back and started writing, changing the subject. ~Have you gone back to school yet?~

MiA sighed and leaned back, supporting himself on his arms. “Yeah. And it really sucks.” He told Meto everything that had been happening. “Sometimes I don’t even know why I went back. I’m just falling farther and farther behind every day. And the other kids hate me. The only reason they don’t attack is because Koichi doesn’t leave my side. It’s hell, Meto.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “We don’t even need to go to school! Why did I say I wanted to go back?” MiA felt his frustration grow with every word.

The doll wasn’t sure what to say, so he just kissed his boyfriend. If it was that bad...Meto wasn’t sure he wanted to go back. ~What about your parents?~

“I don’t know.” MiA groaned and laid down on the bed, pulling Meto with him. “I think they came by once and tried to see me, but Koichi wouldn’t let them. He closed the door before I could see, but I heard their voices. They haven’t tried to contact me either. It’s odd that they would be so neglectful, but I’m glad. I can’t handle them on top of everything else. It would be too much.” Meto didn’t respond, and MiA didn’t want him to. He wanted to just lay with his boyfriend for a while. Meto was the only boyfriend MiA had had that didn’t feel awkward or heavy. It just felt _right._

**********

They laid like that, occasionally kissing until visiting hours were over. At some point Koichi came back and fell asleep against the door. It was so quiet for so long- the constant commotion outside a world away- that all three of them jumped when someone knocked on the door and gruffly told them visiting hours were over.

The couple were loathe to leave each other, but they knew they had to. “I’ll come visit again as soon as I can, okay?” MiA promised Meto. The doll nodded. “I love you, babydoll.”

Meto kissed him in response, tears in his eyes. He didn't want MiA to leave. That meant the nightmares would come back. His tormentors would come to life again and torture him every second of every day. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to forget MiA again. Meto desperately wanted to keep MiA with him, but soon the door was closing behind him and all Meto saw was MiA’s retreating back instead of a bright smile.

MiA had made it to the end of the hallway when he was approached by Meto’s doctor. The blond would have scorned him if he wasn’t feeling so tired. “What do you want?” MiA groaned.

The doctor faltered for a second. “How did you do it? How did you get him out of his hallucinations?”

“I’m his boyfriend. He needs me.” MiA continued walking without heed for the doctor. Koichi lagged for a few seconds- probably something to do with Hiro- before catching up. He held MiA’s hand, which shocked the blond for a moment. Then MiA smiled softly and squeezed Koichi’s hand. _*Like when we were kids.*_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been way too long, hasn't it? It has been forever since I updated and I'm so sorry about that. I had a lot going on (and still do) but the semester is ending today so I don't have to worry about school now- at least until my summer classes start. But that's besides the point! I hope the next chapter will be up sometime in the next few days or so since that chapter is suuuper short (my apologies). Anyways, I hope you all like this chapter! Kudos and comments are appreciated, as always! <3


	26. Everything's Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Koi, that’s not fine.” He forced Koichi to loosen his hold and turned to face him. MiA saw the tears glistening in the darkness and moonlight, and wiped them away. “ Why’re you crying? What’s wrong?”

MiA woke up in the middle of the night for some water, but never made it out of the bed. Koichi was holding him like he always did, but his breathing was too erratic for sleep. “Koi...?” He tried to turn in his best friend’s arms, but Koichi tightened his grip.

“I’m fine, MiA. Really.” Koichi had hoped he was convincing, but felt himself choke on the words, another sob coming.

“Koi, that’s not fine.” He forced Koichi to loosen his hold and turned to face him. MiA saw the tears glistening in the darkness and moonlight, and wiped them away. “ Why’re you crying? What’s wrong?”

Koichi swallowed. “Everything’s wrong, MiA. Look at our lives. Our lives are shit. It hurts, you know?” He sobbed but tried to continue talking. “It’s scary. I don’t know what to do and that scares me.” He was reduced to silent sobs, and MiA held him tight.

He had no idea Koichi was suffering so much. The pinku had always been good at hiding his emotions and MiA thought that sometimes it was a curse, not a blessing. It also made MiA feel guilty for not noticing. They had been friends for so long and it shouldn’t matter how well Koichi hid his emotions- MiA should be able to tell when something is wrong. He wasn’t sure what to do- normally Koichi comforted MiA, not the other way around. MiA bit his lip while trying to think of something. Koichi was crying and MiA had his arms around him but something else had to be done; Koichi needed _more_.

On impulse, MiA kissed him. Koichi’s sobs stopped instantly, replaced by confusion. “MiA...?”

MiA smiled gently. “You’re too pretty to cry.”

Koichi let out a sound that sounded like both a sob and a laugh. He hugged MiA tight and buried his face into MiA’s neck. Little sobs left Koichi and MiA stroked his hair. “It’s gonna be okay, Koi. It’ll be okay. We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” MiA kissed his head and held him as tight as possible.

When they fell asleep again they held each other so tight they weren’t sure how they could still breathe.

**********

They were preparing for school the next morning when MiA noticed Koichi staring at him. “What?”

“You’re better after you’ve seen him. He means a lot to you.” Koichi lowered his head, and sounded somber.

MiA finished putting his shirt on and sat next to his best friend on the bed. “I-I’d ask if you’re okay, but I already know the answer. You seem worse. You’re hurting and I don’t know what to do. If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you. You’re my best friend, and I want to help. You can trust me with your secrets. You can’t keep everything to yourself all the time. It’s harmful.”

Koichi shook his head. “I can’t. You’ve been _so_ messed up and somebody has to keep you safe. Somebody has to be strong for you. No one else is going to, so I have to.” He swallowed, tears in his eyes.

“We need to be able to rely on each other. It’s hard for both of us, so we need to help each other.” He hugged Koichi. “Do you want to stay home today?”

“No.” Koichi shook his head again. “I can’t. If you go alone they’ll tear you apart. I don’t care how strong you are. You know what happened last time. You can’t survive those memories again.”

“I’ll stay with you. Even if it’s just for one day, someone needs to take care of you.”

Koichi wiped the tears threatening to spill and looked determined. “But not today. C’mon. Let’s finish getting ready.”

**********

Meto’s hallucinations felt distant. He could hear certain things and feel the ghost of a knife every once in a while. It was...odd. It had been days since MiA had visited, and somehow Meto was still okay. He was scared to forget MiA again, and thought that maybe that was why. He loved MiA _so_ much, and didn’t want to forget him. It would hurt to forget.

He wanted to see MiA again. He wanted MiA to be a Perfect Doll with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...after this chapter I may be gone for a while again. I'm sorry about that, and I'm so sorry this chapter is really short. :( I've caught up to myself and the next chapter is incomplete, and I'm trying to find my plot bunnies for this story but they won't come out of their bunny holes. And next week summer classes start, which shouldn't be too much stress but who knows...  
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as a look into Koichi's psyche and comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3


	27. Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a cycle. Every time they could, they went to visit Meto. Every time they left MiA was better. Every time a week went by, MiA was depressed again. The cycle went on for three weeks, and Koichi was in agony.

MiA consistently worsened the more time he spent away from Meto. By the time a week had gone by, he was back to square one. Not eating, not doing homework, sleeping too much. Koichi found himself hiding sharp objects again. He couldn’t remember a time MiA scared him so much.

It was a cycle. Every time they could, they went to visit Meto. Every time they left MiA was better. Every time a week went by, MiA was depressed again. The cycle went on for three weeks, and Koichi was in agony.

On top of it all, MiA’s parents were starting to ask for their son back. Koichi tried to protect them from it the best he could, but MiA found out within days. They were texting him, begging him to come back. There were times- nights- when MiA would start sobbing, saying he didn’t want to go back. During a time when MiA was sleeping, Koichi blocked MiA’s parents on his friend’s phone.

**********

It had been seven weeks since Meto had been admitted. MiA had been put into independent study until he could catch up on his work, and Koichi followed him there. They visited Meto as much as they could, but it wasn’t enough. MiA never got better anymore.

Then finally, _finally_ Meto’s parents found a way to get Meto out. Of course, they found out long ago, but had waited until a court had approved. If a minor was admitted to a psych ward without permission from the minor or their parents, the minor could be released in twenty days, despite any circumstance.

Koichi hated to wake MiA when he was finally having a sound sleep, but Koichi had just gotten off the phone with Meto’s parents. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook his best friend awake. “MiA? MiA, I need you to wake up.”

MiA groaned and opened his eyes a crack. “Huh?”

“Meto is going to be released.”

MiA’s eyes fully opened and there was a tiny glint of hope there. “Really...?” He felt like he could cry.

“Yeah. His parents found him a way out. But it’ll take a while. He’ll be out in late March.” Koichi said it slowly, so there was no possibility of MiA missing any information.

MiA looked relieved and saddened at the same time. “That’s three more weeks of hell. But then he gets to be with me again. In my arms...” He started to cry, and Koichi held him. They were tears of relief and happiness, and pain too. Three more weeks, then he could hold Meto. Three more weeks until he could hold Meto.

Koichi was worried of what could happen in those three weeks. MiA could go into a hysteria again, or fall farther into his depression. Maybe he could get better, but Koichi didn’t think he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! At least for now. And I'm so sorry this chapter is so freaking short after such a long absence. I hope to have another chapter out soon, if my muses will cooperate with me. Anyway, I hope you like it and kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	28. Radiating Happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piece by piece, MiA started to look like his old self. He was still much too skinny, but Koichi was just glad he was eating. The weight would come back soon enough. The light came back into his eyes, and MiA started taking care of himself again. There weren’t any smiles, and MiA still didn’t feel like painting or drawing, but Koichi knew that once he had Meto back, those things would come back too. Koichi wondered if MiA was saving his first smile for Meto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if the characters seem a bit off, this is the first time in a LONG time I've written something fresh for this story. So if someone seems like they aren't themselves, I'm sorry.

The weeks passed in a blur. MiA hardly remembered them- or maybe the repition only made him think that. School, home, sleep. The only thoughts in his mind those about Meto. They didn’t go see him anymore. MiA couldn’t remember why, just remembered the crushing hopelessness he felt. _*Three weeks. Three weeks without seeing him. Three weeks and then he’ll be in my arms again. Three weeks.*_ It was a mantra in MiA’s mind, the only kind of hope he could scratch at and give himself. Three weeks. It felt more like a lifetime.

Koichi dreaded those three weeks. MiA was looking more and more like a ghost every day: skinny to the point of his ribs showing, eyes dead, blond hair fading and merging with the black roots, movements jerky and unnatural. Koichi had been trying to force feed MiA so he wouldn’t starve to death out of negligence, and it only worked half the time. The other half, Koichi’s resolve broke when MiA whined and started crying, saying he wanted Meto. Those times Koichi held the wisp his friend had become, sick when he could feel every bone in MiA’s body. He knew that once Meto was released, Koichi was going to force MiA into a hospital so they could help him become healthy again. Koichi wasn’t sure how much longer he would be able to take care of MiA and watch him slowly wither away before he broke himself.

The hallucinations never returned. Not how they used to be. They kept their ghostly presence, not fully there and not fully not there either. He felt the ghost of a knife, a whip, a hot poker, and the various other tools of torture they had used on him. The thought made the doll shudder and curl tighter into Ruana. He tried to block out the ghost hallucinations with thoughts of MiA, of memories with the blond. Happy memories. Going shopping for Christmas presents. Their first kiss. When they made love. When they met. The memories would end up disjointed, tainted with memories of Meto’s tormentors. MiA slicing him with a knife, while Meto was locked against the bars of his cage. Being swung at with a mace that tore open his skin. _*MiA means happy memories, Ruana. But what is happiness? Are those things happiness? They all seem so far away, Ruana. Will I ever know his happiness again?*_

Thoughts of another happiness. One that had been hidden so far into the back corners of the doll’s mind that he had trouble remembering them. Someone giving him Ruana, telling Meto that she was precious. _“You should have her. She helps protect those who are in pain. It’s like magic.”_ A smile that didn’t seem evil, and Meto couldn’t place it then. What kind of smile is that, he’d thought. After that the memory wasn’t happy anymore, and Meto wanted to run away from it. His tormentor marching into the room, demanding that the other person be taken away. _“Get him out of here! He has no right to my possession! I’ll kill whoever let him in!”_ Guards swept the preteen out and dragged him away, even as he tried fighting them, screaming and pleading for them to at least let Meto keep the bear.

Meto squeezed Ruana until he felt like she might pop. _*I’m glad they let me keep you.*_

**********

The last few days before Meto’s release had MiA’s eyes shining with hope. Koichi almost cried when MiA said he was hungry. The pinku felt like this was a special occasion, or a celebration. So he took some money out of his savings, had MiA dress in something other than sweats and an old t-shirt, and the best friends walked over to MiA’s favorite resturant that he was almost never able to go to. MiA ordered his favorite from the menu and Koichi almost cried again when MiA ate everything.

“I want Meto to see me how he remembers me, Koi. I don’t want him to see me like this,” MiA said, voice quiet as he ran his hands through his hair in front of a mirror.

Koichi took him to a salon without hesitation.

Piece by piece, MiA started to look like his old self. He was still much too skinny, but Koichi was just glad he was eating. The weight would come back soon enough. The light came back into his eyes, and MiA started taking care of himself again. There weren’t any smiles, and MiA still didn’t feel like painting or drawing, but Koichi knew that once he had Meto back, those things would come back too. Koichi wondered if MiA was saving his first smile for Meto.

MiA was buzzing with excitment the day Meto was going to be released. He’d woken up before Koichi, which surprised his friend. “Come on! We gotta get ready! Meto’s parents said that we could meet them at the hospital.” There was still no smile, but Koichi saw him struggling to hide the upturn of his lips. Koichi had his first smile in weeks.

The two got ready, MiA bouncing with energy. “Koi, do you think we’ll be able to spend the night together? Do you think we’ll be able to make love? I wanna hold him again so bad...”

The gentlest smile showed on Koichi’s face. “I think you’ll be able to spend the night together, at least. I’m sure his parents want him home, so if they let you, spend the night there, okay?” After MiA had his pants on Koichi hugged him. “I’m just glad you’re going back to normal,” he mumbled into his friend’s neck. “I was really scared there for a while.”

MiA lifted Koichi’s chin and kissed him, full on the mouth. Koichi didn’t even pull away, stunned as he was. _*What the fuck...?*_ MiA parted their lips and Koichi, for the first time in months, saw that glowing smile. “I won’t leave again. I promise.” He pulled Koichi in for another hug that Koichi felt could squeeze him to death then let go to finish getting ready. Without explaining the kiss. _*What. The. Fuck.*_

*********

On the train there, Koichi was desperate to ask MiA why he kissed him. He felt awkward about it, and had no idea how to approach the topic. MiA didn’t seem to think anything of it, didn’t seem to think anything was awkward or out of place. Koichi rationalized that MiA did it because he was just getting back to being himself, and kissed Koichi because it’s what they always did when they were little. But it wouldn’t stop nagging him. MiA had a boyfriend. MiA almost never even cuddled with Koichi when he was with someone. They’d stopped kissing when they were seven. MiA had put a stop to that. Before Koichi could filter himself, he voiced his nagging thought aloud. “Why did you kiss me?”

MiA seemed slightly startled, as did the other few people on the train. Koichi’s cheeks went red when he realized he’d said that a lot louder than he should have. “Is that what’s bothering you?” MiA’s voice was low, like Koichi knew his should have been. “I...I kissed you because it seemed like you needed it. Like I did when I caught you crying at night.” MiA bit his lip and looked down, to his hands folded in his lap. “And I meant it. I promise I’m not going anywhere anymore. I can’t. Not for you, not for Meto. You both need me at my best, not my worst.” MiA knew the struggles he put Koichi through. During it he didn’t think much of it, in fact he’d probably not thought much at all. However, looking back on it he could see the strain Koi was under. The nights he spent crying instead of sleeping, the bags under his eyes from keeping vigilant while MiA slept, even during the day. The way Koichi had started to move slower as he helped MiA dress, bathe, and keep busy during the waking hours- day in and day out. How he had to force feed his best friend because MiA was so worried he wasn’t thinking about food, ever. MiA had discovered when he came back to life that Koichi had blocked his parents on his phone. He noticed that Koichi had started withering away himself, all of his time and energy spent taking care of MiA. MiA knew he couldn’t put Koichi through that again. He thought that maybe, this time, Koichi had almost broke. And MiA didn’t know what to do if his best friend broke. Koichi didn’t break.

*********

Once the train stopped at the staiton and the doors slid open without a sound, MiA was up and tugging on Koichi for them to leave, causing the latter to stumble a few times. They left the train platform in a hurry, MiA buzzing with excitement. He could hardly believe that in a few hours, Meto would be in his arms, outside the confines of that hospital. It felt like a miracle to MiA. He’d thought Meto would never get out, that he would be stuck in that hellish place until he died.

Outside of the train station, MiA stopped for a few moments to properly hold Koichi’s hand and smiled at him. “Thank you for taking care of me. I know now how hard it was on you. Let me take care of you for a little while too, okay? I know you need it.”

Koichi faltered, not expecting MiA to tell him this. While MiA was so excited to see Meto again, he stopped to tell Koichi he would be taken care of too. The pinku could only smile back. “Okay.”

MiA was satisfied with the answer for the moment, and tugged Koichi along again at a jog with a beaming smile on his face. They didn’t talk the rest of the way to the hospital, MiA’s only thoughts about holding Meto again. When they were finally faced with the hospital, MiA slowed to a stop, nervousness setting in. “He...You don’t think he forgot me again, do you?”

“There’s no way he would have forgotten you again, MiA. He loves you so much,” Koichi reassured his best friend. “Come on. Let’s go see him, okay?”

MiA nodded. “Yeah. I finally get to hold him again...” His smile was soft and barely there as he tugged Koichi along again, their hands still attached.

**********

When the friends entered the hospital, Koichi asked the receptionist about Meto, and where to go. She directed them to a room they’d never been in before, an outpatient room where Meto was recovering his personal possesions. MiA confessed that they didn’t know where this room was, and needed more than a few directions to get there. The receptionist called in for someone to lead them there, and to Koichi’s surprise, Hiro showed up a few minutes later. “Hiro!” Koichi hugged him before he thought about it, then pulled away blushing. Koichi couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed so much in one day.

Hiro chuckled and pulled Koichi in for another hug. “Did you miss me?”

“No,” Koichi said, rolling his eyes. “Just wanted to thank you for taking care of Meto when no one else would.” The two had exchanged numbers and Koichi thought that Hiro was the only one keeping him sane during MiA’s fall. “And thank you for the tips on MiA,” he whispered.

Hiro’s lips turned up in a genuine, soft smile. “You’re welcome. Let me know whenever you need help, okay?”

Koichi nodded. “Y-Yeah.” He hesitated for a split second, then pecked Hiro on the lips. “Thank you.”

Hiro laughed and his fingers entwined with Koichi’s free hand, and MiA slipped his hand away as they started walking. MiA wasn’t sure if this was friendship or something more, but seeing Koichi so close to someone else made MiA happy, so he wasn’t going to question it right now.

They walked towards the room Meto was in in slience- the two friends raditating happiness, for the first time in months.

When they opened the door to the outpatient room, Hiro gave Koichi another hug and a kiss on the cheek, then excused himself back to work then left. MiA made a note to ask Koichi about their relationship later. The thought slipped from his mind as soon as he saw Meto, standing with his parents, piercings back in, hair longer, and inches of black roots showing, with the blue faded. Looking worn, beaten, and tired. But none of that mattered. Not right now. “Meto!!” MiA cried, running towards him.

Meto turned and his eyes lit up as he saw MiA, a giant smile breaking out on his face. He ran towards MiA, and Koichi thought it was like a scene from one of those romantic movies his mom loved to watch. They embraced each other and kissed with enough passion the room was electrified with it. They were both still weak, so no one was picked up and spun or anything, but Koichi thought that made it sweeter, more realistic.

MiA felt the tears before he knew he was crying. He knew without a doubt that this was the happiest moment of his life, and in that moment he thought it always would be. Meto was out of this place, and in his arms, Koichi had someone else he was genuinely close to. All felt right with the world at that moment. “I love you so much.”

Meto knew he was crying too, and didn’t care. He had MiA. That was all that mattered. The hallucinations were gone, and Meto knew that as long as he had MiA they would never come back again. Meto opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed. “I love you too,” the hoarse whisper came out. He pulled away from the hug to kiss his boyfriend again and smiled. _*I get to feel this happiness again, Ruana. I don’t have to go back there ever again.*_

“MiA!” Meto’s mother called, voice soft as a feather. She waited for the couple to pull apart and for MiA to look at her. “We were going to go out to dinner to celebrate. Would you and Koichi like to join us?” Her smile glowed, and her eyes shined with the happiness of having her son back; after having him being taken away from her for the second time.

“Actually,” Koichi spoke up, and the four turned to him, as he was still standing by the door. “I think I have something else to do tonight. You can go ahead and go without me.”

“Are you sure, Koichi?” Meto’s father spoke up.

The pinku nodded. “I’m very sure.” He gave a polite smile. “Thank you for inviting me.” He walked over to MiA and the blond let go of Meto to hug his best friend.

“You’re going to see if you can do something with Hiro tonight, aren’t you?” MiA whispered.

Koichi’s cheeks gained a faint shade of pink. “How did you know?” he chuckled lightly. “I am. And if I can’t, I’ll catch up on sleep, okay?” Koichi kissed MiA’s cheek then let go. “I’ll see you either tonight or tomorrow morning.”

MiA smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you soon. Good luck.” MiA squeezed him again then let go, and watched Koichi leave.

MiA turned back to Meto’s parents and put an arm around his boyfriend again. “Thank you for inviting me tonight. If it’s possible, can I stay the night?” It was MiA’s turn to blush.

The parents looked at each other, and whispered to each other in voices the teenagers couldn’t hear. “I think,” Meto’s father started, “that we should let Meto decide. What do you want to do, Meto?”

In response, Meto pulled MiA closer to himself. Meto’s mother smiled. “Then yes, MiA, you can spend the night, as long as your parents don’t mind.”

MiA bit his lip. “They really wouldn’t mind,” he lied, smiling as he did.

She smiled wider. “Great! Do you need to go prepare yourself or get anything, or are you ready to go now?”

The blond shook his head. “We can go now.”

*********

The dinner was lively, and full of bubbling, happy energy. The other three knew to keep away from the topic of what happened to Meto at the hospital, and talked about what they had been doing instead. MiA lied and said school was going well, and that he had a bit of a hard time with Meto away but managed to keep going every day. Meto didn’t have to look at MiA to know this was a lie, and he didn’t have to question that MiA would tell him the truth later. He also noticed how MiA couldn’t eat everything, like his stomach had shrank.

On the ride back to Meto’s house MiA checked his phone, and saw a text from Koichi, confirming he was waiting for Hiro to get off of work so they could hang out. MiA smiled and sent back a text about spending the night with Meto, and Koichi responded that he wouldn’t be home until the morning either.

The rest of the night was spent playing board games and they had ice cream before Meto’s parents went to bed, telling the teenagers not to stay up for too much longer. The doll helped MiA get the pull out bed ready then they both climbed into it, cuddling each other. MiA hadn’t felt this happy since they made love that night. There were no words to be spoken, only tired smiles and hands caressing clothed bodies. When Meto fell asleep, he didn’t have any nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a trip to write. Its been forever since I've written fluff or happiness stuff, so it was a little weird. I hope it comes off like I knew what I was doing because I wrote this 3,000 word chapter (which you all deserve after my long absense) in two different spurts and I haven't even looked it over before posting it. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it and kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3


	29. He Didn't Talk About This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Koichi scoffed. “I’m not usually friends with the people I have sex with.”  
>  “Am I special then?” Hiro hoped he was. Koichi was special to him too, and not because of the sex. Koichi was a sweet kid, and Hiro was fond of him- as a friend.  
>  “I suppose so. I don’t have many true friends.” A faint smile showed on his rested face. “And...” That smile faded as Koichi bit his lip. “Thank you for listening last night. I don’t tell anyone those things. Anyone but my brother...” Koichi started playing with his own fingers.  
>  “I am your friend, aren’t I? It’s what friends do.”

Koichi’s eyes fluttered open, and he found himself in a foreign bed, facing a foreign wall. The bed was soft, lived in. Was this memory foam? Koichi’s head was too fuzzy from sleep to tell. Feelings from the night before surfaced, and he was confused when he felt embarrassed about it. Koichi never felt ashamed of sex. He heard some noises in the room; a closet opening. Koichi acted asleep, trying to sort out his feelings. Why the hell did he feel embarrassed?

     “Never thought I’d have sex with a minor,” Hiro mumbled, taking his clothes out of the closet. Koichi had wormed his way into the nurse’s heart, taken hold like a leech. Hiro bit his lip and clutched the hanger his shirt was hung on. This kid had a life that was difficult in ways most people would deny as being difficult. The emotional turmoil the pink-haired kid went through was challenging, harmful. And to use sex as therapy was so dangerous.

     Hiro sighed and started getting dressed, pulling a pair of jeans out of a drawer. He had today off from his internship- a breather for the first time in a week and a half. He glanced over at the teen, asleep of Hiro’s bed. Pink hair splayed everywhere, body only partially covered by sheets. Hiro shook his head. “You’re just a teen...” he breathed before he left the room to make breakfast.

     Koichi stretched when he heard the footsteps disappear, and flipped onto his back. Hiro’s words had helped him recall why he was ashamed of last night- they hadn’t just shared sex. Koichi had spilled secrets to Hiro that he hadn’t told anyone but his brother. Koichi groaned and rolled over so his face was in the pillow. Why had he done that...? Koichi didn’t know Hiro well enough to spill those secrets to him. He bit his lip and got up from the bed, putting on his pants from yesterday- not bothering with his underwear. The pinku left the room, following the sounds of cooking. He sat at the table without saying a word.

     “You’re up! I was just about to wake you for breakfast.” Hiro smiled, and Koichi noticed the piercing that was never allowed while Hiro was working.

     Koichi waved his hand. “I usually don’t stick around long enough to have breakfast.”

     “I don’t care. You’re not leaving until you eat something. It’s a long drive back to your place, isn’t it?”

     Koichi frowned. “Drive? I took a train here.”

     Hiro flipped something in a pan that was searing, and the smell made Koichi’s mouth water. “I’m not letting you take the train back. I’m driving you. I have today off, anyway.”

     Koichi scoffed. “I’m not usually friends with the people I have sex with.”

     “Am I special then?” Hiro hoped he was. Koichi was special to him too, and not because of the sex. Koichi was a sweet kid, and Hiro was fond of him- as a friend.

     “I suppose so. I don’t have many true friends.” A faint smile showed on his rested face. “And...” That smile faded as Koichi bit his lip. “Thank you for listening last night. I don’t tell anyone those things. Anyone but my brother...” Koichi started playing with his own fingers.

     “I am your friend, aren’t I? It’s what friends do.” Hiro got out plates and chopsticks, placing them on the counter. “I didn’t know you had a brother, though. What does he do?”

     “He’s a fashion designer- or at least helps.” Koichi’s smile came back. “We’re really close, even though he isn’t around much. He’s always checking up on me and asking about my day. We talk a lot, about almost everything. Except for the details of my sex life.” The pinku giggled. “Besides him, MiA is the person I;m closest to.”

     Hiro turned the stove off and made their plates. The smells of miso soup, grilled fish, and steamed vegetables and rice made Koichi’s mouth water.Koichi thanked the intern for their food and started eating. “I just have a few sisters,” Hiro mentioned between bites of food. “I always wished I had a brother...” he chuckled. “Now I have friends that I think of as brothers.”

     “You’re lucky. It’s hard to find friends like that.” Koichi glanced at Hiro, looking back to his plate when he saw the pain Hiro held for him. Koichi hated pity.

     Hiro bit his lip and tried to change the subject. “What about the rest of your family? How well do you get along?”

     The silence that accompanied the question stretched for what felt like minutes. Hiro was about to try a wholly different subject when Koichi answered.

     “We...We’re not all together anymore.”

     His voice was whisper quiet, as if he was embarrassed or afraid. Koichi refused to look up at Hiro, and instead broke down the piece of fish with his chopsticks. He didn’t talk about this.

     “We don’t have to talk about any family problems if you don’t want to. I-I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories,” Hiro rushed, not wanting the teen to feel pressured into talking about anything he didn’t want to talk about.

     Koichi let out a sigh, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. He knew he could trust Hiro to keep his secrets, and even comfort him- if the night before was any indication. “My father left when I was little.” Koichi felt that lump grow worse. “I’m bisexual, and he hated that...He finds me disgusting. He wouldn’t walk me to kindergarten on my first day. There was this huge argument he had with my mom, and Teru and I were hidden under the table.” Koichi couldn’t find it in himself to look at Hiro. “The last I saw of him were his dress shoes as he left.”

     Koichi scoffed and shook his head. “I’m glad he’s gone. If I had to live with him I’d probably run away. I never want to hear from him again,” he spat. Bitterness and anger had swelled in his voice. Koichi hated his father, and he hated him even more because Koichi knew it was his own fault his father had left.

     Hiro couldn’t find any words to say for a while. They sat in silence, Koichi fidgeting with his chopsticks. “I guess then it’s better that he left.” Hiro bit his lip, feeling heavy. He didn’t know the kid had that kind of past. That, with what Hiro had been told last night...Hiro understood now. The smoking, the sex...it all made sense. Koichi needed those distractions in his life. There were healthier distractions than smoking, but Hiro wasn’t going to lecture the kid right now. “Want a smoke?” Why not indulge instead?

     “I didn’t know you smoked,” Koichi commented.

     “Occasionally, I do. But not in the apartment. I have the fire escape over at the back.” Hiro left his half eaten plate of food and walked over to his coat rack by the door, digging out a half pack of cigarettes. “Come on. We both need it.”

     Koichi allowed himself a small smile and got up, following Hiro to the fire escape.

     Maybe today would finally be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sooo late, and I'm so sorry. I ran out of inspiration for a while and it took a bit to get this chapter together. I really hope I get another chapter out soon for everybody who enjoys this, but I don't know. There's a lot going on, and inspiration is thin. I have a few ideas, but I'm not sure what to do with them or where to pick up after this chapter. I guess we'll see! I'm determined to finish this story no matter how long it takes!
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! <3


	30. Serenity Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meto stood there in a daze, the heartbreak faltering for a few seconds. Why did MiA act like that? He held Ruana as close as he could, bowing his head to meet hers. Few tears escaped. *I thought he wouldn’t leave.*  
> A hiccuping sob left him. *I thought...* Meto had a hard time forming thoughts through his cracked soul.  
> *I...I thought he loved me.*  
> Meto broke down into sobs, falling to his knees as Ruana collected his tears.

MiA sighed and nuzzled into his boyfriend’s neck, content. They were lying on the couch in Meto’s living room, the TV droning on in the background. They were alone for the evening, as Meto’s parents had gone out on a date. After a week and a half of smothering their son, they finally decided to let the “lovebirds” have some alone time.

MiA was simply happy he had his boyfriend back, Meto’s hair cut and dyed again- purple this time. Piercings in, Ruana snuggled to his chest. Everything felt so perfectly normal, and it almost felt like MiA’s depression spiral had never happened.

Meto had started dozing off in MiA’s arms. MiA was safe and warm and comforting. His arms felt like home. MiA was amazing and loving and protective. Meto couldn’t imagine needing anything else in a boyfriend. The doll couldn't be more content in his arms.

At least in this form.

Meto had been mulling it around in his head. He needed to tell MiA of his search to be a Perfect Doll. Meto couldn’t live without MiA. What was the use of being a Perfect Doll without MiA there too? It would get so lonely...

He pulled Ruana away from his chest, in time to see her frown. He smiled at her. _*Sorry. I’ll be with you too, Ruana. You’re already perfect to me.*_ Meto glanced down, admiring his boyfriend’s smooth, flawless skin. _*Maybe you don’t need to become a Perfect Doll, MiA. Maybe you already are one.*_ This time, Meto frowned. _*No, not a Perfect Doll. You can’t be. Not yet.*_ Dolls didn’t talk.

Meto wrestled with the idea for a bit longer as they layed there, not sure how to tell MiA of his plans. But MiA wouldn’t leave, right? He’d said so. Meto could trust MiA. He loved MiA, MiA wouldn’t leave. The doll played with his piercings and picked up his phone. He hesitated for a moment, then started typing. ~MiA? I have something really important I need to show you.~

MiA startled when Meto got his attention, then took the phone, embarrassed. When he saw the text, his heart leaped into his throat. He sat them upright. This was it. Whatever Meto had been hiding, would finally be revealed. MiA smiled wide. “Really? I’m so glad, baby.” He kissed Meto. Koichi’s warnings from months ago echoed in the back of his head- but MiA didn’t care anymore. He wanted to know Meto’s secret. He wanted to be a part of whatever this was.

The doll was surprised with the response. MiA had accepted everything before he even knew what it was. Meto started trembling, having to calm himself before he used his phone. ~It’s my room. I’ll explain when you see it.~

MiA nodded and kissed Meto’s forehead, smiling wide. “Of course. Lead the way.” MiA got up and helped Meto off of the couch, kissing him once again. “Thank you,” MiA whispered as his smile softened.

Meto’s own smile glowed as he took MiA’s hand and led him down the hall, pausing a few seconds at the door. MiA wouldn’t leave, right?

The door was opened, and MiA started to shake with excitement.

A few steps in and the color drained from his face.

Doll parts littered the room- they were on the ground, the dresser, the bookshelf. Heads, arms, legs, torsos. A few singular eyes stared at MiA from their own places of rest. Shards of porcelain were in a pile in the corner, bits of face and finger peeking out, like the broken doll was seeking revenge.

When he looked up, MiA could see a few doll parts hanging from the ceiling on strings. Heads upside down and arms and legs dangling like they were reaching out for help. MiA’s mind didn’t register the horror manga that lined the shelves, or the bear blanket covering the bed that Meto had brought on their first date. His heart was beating too fast, horror digging under his skin.

Fear erupted in Meto as he saw his boyfriend’s reaction. The doll coughed, attempting to clear his throat. “I w-want to b-become the P-Perfect Doll.”

MiA almost didn’t hear Meto’s words through his distorted voice and MiA’s own terror. “What do you mean...?” MiA turned and looked at the doll, who still stood in the doorway.

A few beats of silence passed. “What do you mean?!” MiA screamed before he even knew he raised his voice.

Meto unlocked his phone and started typing as fast as he could. ~I need to be a Perfect Doll. Once I’m a Perfect Doll I won’t have to worry anymore. I’ll be beautiful and I won’t have the ability to speak. I need the best parts I can find to become one. Ruana will be with me, and I hoped you would too.~

Dread and fear wormed into MiA’s heart, making friends with the horror as he read. “No...No, I can’t. I...what are you thinking?!” Anger became the autopilot emotion, the others becoming too much to handle. “This is insane! Tou can’t become a real doll!” Tears rolled down MiA’s cheeks. “I’m not like you! I don’t believe in this shit! How did you think I would?” MiA’s hands balled into useless fists as his boyfriend started cowering from his anger. “I thought you’d get better! I thought I was helping you! Meto, this is sick!”

A long moment of silence stretched between them. MiA was trying to keep his sobs quiet as he shook from the overload of emotions. Meto wanted to type something and try to calm MiA down but was afraid. It sounded like MiA was going to leave, and it was so much more terrifying than he could have imagined.

“Fuck it,” MiA cursed, shoving past Meto. “I can’t handle this. I need to go.” MiA strode down the hall and was halfway to the door when he felt Meto’s hand around his wrist.

Meto was crying too, terrified MiA was breaking up with him. What would he do then? “Do-n’t go...” Meto sobbed. Was this heartbreak? Meto discovered that heartbreak was the worst feeling.

When MiA looked back at his boyfriend, Meto saw all of the emotions MiA was feeling. No love, or comfort. No passion, or any of the other emotions that MiA had taught Meto. These were emotions Meto knew too well. “Let me go. Now. I need to leave.” When Meto didn’t let go, MiA wrenched his arm away. “I need to leave!” The doll flinched when MiA yelled again, backing up a step. “Meto, I have to go. I can’t stay here. Not now.” MiA turned and ran out the door, not sure if he could hold in his sobs much longer.

Meto stood there in a daze, the heartbreak faltering for a few seconds. Why did MiA act like that? He held Ruana as close as he could, bowing his head to meet hers. Few tears escaped. _*I thought he wouldn’t leave.*_

A hiccuping sob left him. _*I thought...*_ Meto had a hard time forming thoughts through his cracked soul.

_*I...I thought he loved me.*_

Meto broke down into sobs, falling to his knees as Ruana collected his tears.

**********

Koichi was startled when his phone vibrated in his pocket. His cheeks turned a light shade of pink as his lips detached from Hiro’s. The cool breeze replaced Hiro’s warm lips after they parted, and all Koichi could smell was his cologne. They were lounging on the fire escape, their new favorite place to make out.

Ever since Meto got out, MiA had been getting better every day. Soon enough, Koichi felt comfortable leaving his best friend’s side- specifically, leaving his side to go see Hiro.

Koichi found he liked it over at Hiro’s place. When he was with Hiro, he was a world away from his problems. And now that MiA’s crisis was over, Koichi felt like he could relax- and make out with- someone he thought of as a close friend. It felt amazing to have another friend that he could talk to about anything.

Koichi checked the text, his mood pitfalling as he read what MiA sent. ~Can’t talk, crying too hard. I need you.~

“Shit.” Koichi tried to keep his cool, not wanting Hiro to see his fountain of emotions again.

“Is something the matter?” Hiro tightened his hold on Koichi’s waist and kissed his throat.

Koichi closed his eyes, wishing he could be held like that longer. “I...I need to go. MiA...” Koichi didn’t bother finishing his sentence.

Hiro kissed Koichi’s lips, then his hand. “Do you want me to drive you?” His soft voice was a beacon of calmness.

Koichi managed a hint of a smile. “Thank you.” To MiA, he texted, ~On my way.~

When Hiro parked in front of Koichi’s home, the teenager hardly stayed to say goodbye. He kissed the intern in thanks then left the car, running up the walkway to his front door. Hiro sighed as drove away after he knew Koichi was safely inside. “That kid is gonna get me in trouble.”

**********

Koichi rushed into his room, heartbreaking when he saw MiA sobbing yet again. Koichi sat on his bed and pulled MiA into his lap, holding him tight. MiA latched onto his best friend, shaking. Koichi whispered sweet words to him and rubbed his bad, shushing him. It took much too long, but MiA finally calmed down enough to talk. Koichi was worried that just as he was recovering, MiA would slip back into depression.

MiA felt like he would break all over again, and the only thing holding him together was Koichi. How could Meto do that? How could he believe that? None of it made any sense. MiA thought Meto was getting better. And then...and then this. This secret that Meto had been keeping all these months. It was too much. MiA didn’t think he could handle it. Not now. Not again.

Koichi clenched his jaw after MiA told him what had happened. _*I fucking knew it.*_ He knew Meto wasn’t good for MiA. He knew something like this would happen. Why did MiA attract toxic people?

“It hurts...” MiA white-knuckled his best friend’s shirt, trying to ground himself.

“I know it does,” Koichi hushed as he layed them down. “It’ll be okay. Shh,” he rubbed MiA’s back. “It’s gonna be okay. You’ll get passed this.” Whether or not that was with Meto, MiA would have to decide on his own. Koichi hoped it was without.

**********

Meto didn’t have the courage to pick up his phone. To text MiA, to ask if they were okay. MiA was so... _angry_. How could he act like that? How could he say those things? MiA was _safe_ and _nice_...at least Meto thought he was. Tears started down Meto’s cheeks, but he blocked it all out.

Blissful silence. An unnatural darkness that was good, and safe. Meto’s Doll Form enveloped him in its comforting hug, and Meto didn’t reemerge till morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually been inspired to write more lately- so hopefully chapters get put out a little faster than a month between each but we'll see. I have a couple really heavy classes right now, and so far the only time I've written anything new has been in math. Anyway! Meto's big secret has been revealed...I wonder what will happen next, hm...  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3


	31. Unsure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For days, two words kept bouncing around in MiA’s head. Perfect doll. What did that mean? Using doll parts to become a doll? A better doll? MiA bit his lip. He supposed that in theory, it made sense. But it was...insane. That was the only word for it. It couldn’t be done.

What had happened? Meto couldn’t think about anything else. MiA hated him now...No! That couldn’t be true! MiA loved him! MiA wanted him! He couldn’t fake all that love...right? _*But_ you _faked all that kindness.*_ No! MiA wasn’t like that...MiA wasn’t like him...that had to be true!

But... _*He was so angry, Ruana...he scared me. Why was he so angry?*_ Ruana smiled like she was keeping a secret. Meto sighed. _*You’re right. He’ll talk when he’s ready, right?*_ Maybe...he was just shocked, right? Could that be it? Meto frowned, heart hurting.

Did MiA not want him anymore?

Burning hot tears streamed down Meto’s cheeks as the thought shattered his heart. _Ow_...why did it hurt so bad? He wanted to rip his heart out. He wanted to scream and sob it hurt so damn bad. This was worse than any physical pain he’d ever endured. The doll curled up in a ball on his bed, gasping for air as he silently sobbed. Meto held Ruana as tight as he could, wishing that she could provide the comfort he needed.

He wanted to go back. He didn’t want this pain. _*I don't want it!*_ This... _This_ was the worst torture he’d ever experienced. No matter how much he gasped, no air would come. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating himself. Dying would be better than this. All that torture...that would be better than this. Anything at all would be better than this. He couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t do it.

Yet he knew he had to. Meto’s Doll Form wouldn’t come, was leaving him to suffer in heartbroken agony. Why?! _*Why does it hurt so much?!*_

**********

MiA couldn’t sleep. Koichi had passed out, holding MiA as tight as his limp body could. For days, two words kept bouncing around in MiA’s head. Perfect doll. What did that mean? Using doll parts to become a doll? A better doll? MiA bit his lip. He supposed that in theory, it made sense. But it was...insane. That was the only word for it. It couldn’t be done.

MiA sighed and flipped in Koichi’s arms, not wanting to think about it anymore. He’d been thinking about it for days already, and still, nothing made sense. He hadn’t dared text Meto, for fear that the answers would only confuse and scare him more. MiA combed through Koichi’s soft pink hair, unable to stop thinking about Meto. His room of dolls, his secret ideals. MiA thought of how he’d run away, leaving Meto all alone. He pushed aside thoughts of whether he did the right thing or not- those wouldn’t do him any good now.

He stretched like an acrobat and snagged his phone from the nightstand, yanking the cord out of his phone. He squinted at the screen and saw colors for a while. After he recovered, he opened a text to Meto and took a breath. He glanced over at Koichi, hesitating. With Louis, with Izuki...Koichi had been right about both of them. Neither boy was good for MiA’s psyche. MiA realized now that his best friend was right about Meto too. MiA couldn’t fix him. It was likely that Meto would never get better. But was he bad for MiA? The blond bit his lip, unsure. He loved Meto, and it would be cruel to leave him when they loved each other so much. MiA kept pause for a few more seconds, thinking about it. What...could he break up with Meto? His heart wouldn’t allow it. Maybe...Maybe he could convince Meto to go on this journey without him. Wouldn’t that work?

_No_. A little voice inside MiA told him it wouldn’t. That it would separate them. MiA looked back at their texts, filled with cute ‘I love you’s’ and mindless, silly conversations, along with deep conversations about them and their lives. Could he leave that behind? This was the best relationship he’d ever had. It felt like they fit together like puzzle pieces. Their love was genuine, and the sweetest thing MiA had ever had.

MiA started typing. ~We need to talk.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this chapter out WAY sooner but of course, life likes to get in my way. :/ This was tough to get through, but I did it! I'm so sorry for how short it is, but my inspiration would not cooperate for the life of me.   
> Comments and kudos are always much appreciated! <3


	32. Negative Possibilites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With shaky hands, he responded. ~What do you mean?~  
> Hours and hours later, there was still no response.

It felt like seconds had passed after MiA passed out- when he looked at the time he realized that was a close assumption. He’d fallen asleep thirty minutes ago.

Another knock sounded on Koichi’s bedroom door. “Koichi? MiA? Are either of you awake? There’s someone here to see you,” Koichi’s mother called.

MiA groaned and shook his best friend awake. “Koi? Wake up...” MiA wanted to sleep for eternity. “Someone’s here.”

“What...?” Koichi nuzzled MiA and opened his eyes a crack.

Another knock came. “Are you two up?” MiA confirmed with what was more of a loud groan than any words. Koichi’s mother said she’d tell the company to wait and left them alone.

“What...? Who’s here?” Koichi nuzzled into MiA more, not wanting to wake up.

“She didn’t say. We should get dressed and go see who it is.” At least MiA wasn’t the only one that was exhausted.

Slowly, but surely, the two got dressed and made themselves otherwise presentable. They left the room, neither one particularly caring who had come to visit.

When MiA saw his parents his blood ran cold. Out of instinct, he took Koichi’s hand in his. “What are you doing here?”

“You need to come back home,” MiA’s father demanded.

“Why? So you can control me again? I won’t do it! I can’t! I’m sick of you trying to control me! I’m not going back!”

Koichi squeezed MiA’s hand and pulled him closer than they already were. “All of his clothes are here. His accessories, shoes, and as much of his painting supplies that would fit. He’s moved in with us. If MiA says he’s not coming back, he’s not coming back. You could not imagine the shit we’ve been through in the past few months, and it would be worse if we even tried to tell you. You two would only drag him farther down into his depression that he’s barely just gotten out of.” Koichi’s glare pierced them both. “Get out of my home.”

“Why should we listen to you? You’re just a kid.” MiA’s mother spat.

Koichi started crushing MiA’s hand in his, and MiA did his best to hide the pain. “I know you don’t like me, but that is no reason to disrespect me in my own home. Get out. I won’t ask again.” A phone rang but Koichi ignored it. His mother picked up the call after two rings.

MiA leaned on Koichi, forcing his best friend to support some of his weight. “Leave. I fell asleep a half hour ago. Leave, and let me go back to sleep. I’m tired, each of us have had a shitty few months, and I cannot deal. With you. So get the fuck out and leave me alone. Please.” MiA tugged on Koichi and they started going to their shared room.

“Koichi?” The pinku’s mother popped out of the kitchen. “The phone is for you.”

Koichi sighed as the door closed behind MiA’s parents. “Wanna stay with me or go back to bed?” He tucked a piece of hair behind MiA’s ear.

“I...” MiA paused for a second. “I...Can I just go back to sleep?” He yawned.

“Of course. I’ll be up with tea for whenever you’re up again.” Koichi planted a kiss in his best friend’s hair and sent him back to bed. He met his mom back in the kitchen and took the phone from her before she could tell him anything. Who the hell would call him on his mother’s phone? “Hello?”

“Is this a bad time?” his father’s voice rang.

 _*Oh hell no.*_ “When is it not? Stay out of my life.” Bile rose in Koichi’s throat having to hear that voice again.

“Slow down, Koichi! I just want to talk!” his father got out before Koichi could hang up.

“Talk about what?” the pinku spat. “I hate you! You abandoned us and hate me! You hate Teru! I don’t wanna see you! I don’t wanna talk to you! I don’t care about whatever fucking family you’ve made to replace us! I don’t wanna be a part of it! Fuck off! We don’t want you in our lives!” Koichi hung up before his father could say anything else.

His mother pulled him into her arms, seeing how her child shook. Maybe she needed to change her number again. Or block him again. “Shh. It’s okay,” she soothed her son. “I’m sorry I made you talk to him. He just insisted no matter how much I said you don’t want to. I thought if he heard you say it he’d finally stop trying to reach out.” She held her son closer.

Koichi found comfort in his mother’s arms and slowly stopped shaking. “Why is he trying now? He won’t ever accept me.”

She shook her head. “I don’t know.” She held him in silence for a while then smoothed out his pink hair. She’d always thought the color suited him the best. “Let me get rea for you two. Go to your room and relax.” She squeezed him once more and smiled at her son.

Koichi managed a small smile back and left to join MiA back in bed. Sleep sounded so wonderful right now.

He made to his bedroom, and MiA was staring at him. "Bad call?" he whispered.

Koichi sighed and got into bed with his best friend. "Really bad." Their arms instinctively wrapped around other. "Let's just go back to sleep..." Koichi heaved a heavy sigh and buried his face into MiA's neck.

**********

~We need to talk.~

The text loomed with infinite negative possibilites, and Meto was terrified of them all. All of the possibilites swirled in his head like a tornado. None of this made sense. Nothing made sense anymore. Why would MiA leave like that? Why would he send this?

Over and over again, those same dreaded ideas and questions repeated themselves. Nothing was sure anymore. Meto felt like his life was falling apart.

The tears started again, and the pain. So, so much pain. He wanted to rip and tear at his chest until he could take his own heart out. But how could he do that when it was shattered so much? There was nothing left to pull at, he felt. Nothing left to make him feel. Yet somehow his heart was still beating, and he was still alive. How much worse could this get?

With shaky hands, he responded. ~What do you mean?~

Hours and hours later, there was still no response.

 _*Does he not care anymore?*_ Paranoia encompassed the doll. _*How could he just stop wanting me??*_ Loud sobs came out as he locked his door. _*How could this happen to me?*_ Ruana put her arms around his neck in an attempt to comfort him. He squeezed her tight, crying into her fur. _*I want him to hold me.*_

_*He doesn’t want to hold me. He doesn’t care.*_

Ruana’s paw hit his cheek, and he looked at her with blurry vision. She scowled at him. _*I know you care, Ruana. You always will. At least I have you.*_ He held her as close as possible again.

_*I love him so much. I don’t want him to leave.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being productive! I'm actually decently happy with how this turned out, for being written in such a short time. I'm finally getting back into writing properly and it's an amazing experience.  
> Anyway. Have fun with the angst, it's not going to end anytime soon ;)  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3


	33. Violated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As it got closer and closer to the end of the day, MiA felt his mind go blank. He felt at ease with himself. *This is for the best,* he reminded himself. *We’re not good for each other.* That was all there was to it, wasn’t it? How could they continue to be together if all they did was destroy each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of self-harm. I will bold it if skipping it is vital for your mental health.

They had school the next day. A place MiA used to enjoy going to- now it was his hell. He’d slept until morning, and when he checked his phone his heart dropped. ~What do you mean?~

MiA swallowed the lump in his throat. ~I’ll tell you after school.~ His finger hesitated for a few seconds before he pressed send. Was this really best? _*Should I be doing this? Is this right?*_ Those second thoughts made the friends nearly late. MiA sucked in a sharp breath when he remembered that he was in independent studies with Meto. _*Fuck.*_

A suffocating silence filled the room. MiA deliberately sat away from Meto and tried to ignore him. He wasn’t sure if he could do this anymore. It was so cruel. So harmful. Not just to Meto but to himself.

The doll had never known such an agony as having his boyfriend sit across the room from him and ignore him. To be scared to even try to text him, or walk over to understand what was going on. His beautiful MiA... _*You’re not going to be mine anymore, are you?*_ Meto had to blink back the tears. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Agony turned into despair as the day stretched into an eternity. Those seven hours of school felt like a hundred. This was that same torture all over again. Those days where Meto was kept in complete darkness and silence, left to guess how much time had passed. Meto shivered and hugged Ruana close. _*He has to still love me.*_

As it got closer and closer to the end of the day, MiA felt his mind go blank. He felt at ease with himself. _*This is for the best,*_ he reminded himself. _*We’re not good for each other.*_ That was all there was to it, wasn’t it? How could they continue to be together if all they did was destroy each other?

**********

The two stood in front of Meto’s home, holding hands and not saying a word. Koichi was waiting behind the corner of the street, as MiA asked. The pinku knew what was going to happen, and managed to hold in his relief. Finally. Another toxic relationship would be done for.

MiA bit his lip. “Meto, I’m sorry,” he said softly, like he was in a dream. He looked Meto in the eye. “But I can’t do it anymore...my mental health is important too. And you’re ripping away all the healing that I’ve done.” The doll looked terrified, and he had a right to be. MiA knew Meto didn’t want to lose him.

“I love you to the moon and back, Meto.” MiA swallowed, emotions starting to bubble up. The serenity was good while it lasted. “But I can’t put myself through this hell anymore. You’re taking too much of me.”

Meto squeezed MiA’s hand, eyes wide. _*No, no! Please don’t!*_ He started to shake and cry. _*Please don’t leave me! I need you!*_

MiA knew what Meto would have said if he had talked. “You don’t need me. You need someone who can care for you. You need help, Meto. I can’t give you that.” MiA was surprised that he had dry eyes. “You need someone who can handle you unconditionally. I’m not that someone. I can’t be. I’m too damaged to be that person you need me to be.” MiA swallowed and licked his lips. “I’m sorry, Meto.” He slipped his hands out of the doll’s. “This is goodbye.” MiA hesitated a few moments then turned and walked away, somehow keeping calm.

He met Koichi around the corner, and they hugged for a long while. “Are you okay?” Koichi murmured, tucking hair behind MiA’s ear.

The blond took a deep breath. “For now. I think I might cry later.” He smiled and huffed out a laugh.

Koichi squeezed him extra tight. “Let’s go home.”

**********

Meto stood there in shock. That really just happened. All of his worst fears confirmed. _*He left me...Ruana.*_ The doll started sobbing. _*Ruana he left me!!*_ Meto ran into his house and into his room, locking it before his parents could ask what was wrong. They could know later. _*But he loves me...! He said so! Why would he just leave like that? That doesn’t make any sense!!*_ His sobs were loud and screaming, like those from back then. Flashes invaded his mind. The one he thought he could trust, taking him in. Cleaning him up, promising a night of relief from pain. Then tying Meto to his bed, raping his eleven-year-old body. _*And I thought he’d be different from his father.*_

His sobs devolved into shivering and silent crying as he remembered that first time he was raped. In so many ways this felt similar. He’d _trusted_ MiA! He’d given MiA access to everything! His dreams, his mind, his _body._ Meto shivered violently. He felt violated all over again. MiA took _everything_ Meto had then threw it away. _*Violated violated violated violated violated VIOLATED!!*_ Meto screamed bloody murder. His parents pounded on the door, trying to be heard over their son’s screams. Asking what was wrong, asking for him to open the door.

**Meto screamed again, his voice giving out halfway through. He fell off his bed and onto the floor, the pile of porcelain inches away from him. Still shaking like a leaf, he picked up a skin-colored shard. It cut his hand, blood dripping down his palm and wrist and onto the floor. He could hardly hold onto the shard, and couldn’t aim. With all the strength he had left he stabbed his left forearm. He took the shard out and blood oozed from the wound like magma from a volcano. Hot and full of anger. He stabbed himself again, missing his arm and putting the shard through his calf. Blood spurted up and hit his arm and face. His shaking only grew worse the more he stabbed himself. _*I_  need  _this.*_  He gasped for air, pulling the shard out again.  _*If anyone is going to hurt me it’s gonna be me.*_  He missed his target, stabbing his left hand. His breathing sharpened, though he didn't scream. _*I will violate myself.*_  The doll focused on a new target but dropped the shard. “Damn it!” He snatched a different one from the pile. This one had what looked to be hair markings. He stabbed his left shoulder, vision getting blurry. Blood seeped into his white school shirt, staining it red. _*I will kill myself.*_  He cut across his chest, opening a wound a mile long and deep. Blood made the shard slippery, and it kept opening new wounds in his hand. _*No one will hurt me again.*_  He stabbed his right thigh, where it would hurt the most. _*No one. No one will hurt me again!*_  His breathing grew more ragged, his vision fading in and out. He didn't scream at all, not feeling like he needed to. The doll thought his mind had never been more clear, he’d never been so clear on what he needed to do.  _*Pain pain go away...*_  He stabbed his right side, shallow enough to keep his organs intact.  _*Come again when I say.*_  Meto coughed and hoped he’d coughed up blood.  _*Pain pain, please stay...*_  His vision was fading fast, his gasps coming quicker and hurting his chest. He stabbed himself again, in his other thigh.  _*Only go when I say.*_  All he saw was black and red. There was so much red....He felt the blood running down his body, felt it seeping into his clothes. _* Porcelain is good for something at least.*_  The doll’s vision faded, and he fell over onto the piled shards of broken doll.**

His parents found the spare key to their son’s room and unlocked the door.

The mother ran to her son’s lifeless, bleeding body, screaming his name, pleading for him to wake up.

The father called an ambulance, then ran to hold his son. Both parents cried and couldn’t understand each other when they asked how this could have happened. They’d just gotten him home.

And this time they weren’t sure if the hospital would return their son bandaged or in a coffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late and short chapter! I meant to get this done way sooner but life and writer's block got in the way, as always. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, despite the rather unexpected turn of events.  
> Kudos and comments are VERY much appreciated! <3


	34. It's Not Your Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They couldn’t explain the kind of fear they’d had, thinking that they might have lost their son for a second and final time. When they saw Meto asleep in his room, there was equal parts horror and relief. Meto was encased in bandages, only serving as a reminder of what he’d done to himself. Dressed in an ill-fitting hospital gown and slightly sweaty. But he was alive. That was really all that mattered, wasn’t it?

MiA and Koichi spent some time watching movies after they got home, eating popcorn and candy. Koichi had been waiting for his best friend to start crying but it didn’t happen. MiA’s eyes stayed dry, which Koichi found odd.

MiA’s phone rang near the end of the first movie, and he was confused when he saw his ex-boyfriend’s name pop up. Meto didn’t call. He got off the couch and left the room, answering. “Meto...?”

“No, son...” A male voice, but not Meto’s. “This is his father, Shizuku ” Another pause. “I wasn’t sure if you would pick up if the call came from a number you didn’t recognize.”

MiA frowned. “Is something wrong?” None of this made sense.

“We thought you needed to know, as his boyfriend.”

 _*Ex,*_ MiA mentally added.

“Meto is in the hospital. Our son, he tried to commit suicide, we think.” Shizuku started choking up. “He’s been in surgery for a while now. We don’t know if he’ll make it.”

MiA dropped his phone and fumbled with it. When he tried to speak, he realized that he’d accidentally ended the call. “Fuck.” MiA sent a brief text, apologizing for cutting them off.

The action scene could be heard in the next room, but it sounded so far away for MiA. The news took its time sinking in. Meto...had tried to kill himself. They weren’t sure if he would make it. “... Koi?” The tears came fast. “Koichi?!” MiA started sobbing, and his best friend came running in.

“MiA what happened?” The pinku lowered them to the floor and held MiA as close as he could.

“It’s my fault, Koi!” MiA sobbed. “It’s my fault! If-If I hadn’t broken up with him...” MiA started bawling, hiding in his best friend’s chest. Koichi started to ask what MiA was going on about but got cut off. “H-He’s in the hospital, Koi! He tried to kill himself!” MiA clutched Koichi’s shirt, crying and bawling.

Koichi held him even tighter rocking him back and forth. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known that would happen. Shh. Shh. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” He kissed MiA’s hair, shushing him. When MiA was quiet, Koichi made MiA look at him. “Do you wanna go to the hospital?” he asked, hesitant.

MiA shook his head. “I can’t.” His voice came out weak and small, like a hurt child.

“Okay.” Koichi turned off the movie and led MiA up to bed without another word.

**********

Meto’s parents waited for hours for news of their son. It was hours full of half drank coffee, crying, and pacing the lobby. They didn’t know why their son’s boyfriend didn’t show, though they had far more pressing concerns.

A doctor finally showed and came over to them, addressing them. “He’s going to live,” he announced. The parents breathed out a sigh of relief, and Hana cried. “He’s lucky we got to him when we did. The femoral artery in his thigh was cut, and if we’d gotten to him a minute later...” The doctor licked his lips. “Your son is in ICU, still asleep from the anesthesia. You can visit him if you’d like. He’s in room 187.”

Both parents took the time to rejoice and cry with relief. They couldn’t explain the kind of fear they’d had, thinking that they might have lost their son for a second and final time. When they saw Meto asleep in his room, there was equal parts horror and relief. Meto was encased in bandages, only serving as a reminder of what he’d done to himself. Dressed in an ill-fitting hospital gown and slightly sweaty. But he was _alive._ That was really all that mattered, wasn’t it?

“But why would he do it?” Meto’s mother, Hana, cried. “Our baby boy...”

Shizuku held his wife, tears leaving his eyes. “I don’t know. We-We knew it would be hard, but...”

“But not like this.” Shizuku shook his head. “Not like this.”

**********

_So close....A darkness had started enveloping him, dragging him into a silent abyss. At no point did Meto question if this is what he wanted. Maybe he wouldn’t become a Perfect Doll that way, though in those moments it didn’t matter. The pain was finally his. He’d captured it and given it to himself._

_Now he was floating. Seeing things that had happened to him from far away. A beating when he was five, a rape when he was thirteen. Betrayal, betrayal, betrayal. Only one hadn’t betrayed him, and it was because they’d only seen each other once. Meto couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to meet him now. Would he cry? Would he try to heal Meto or save him? Would they be friends? Would he try to protect Meto from the pain, like he’d tried to do so many years ago?_

_It didn’t matter._

_Nothing mattered._

_Why couldn’t he be allowed peace? Why couldn’t people just let him die?_

_That would be easier on everyone, wouldn’t it?_

_Meto looked down on his memories. That one moment of comfort, when he was given Ruana. His mind compared that to all the happy moments he’d had with MiA._

_MiA...they wouldn’t have any more happy moments. No more make out sessions in parks, no more cuddling to sleep. No more of those glorious smiles, or holding hands._

No more contact.

_MiA was the only one he could touch. Without MiA...the only one he could touch was Ruana._

_Yes._

_It would have been better for him to die._

**********

MiA stayed in a daze for a few days. Occasional updates came from Meto’s parents, but MiA stopped paying attention when he learned the doll would be okay. He had to distance himself. He couldn’t be running to save Meto anymore. That wasn’t his job. It never was. No matter how many doubts MiA had, he wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t go back to Meto. It would destroy him.

Koichi had to take a day off. He felt overwhelmed, felt like he would explode if he tried to take care of everything again. He’d called Hiro asking if he could come over. With the affirmative, Koichi was gone. He packed a small bag in case he spent the night, told MiA, and left. He needed safety. He needed comfort. He needed sex accompanied with late night talks and kisses and ‘everything’s gonna be okay.’ Their lives were shit again, and Koichi knew he should have known what to do. But there wasn’t anything he could do.

Koichi let himself in with the key hidden under the mat and watched TV until Hiro got home from his internship. Koichi clung to his calming presence explaining everything that had happened. Hiro had a soft spot for Meto and was visibly upset when he learned about the suicide attempt.

The TV was turned off and they kissed their worries away. Koichi had a feeling Hiro needed to get a few things off his chest too, but that could wait until the late night talks, couldn’t it? Koichi was laid on his back, and he couldn’t help but remember when Hiro was adamant he wouldn’t have sex with a minor. He laughed softly. “Remember when my age bothered you?” He smiled like a puppy.

“I guess you were right. I couldn’t resist you. Not that I’d want to now.” He shed Koichi of his shirt and started kissing down his chest. “You’ve wormed your way into my heart.”

Koichi giggled and tugged on Hiro’s hair, dragging him up for another kiss, and to get rid of his shirt. “I seem to do that to people.”

They moved to the bedroom, which was far more comfortable than the couch. Their sex resembled love making rather than a casual affair, and their giggles and laughs intermingled with breathy moans told of a deeper connection than one would expect.

Hiro wasn’t sure what to make of their relationship quite yet. It seemed to him that the kid thought of him as more than a friend, but he couldn’t be sure. The intern shook the thoughts away. For now, he was just going to enjoy this.

They talked for hours afterward, getting problems off their chests and talking about nothing. This was the part Koichi enjoyed most- their pillow talk that took them away from the world, put them into a world of their own. Koichi sighed and cuddled into Hiro more as the intern slept. _*Sex accompanied with late night talks and kisses. A perfect remedy for a stressful life.*_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is still enjoying the story! I think I'm near the end, though I'm not sure how many more chapters it will be before I actually reach 'the end.'  
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! <3


	35. All For Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What they did was horrible. I...I was told about a lot of it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, knowing the victim wanted no sympathy for the devil. “It made me feel sick.” He shook his head. “I’m here because I care. I watch when I can, and I listen in for how you’re doing otherwise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Description of torture

_Meto had thought it was a dream. A pleasant, warm dream wrapped in comfort and kindness. A head of messy blond hair, and a soft smile. A figure taller than he was, sitting on the edge of his hospital bed. His parents weren’t around._

_“Meto?” A voice that rang a far-off bell. A voice he had heard before, but Meto couldn’t place where. “Do you remember me?” Though soft in tone, the voice had a ring to it, like a crystal glass being hit with a spoon._

_The doll stared at the figure, confused. Should he remember this person? He was acting like Meto should. Meto hugged Ruana closer and shook his head, watching the figure for any movement._

_The figure lit up when he noticed Ruana. “You still have her! Though it looks like she may have gotten into a few more accidents.” A genuine smile spread across his face, splitting his full lips apart._

The memories crashed into Meto. “Y-You’re...” He looked down at Ruana, then at the figure again. “ I...I...” He bit his lip, fighting for words. For the right things to say. “She never gave up on me.” Meto let his eyes wander over the figure sitting on his bed. He had to be at least a few years older than Meto and was certainly much taller and larger. _*Everyone is bigger than me.*_ He reminded himself. Neither of them were kids anymore, and Meto had to admit that the adolescent grew to be quite attractive, though the doll would never say that out loud. No matter how nice he used to be, he was still one of _them._

The figure’s smile turned bittersweet. “I knew she wouldn’t.” He swallowed, and his gaze dropped to the teddy bear. “I’m sorry for everything they did to you,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I was always powerless to stop it. I’m sorry you’re still suffering. I...” His voice died like Meto’s will to live. After a few moments of silence, he wrapped his arms around the doll and held him close. “I’m sorry.” He squeezed his eyes shut, and willed his tears away. He couldn’t tell if Tsu would be pissed or laugh his ass off once he heard about this.

Warmth. Comfort. Touch. Meto hardly thought before he returned the hug that should have happened when they were kids. He forced his thoughts away, wanting to just enjoy the moment of comfort that they had. He knew it wouldn’t last long.

When they pulled away, Meto noticed a few tears had fallen out of the other’s eyes. Why would he cry for someone he barely knew? “I...I don’t remember your name.” Meto was sure he’d heard it before, but it eluded his consciousness.

The corner of his mouth tugged into a smile then dropped immediately. “It’s better if you don’t. I don’t want you in any more danger because of me.” In the back of his mind, a clock was ticking, reminding him of how he could get beaten for this once he returned. _“Always a rebel, in the oddest of ways.”_ He had to agree with his mother, at least on that point.

“Why are you here? I barely remembered what you looked like.” Meto started playing with Ruana’s button eye, needing to do something.

“I’d heard him laughing about it...” He let that sink in, saw Meto’s eyes widen. “He won’t hurt you. He just likes to watch now.” _*Sadistic motherfucker.*_ The figure bit his lip to keep from saying it out loud. He didn’t need any more reasons to get hurt. His eyes went back to Ruana. “I...I never stopped thinking about you. What they did was horrible. I...I was told about a lot of it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, knowing the victim wanted no sympathy for the devil. “It made me feel sick.” He shook his head. “I’m here because I care. I watch when I can, and I listen in for how you’re doing otherwise. I’m sorry about your boyfriend.”

Meto looked down onto his lap. “ MiA...I didn’t think he’d leave.” Unwarranted tears slid down his cheeks. “I love him so much.”

The figure hugged Meto again. “It’ll be okay. Even if he doesn’t come back. You can be strong without him, I know you can. You were for so many years.” The clock in his head kept ticking, reminding him of his limited time. He kissed Meto’s forehead before parting again, a smile on his face. “I have to go...I know I’m already in enough trouble. I don’t need to be kicked within an inch of my life.”

Meto swallowed and nodded. “I-I get it...will you ever come back?” He looked up at the figure with big eyes.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll be given that freedom.” He sighed. “Goodbye, Meto. I love you.” The words escaped his mouth before he could think about them. In a way, he supposed they were true.

The doll was taken aback. Love? Surely not...no. Not in the way MiA did. “Goodbye.” Meto didn’t want him to go.

On impulse, he kissed Meto- something chaste, sweet, and very much there. He took a few breaths afterward then walked out of the hospital room without another word. He wanted to regret that kiss, but he couldn’t. That kiss was just going to make everything worse for him when he returned. He leaned against the building after he exited, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m so fucked...” He ran his fingers through his hair, and his hand morphed into black claws for a second before he got control again. He could feel the pull to go home already. He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. “Just please don’t kill me.”

 

 

Meto missed his presence as soon as he was gone. He touched his lips, still bewildered with why the hell he was kissed. That didn’t make any sense. He...wasn’t he just going to get hurt more because of that? Meto squeezed Ruana. _*I could never thank him enough for giving me you.*_ Ruana smiled up at him. She was thankful she was given to Meto too. _*I love you. And I hope nothing too terrible happens to him...*_ It was a false hope, but he still hoped.

**********

The blond stood in the room, looking straight ahead at nothing. He knew what he was in for. He knew exactly what was going to happen to him. The black-haired man standing in front of the teen didn’t say anything. He was on the slender side but taller than the blond. He had an air of power around him, rightfully so. Dressed in black clothes that shrouded him in an even deeper darkness. And eyes the color of blood.

_Crack._

The blond yelped as he was hit, and fell to the ground. That was definitely a rib that was broken. He laid on the ground, trying to keep from moving. Any kind of defiance now might actually get him killed.

The black haired man stood over the teen, still not saying a word. He put a booted foot on his chest and pressed till the blond let out another yelp of pain. Another broken rib. The black haired man smiled, otherworldly traits flickering in and out. He swiftly kicked the blond, breaking another rib. The blond tried to protect his chest with his arms, but his right arm was kicked out and swiftly stepped on. Another crack was heard. The blond bit his lip so hard he bled.

“How _dare_ you defy orders! I ordered you to stay away from him!” Another kick, another broken rib. The blond did his best to keep from vocalizing his pain, knowing it would just egg him on. “And you _dared_ to kiss him.” The black haired man picked him up off the floor and tossed him against the wall. “You have, and always will be, a pain in my ass,” he hissed. The blond was pinned against the wall, a knife to his gut. “And the only reason I won’t kill you is that my son likes you.” The knife was plunged into skin and organs, making the blond let out a choking sound. A hand closed around his throat and squeezed. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t get close.” The knife was pulled out, and blood pooled out onto the floor.

“O-oh fuck...” the blond groaned, watching his blood leave his body. He was let go of and fell into the puddle of his own blood. _*This is all for him...*_

The black haired man growled. “Disgusting. You don’t even care you’re sitting in your own blood.” He kicked the blond in the head, making him cry out and fall over. He smirked. “I’ve always loved how you sound when you’re in pain.”

The blond had flashbacks to the other times he’d been beaten by this powerful man. Being so close to his son granted no favors towards him. It just made things worse, when his actions were able to be so closely monitored. If asked, many would whisper that they didn’t agree with the beatings the blond received- though they’d never voice those opinions any louder.

He was grabbed by his shirt and slammed against the wall again. “Do you have anything to say for yourself, pain in my ass?” the black haired man growled.

The blond coughed, and spit up blood. “N-No, sir...” He felt dizzy, and his head was throbbing, along with other parts of him. A dread washed over him when he remembered that this was just the beginning, a warm-up. He groaned, spitting out more blood that welled in his mouth. “Meto never-”

Without a moment to react, the knife tore through his side, ripping open his flesh and drawing a steady river of blood. “If I ever hear his name leave your lips again I will cut your tongue out.” The man’s red eyes bore into the teen as his hand closed around his throat once again. He squeezed until his victim couldn’t breathe at all. “You’re completely _rotten_ to me,” he whispered, voice rumbling with a sense of danger. “I will never understand why my son _ever_ took a liking to you. I would have killed you long ago if it weren’t for him. Nineteen fucking years ago.”

The blond didn’t try to fight the suffocation. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to do anything with only one good arm. Just as he was starting to pass out, his lungs were filled with oxygen and he coughed, spitting up more blood. He was still pinned to the wall, which was the only thing holding him up. Half conscious the blond was hauled away from the wall, only to be pinned to another. The bricks behind him felt familiar, and he moaned quietly when he was locked into metal cuffs. “If you scream I might be nicer~” the sadistic man cooed.

The blond hung his head. “You know you killed that kind of fight long ago, sir,” he mumbled.

He smirked. “That’s exactly why it would make them so sweet, you fucking _whore_.” The knife was plunged into his arm with a blood thirst the blond had only known from him. The teen let out a loud groan, feeling the blood soak his arm and shoulder. Fingers tore the wound open wider, making him whimper and whine. Those same fingers came into his fuzzy line of sight, covered in blood. “Taste your own disgusting blood.” The man held the teen’s jaw and forced him to lick his blood off, like some sort of twisted sexual act.

The blond couldn’t care less about what was done to him anymore. He’d messed up enough to know most of what would be given to him. And he had to admit to himself that his blood didn’t taste that bad. “I-If you’re going to ruin me,” he started, blood covering his mouth, “then stop wasting our time.”

The sadist narrowed his eyes and grabbed a fireplace poker, heating it up then swinging it like a bat. The blond’s flesh sizzled at contact and he shuddered violently, losing consciousness for a few seconds. He floated, serene. His breaking body wasn’t a concern in those moments. He heard a voice, far away. It wasn’t the voice of the sadist, no- it was someone different. Saying his name. The more he focused on that voice, the closer to consciousness he became.

_“ Ryoga. I remember now. His name is Ryoga. That’s a nice name, isn’t it Ruana?”_

He wanted to cry. The kid remembered his name after all, huh? The thought warmed his heart.

The sadist swung the white-hot poker again, catching the teen off guard. Ryoga screamed. He screamed so loud it echoed off the walls of the chamber. And under that scream, the sadist was laughing, having finally gotten his way. Ryoga’s body jerked, trying to get rid of the pain. Being burned was the worst. It made his skin crawl and made him want to tear his own body to pieces. “B-Bastard,” Ryoga gasped.

The sadist chuckled low in his throat, playing with the poker. “You’re the only bastard here.” He then paused for a few moments, unnaturally so. Ryoga shifted in his bonds, wanting out of his own skin.

With movements too quick for the eye, the poker was slid into his body, accompanied by the sounds of flesh and muscle and organs cooking and burning. Ryoga opened his mouth in a silent scream as the poker was held in place. “I’ll have to cut our time short today,” the sadist clicked his tongue. “I have business that needs taking care of.” Ryoga barely heard what was being said as the pain of his flesh being cooked consumed him.

The poker was slid out of his body and tossed to the side. Through blurry vision, Ryoga saw the sadist pick up another torture instrument  “N-No...” he whimpered. He couldn’t see it very well- he simply didn’t want any more pain.

The sadist smirked, heating up the brand slowly. His initials had been carved out of iron and had been enchanted. “You won’t be able to get rid of this mark, rat. Anyone who sees it will know you were _mine_ first.” He approached the teen, wrenching his pants down past his hips. He admired the flawless skin for a few moments before stepping back and pressing the brand into the fragile skin of Ryoga’s left hip.

Ryoga screamed again, tears running down his face as he lost control of his body. His otherworldly traits seizured in and out of existence as the magical brand was pressed into his skin. He lost all control when he passed out, his body no longer human. When he came to, the brand was still pressing into his skin, still burning and claiming his body. Ryoga panted and continued to make noises of utter and absolute pain, the sounds distorted by his inhuman form.

The sadist pulled the brand away from the teen’s hip, tearing burnt flesh away with a distinct _rip_. Ryoga moaned and whimpered, wanting more than ever to get rid of his body. The sadist turned to grab another instrument of torture. Usually, he wouldn’t break the teen’s legs, but today was special. He picked up a sledgehammer for theatrics and walked back, watching the teen. His eyes were screwed shut as he sobbed from the pain, while his body was covered in blood. Without a sound the sadist swung the hammer, hearing the satisfying crack of a femur breaking. His possession screamed a sound that rang pleasantly in his ears. He broke the other femur, delighted in hearing another scream. The sadist let his possession finish screaming and crying out in pain before he unlocked the cuffs. Ryoga dropped to the floor, keening when he landed on his freshly broken legs. “Someone will take you home.” The sadist put the sledgehammer back and walked out of the room.

Ryoga sobbed best he could, his vision fading in and out. His head was throbbing and his entire body was on fire. He knew he was lucky to escape with just that much damage. If he hadn’t been called away...Ryoga shuddered at the thought. He tried to support himself on his good arm but was too shaky and fell to the ground, hitting his head again. His broken body wasn’t going to cooperate- not for a while. He would again be captive to his bed, and visits from the sadist whenever he chose.

_“I hope Ryoga is okay, Ruana. He’s nice.”_

Ryoga managed half of a smile before his vision went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kinda just messing around, trying to write a good chapter and this happened lol. Its a little bit spoiler-y but I thought you guys deserved that after such a long wait AGAIN. I keep disappearing and I'm so sorry! Life keeps getting in the way and it has been really rough for me lately. I hope you all understand and keep loving my story anyway! I appreciate everyone who's sat here and read this story, who's commented or left kudos. It really means a lot to me that you engage and let me know how much you love this story. Kudos and comments are always lovely to get, even if they're just one or two words. <3


	36. Update

Hi, author here. I wanted to write this as a little update for my story. I haven't felt like writing at all for months. I've been seriously struggling with getting any inspiration at all for this story.  
I don't want to abandon it. I'm not going to say that this is an update to say this work is abandoned. I promised myself I'd finish this, and I still want to.  
I have changed a lot since I've started writing this. I'm finally figuring out my life. I'm training to be a makeup artist, I'm starting business courses and I'm trying to find a job. I'm fighting either depression or something else, and...I don't know. I've just...changed. I started writing this three years ago. And I haven't written jack shit since the last chapter went up.  
So I don't know what I'm going to do, basically. If there's another update instead of a chapter, you'll know. And if there is, maybe I'd hand this story off to someone else to let them finish it. I don't know. I hope you all understand, and if any of you have any words of encouragement or anything for me, feel absolutely free to comment below.  
Thank you, and I hope all of you have a wonderful day. <3


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